February 27

Hey Papa.. Not sure what to think dad. Shaun is telling me that he and Rob are planning on moving to Utah. Nothing is definite yet but looks like it's going to happen. Shaun is getting back together with his first wife and thinks they have a future together. I don't but maybe she's into lazy and crazy. Shaun has all the grandiose ideas of how things are gonna be in Utah and who knows, maybe things will be OK and he and Judy will work out but I don't think she knows what Shaun is really like. I mean the lazy, sleep all the time, I'll do what I want and overdo what I have no idea or business doing. Whatever. It is what it is. I just worry for Robbie. He's 19 going on 12. He has no want to do anything. Just stays in his dungeon all the time playing video games and drawing furries. Yep, he's still into that crap. Shaun has found a Larp group for him to join and some Furry group out in Utah. Rob is of course excited about that but seriously... its ridiculous lame crap. Larp is Live action role play.. like dungeons and dragons for grown ups. Shaun is still holding out that Rob is gonna get on social security. I think its a shame that Shaun has Rob believing that's all there is for him. The possibility of getting money for nothing really. Thinking that's how life is or supposed to be. Rob can work, he is able to do anything really.  He just has no desire at all to get a job, even try. Shaun is totally running with the he has Asperger's thing and OK, yes, he has Asperger's.. doesn't mean the government should pay for Rob to sit on his butt cuz of it. Makes me sad, makes me feel like I somehow let him down, didn't do something right but I know dad, I did the best I could with what I had. I was a damn good mom to him. A stellar mom compared to Shaun's parenting. He lived the first 18 years of his life giving a shit little about what Rob needed, wanted, was all about. Then when I leave, then he's interested. I gave that kid whatever he wanted for the most part and tried to instill in him what life and the real world are really like. He was all gung ho and ready to go for it and then boom, he has no want to do nothing. He says it's because of me leaving and getting with Joe. OK, fine.. if there needs to be someone to blame, let it be me but OK, blame laid.. let's move on. Get on with life in the real world. When he was growing up I didn't want him to turn out like Shaun and he has completely become his dad.
Moving on, that subject annoys the crap outta me!! I quit Krystal, finally, for good! I'm working now at Long John Silver's. Getting minimum but that's OK. I'm still working and I am happy. I really like it so far. I was thinking today how mom was so involved in the church then all that happened and y'all moved out to River of Life and she decided she was gonna be a pew sitter.. so, I think I just wanna be a pew sitter for a little while. It's awesome to go to work, do your job and leave when you are supposed to. Just later, see ya. I know it's not always gonna be fun or a great time but right now, it is. I don't know much else. I had more to tell ya but I got sidetracked and I gotta go get Joe from work so I will talk to ya after a bit. I love you papa. Miss you more than you could ever know.. well, I bet you know.. cuz I'm sure there are days you are up in Heaven wishing how much you could be here with us but I also bet that Heaven is an amazing place and anyone would be crazy to wanna leave. Just save me a place, K?! (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.

