April 20

I miss you like crazy. Some days are better than others, this is an other. Work isn't going OK. I'm hating my job n hate that I feel like that. This was to be the job to end all jobs. I was so excited to start working there. The thrill is gone. My boss sucks. I got put on 11-830s n yes, I was mad but I've since gotten over it cuz it's not changing n I'm closing with Daniel so it is what it is. But I made mention of some things I noticed as a deli lead that need attention n told Tim about them n it got flipped back on me n I got blamed n told it was because of my attitude and to figure it out. So he doesn't want to help me and the other deli leads aren't helping so I figured it out n just do the things myself. One mainly being the dang dishes. If we don't keep up on them thru the day at night there are so many you're doing dishes for hours n no one but me, Daniel n sometimes Kaitlyn do the dishes. I told Tim that needed to change n he tells me he's not a babysitter n wasn't going to help change it. When you're getting no help from the boss what do you do, go over the boss's head, which I have. I talked to Carol the other night n told her of my plight n she told me she emailed Bill, THE boss n told him what's up n I'm to get with him n see what can be done. I told her I wanted to be transferred to another department within the store or transferred to another store. She doesn't want to lose me, said it'd be a mistake if Tim let me go. We know this, right? But daddy I just can't stay there, not with Tim. Not with Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn is Tim's little pet, she chases after him like a little puppy. And the way she talks to ppl. Ugh. She makes my blood boil. I think ima go talk to the lady in charge at mission ridge store, it's about 10 minutes from here. That's the store I'd prefer to be transferred to. Idk if I can, idk if I should go over there but ima go. Joe mainly just wants me happy but I'm not feeling very supported. He says that with every job comes BS which I know but when you reach out to the boss n he snarks back, figure it out n it's because of my attitude, that's more BS than one should have to deal with. I don't wanna lose my full time n benefits but almost to the point idc if I do. Entertained the notion of going back to fast food, God help me, but I guess it's the structure n I guess, the organization of it. You know at what times you'll be busy, usually. You know at what time you need this or that done, if you get a good team it's like a well oiled machine n things just run smoothly. Not so chaotic n unorganized like it is in the deli. I could really use one of your big hugs about now. You've been in my dreams lately n idk why. It's like every night you've been there for the past few nights. You talk to me or we're walking some place...but we never get there or get to finish our conversation cuz you have to go n I wake up in tears. I miss you papa. So much. Guess I'll go. I love you daddy. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. XOXO. 

April 3

  Hi daddy!! It's been a while I know. Life is going good for your baby girl. Work is going OK. My boss had a meltdown a few weeks ago and I thought I had blown it but he had his fit, I had mine and we're past it. I'm on closes this week and it sucks. I'm not a closer. I'm a up with the sun opener type person. I told him too. Told him I rather hated my schedule this week. He agreed. Said it was the store manager who did the schedule. Uh huh, likely story.
   Mom was here last week. I was so glad too. Just to come home and have her sitting there was a good thing. Didn't really do much cuz we had to work but just being together was fun.  She brought Snick with her. She was convinced he was gonna come home to you while she was here cuz he was really tired and looked pathetic. Poor guy was apparently constipated. Joe took him outside and he was finally able to do the deed and was a much happier camper after that. I do think it's about his time though. Which makes me so sad cuz he's like the last thing we have besides our memories that keeps us connected to you. Joe doesn't understand how very special Snick is to me, to us. Mom saw some real pretty hearts that you can put ashes in that I think she might get so when it is time, she's going to have him cremated and put some in each of them and then the rest she'll spread on your apartment so you two can always be together.. but y'all will always be together anyway I know. Mom looks good. I think she's lost enough weight. I think she was fine the way she was before too. But she's happy and that's all that matters. I still worry about her. You know those feelings I would get when you'd come or I'd come there and then cry like a baby about leaving cuz I was scared it'd be the last time we saw each other... kinda felt that way this last time when she left.. I teared up when she pulled away cuz you never know when God is gonna be ready for you. Hopefully though it's gonna be a long, long time. I always was so happy for this older lady I used to work with at the bus barn who was in her 70s and still had both of her parents around. I thought that was hella-kewl.
  Things with Joe are still great. He makes me so happy. Our 2nd anniversary is in about 3 weeks. Best I Definitely Do I ever said. :) I wish you coulda known him and he you. You'd have loved him I'm sure. I don't know much more. I miss you daddy. If only for one more day... I'd never have let you go to the preacher's house that day.. driven the way you went.. something. But mom says, it was His plan and I suppose it was. When it's our time, it's time no matter what we do to avoid it. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.