Hey Papa. I am tired. I got to bed late last night and got up too early today. Stupid dog came in and jumped on my bed. Then today I was very busy. I helped Don finish moving his stuff. We have our house back, thank ya Jesus! But I helped him and the other ppl he had move his storage unit, stuff from Judy's and the stuff from here and then helped unload the truck and move it all into his apartment. He has an upstairs and let's just say my knees are SCREAMING! So is my lower back. I'm glad you don't have any pains now. It always would make me worry so much about you when you were in pain cuz of your knees or hips or back.
I have no game plan for my life right now dad and I should. Mom has always said that by 30 you should know what you want out of life and should have the job, and family and all that. Things just didn't all fall into place like that for me. I have the family, the house, but not the job. I always wished I had gone to school to learn something useful. I have things I'm interested in but I think it's too late to go to school plus I don't have the money to go to school. Still interested in maybe being a CNA but after you told me the flatulence tube story it really made me have 2nd thoughts. I need to find out what it is that I want to do. I've always wanted to check groceries or work at Wal-Mart but I can never get hired when I apply. So frustrating!! Always makes me so mad that they give 16, 17 year olds a chance but they can't give someone like me a chance. Mom said it was cuz I'm too smart. I don't think that's the case. WM gave Auntie a chance. I'm going to start looking for a new job on Monday. Look around and see what I can find. So tomorrow sometime I need to go to Judy's to get the classifieds. Cross your fingers. Nah, you can just pray, like you always did for me.
I put your pictures in those picture frames you gave me. Ones that you found in the trash. So I now have your picture all over my room. Rob put your hat, the one you had given him but then took back home when you came for his birthday, on top of the movie cabinet next to our Jesus statue. He said it deserved a place where it would be honored and not get damaged. Think that kid mighta loved you as much as you loved him. He always kept things in, probably didn't say I love you enough but I know that you two had a special bond.
Talked to mom today. She cried. It made me sad cuz I know how bad she needs a hug and I wasn't there to give it to her. She's not sure what she wants and I have really thought things through and know that I can't live in Kansas unless all of us go and 2/3 of us don't wanna leave Georgia right now. I had to think long term and long term I need to be here with Shaun n Rob. I would love to be able to tell mom I've come and am staying forever but now is just not the time for all of us to be moving back. Mom and I just need to get a handle on things. We can handle this thing called life on a day to day basis without having to hold on to each others hands even though that's what we both want right now. We have to be adults. There is this song going through my head today, its not one you'd know. It's by Kelly Clarkson, My Life would Suck without you.. and pops... my life SUCKS without you here. Could almost guarantee that things suck for mom too. :(
Guess I better go to bed. I'm wiped out and my knees are hurting so bad. I love you (forehead kiss) talk to you in a little bit!
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