February 12

Hey papa. Here's what's been happening. Let's see.. made it to Illinois to see mom. We started the day with a stop in Murfreesboro for a Scentsy thing. It was kinda neat but way boring. I got some kewl stuff though. We left the thing early cuz I wanted to get to mom's before dark, by dark and holy hanna.. we got lost and a 4 hr trip took us almost 8. I was sooooooo mad! Our directions said to merge toward 65 and we missed the next step saying get back on 24. So we took 65 all the way up and had to boogie back to 64 and then we finally were back on track. It was quite irritating. There was road construction in Nashville and we got locked into this one lane for 65 but thought we were going right so didn't think anymore about it until I passed exit 81 on 65 and it wasn't the exit I wanted. We rented a truck to go get the bed. It was costly but the truck was nice. It was a 2013 F 150 with ALL the bells and whistles. It was NICE. Pirelli tires, back up camera, Sirius radio, power seats. Woo.. Joe was in love. Got to mom's about 930. Felt so bad we were late cuz she had cooked us a yummy dinner. That roast with the mushroom gravy and corn casserole and cinnamon chocolate sheet cake. Her blood pressure is up and I'm worried about her. Especially now since she's all by herself. I mean, she has Auntie just a couple blocks away but she's just there in this little house, alone. I worry about her so much that she might have a stroke or fall and no one would know or I don't know, something. I worry she's not going to enjoy being retired, that she'll get bored and depressed cuz she's not working. Hopefully after she gets her house together she'll find something to spend her time on. It was good to see her even though it was a very short, too short of a trip. I wanna get some time to go up there and just be with her. Hang out with her like I used to but don't know when that will happen. Since Joe can't drive it'll be kinda hard to leave town cuz we both won't always be able to be off the same time. Still trying to get my night schedule back. Funny cuz when I worked at East Ridge I did nothing but days and wouldn't do nights but when I got to Lee Highway I got put on nights and like it. She keeps giving me excuses as to why I can't be on nights and it's all bunk. She is just mad at Matt and doesn't wanna work with him. He needs days, I need nights so I don't see why she won't. She tells me I can't work with Joe but then scheduled me to work with him tomorrow night. Makes no sense to me.
She asked me if I was interested in moving up to assistant manager. Told her I had to think about it. Yes, it's more money but I'm one of those stupid ppl who'd rather be happy then rich. I like the position I'm in at the moment. Think I'll just stay where I'm at for now. Probably a mistake but it's my mistake. Comes with just a little more responsibility but its practically stuff I'm already doing. We had a manager meeting the other day and she tried to feed us this BS of we have to be on call 24/7 and sleep with our phones. Hmm, my thoughts on that are.. I'm not an EMT, fireman, policeman, nurse or doctor and I do have a life and other responsibilities outside of Krystal. She also tried to tell us that we couldn't have a 2nd job. Being apartment mgrs. we get $200 off our rent off the top and when I'm off we have apartments to clean, show, rent to collect, etc and I can't not do that stuff if I want that 200 off. Mom says I need to decide what I want. Think I have. I've seen Robin's true colors and they are ugly. I'll just stay where I'm at and do what I'm doing. Also think I'll start looking and applying for other jobs. There has to be something out there, some place.
We got tickets to go to Bristol in March. I am so excited. My first NASCAR race. Our seats are on the back straightaway on the pit side, 2 rows back.. sweet seats papa!! Wish you were here, we'd take you with us! Wouldn't it be a hoot!! I plan on doing a lot of things I always wanted to with Shaun but he never wanted to. Joe is willing to do anything I wanna do. Years ago when we I first met Shaun's sister Karen she worked for some radio station and got us in to see them practicing for time trials in Daytona. It was hella kewl and so loud. Haven't watched racing since we lost Dale Earnhardt so I guess it's time. Gonna be a blast!
I talked to Shaun the other day like a civil adult. Youda been proud.. lol. He told me that he's considering moving to Utah with Robbie because there are more opportunities there for them and his ex wife and him are talking about getting back together, yeah, like that'll work. BAHAHAHA! Whatever, if it makes him happy, whatever right?! I asked Rob if that's what he wants and he said not really but being with dad is better than being with me and Joe. Well, alrighty then. Good luck to the both of them. I'll miss Rob but I don't get to see him much now. I called the other day and asked if he wanted to hang out and he said, what for, there's nothing to do over here anyway. Hmm.. well ok.. yep, kinda hurt but he's an adult now so I can't make him do anything.  Ya know dad I was with Shaun for almost 20 years and never felt as loved as I do with Joe. Every single day he tells me how much he loves me, shows me, and every day tells me I'm beautiful. Every day. Even on the days I don't feel pretty at all. He is absolutely amazing dad. I thank God and you every day for sending him to me. Last night we were going to sleep and he hugged me and told me that I was a helluva woman and he's never been happier in his whole life. Shaun never said things like that. It's not just that stuff that makes me love him.. but he helps keep the apartment clean, he's a neat freak.. freakier than me! And he's always tinkering with things. I just love him to pieces daddy. I could go on and on about him. You woulda liked him a lot.  Don't know what else I know right now. About time for me to go get my Joey. I love you dad. (forehead kiss!) Talk to you in a little bit.