October 28

Hi papa..How's heaven today? Can't wait until it's my day to see that wonderful place and be with you again. I'm doing OK. I'm worried about mom though. Wish you were here so badly. My boss had weight loss surgery a month ago and I've been telling mom about it. She's seriously considering getting it done. She's going to the doctor Thursday to discuss it with him. Dad, I'm at a loss for words. I've been trying to get her to understand she doesn't need it done. She's beautiful the way she is. She's mom. She's Bev. She's wonderful just like she is. I worry about her doing it cuz of her age, cuz of her blood pressure problems and all that. I worry her doing it and being alone. I know auntie is right there but still. Her and I are about the same size and I would never fathom doing it. I don't think it's safe. She's already lost a lot of weight since we lost you. She's fine the way she is.  I worry about losing her and if that happens, I'll be lost. I know we will someday but hopefully not for years and years to come. She's always the one who's always there for me whenever I need someone to talk to, vent to, cry to, laugh with, she's my loudest cheerleader. She's my best friend and the only person besides Joe that I can talk to about anything and not be embarrassed. I think there's more to it then losing the weight. I think she's sad and still depressed about losing you and I think she's a little lonely. She keeps herself busy so she doesn't have to think about things but she's apparently slowed down enough to start thinking about things. I mean, if there were things she couldn't do... like walk up stairs, even just a few or get in and out of the bathtub cuz of her size, tie her shoes I might understand but she can do all those things. I know her knees are hurting her but I don't think it's so much cuz of her weight. I think it has to do with the falls she took at work and also her age. God made her fluffy and made me fluffy. We are who we are. I'd like to lose weight too but I know what I need to do and that's get off my lard butt and move it and stop eating so much dang sugar and watch my portions. I've done nothing about losing weight since we lost you. I've gained 23 lbs since me and Joe got together and he thinks I'm perfect the way I am. I beg to differ but if he's happy, heck, so am I. How I wish you were here to hug her, remind her how beautiful she is, how special and important she is to so many people and tell her she does not need to have this drastic, irreversible risky surgery. I'm trying daddy but she's not hearing me.
In other news of my world, work is going OK. Still waiting to get my bonus that we earned. Was supposed to be on our last check but it wasn't so hopefully this next one. Need to get Hoochee fixed and get my title and tag crap taken care of for my car. Also start thinking about getting Christmas presents and Joe's birthday is coming too. Gonna try to find him something special, working on it. It'll be tricky though cuz we do everything together so gotta get it somehow so he doesn't know about it. Haven't really talked to Robbie. I guess Shaun is going to try to get him to enroll in the community college and take some graphic arts classes. I don't think either one of them realize that you have to take core classes before you take the classes you're going to school for. Whatev. I'm not much a part of their world anymore, I'm on a need to know basis,  getting kinda used to it. I was looking at my ex mother in laws Facebook page the other day and she has this post on there about Shaun and it says something about he's living in Utah now and is happily married. I had to LOL cuz that's like saying he and I never were. We were at some point, not towards the end, but sometime in the 20 years we were. Or I was anyway. I don't think she ever really liked me but just between you, me and the hole in the wall.. I didn't ever really like her. She was always so judgmental. Always acted like Shaun did no wrong. I remember when she came in 2000 and I suspected Shaun was cheating on me she told me I should just accept it cuz I was doing nothing to hold on to him as far as like wearing makeup and trying to lose weight. I was who I was and I didn't wear makeup cuz he always accused me of cheating on him if I went out with makeup on. It's whatever. He is no longer my problem or even a thought to me. I'm elated in the position and place I am now. Joe is an absolute blessing and gift from God above and I thank him every single day for such a wonderful, caring man that I know without a doubt truly loves me. Guess I'll go. If there's a way you can, let mom know you are still here with us. Give her a hug, send her a sign. Daddy, she doesn't need that surgery, speak thru that doctor and tell her. I love you. I miss you every single day. (forehead kiss!!-- Huge Hug) Talk to you in a little bit.

October 14

Hi dad. How be you? I'm ok. I miss you. I was piddling around on the Internet and came across our old place. It's only 21K. Lol. I'm sure being a foreclosure they didn't fix the sewer problems. Its a nice thought to toy with the idea of getting it back but I also think that's a chapter of my life long gone and over with. It wouldn't be the same. Plus it's more room than Joe and I need. Being in the garage would be hard cuz that was where you hung out when you came. Seeing Rob's room empty would be impossible. Betcha he'd move back though. Dreams make the world go round, huh? 

Work is going ok. I'm so ready for Missy to come back. She's supposed to on Wednesday. We made bonus, did I tell you that? I ain't never made bonus before. Idk how much but still sweet I'm getting one. We need to get Hoochee spayed and I need to get my title n tags taken care of so probably use it for that. Hopefully. That's the plan anyway. Nothing else has been said about me moving up yet but if my competition is Chase and Josh, I'm in like Flynn. 

We got to see mom last week which was great of course. Time always goes by too fast though. Joe and I helped her by cleaning out her garage and Joe hung pictures all around and her clocks. She'll never be late cuz she's got lots of clocks. :) I'd like to get some more time off and go up and help her go thru those tubs. I'm sure we could have one heckuva garage sale or donate a lot to some good cause. Snick was so happy to see her. He knew right where we were when we were getting into her area. He perked up, was looking out the window, shaking his nub. Lol. He's not sure about her floor though. He'll get the hang of it, I think a good manicure may help too. I think he needed her as much as she needs him. I feel a little better knowing she's not alone. Alone sux sometimes. I'm worried about her knee though. I think it's the same one she hurt when she fell at work. Next time we go I wanna go during the day so we can go to the donut bank in Evansville. That place is neat and the donuts are so yummy. We went to Villas when we were there. I like that place. Deb made that yummy soup for us, for me. I love that stuff. Mom made that cinnamon chocolate cake. I wish I had brought more of it home with me. Only brought 4 pcs and I've devoured them so I'm all out until I see her again. I should probably get the recipe, huh? Mom is doing ok, she's sad and I think probably lonely too. She still misses you as do I. She keeps herself busy with church things or her quilting. Her and auntie galavant, I'm glad she's got her to be with. Her n auntie are real close and I suppose if I can't be there, she's the next best thing. The drive home was long. Seemed long. Joe kept dozing off so it was hard for me to stay awake but I did.  We got home about 430. 

Don't know much else daddy. Suppose I'll go. I love you papa. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.