May 29

Hi dad. I know I don't come here as often as I did. It doesn't mean I'm over you being gone or don't wanna talk. I've learned you are everywhere with me. You're in my heart n soul and always will be. I wish Heaven had phones or visiting hours. I'd be there all the time or you'd be at least just a phone call away. Things are going OK. Joe and I are doing good. He's without a job again. He was working at a window install place and a couple weeks ago the boss met him soon as he got there and told him he didn't fit in and suggested he find something else. Felt so bad for him. His so called friend Andy who helped him get the job has stopped talking to him too. He doesn't know why and says he doesn't care. He'll find something else I know he will. He's a good man daddy. Takes good care of your baby girl. I still wish you could've met him. He could have used having a father figure in his life like you. I know you didn't always approve of Shaun's stupidity but you were always nice to him. I think though you and Joe could have been great friends. He's got common sense and uses it. He can also hold an intelligent conversation. Lol. I'm learning he's not perfect but he's perfect to me. Just like you were. Mom would get so frustrated when I'd go on about how wonderful you were. Remember? Lol. I knew you weren't perfect. But you were to me.

So how's it going up there? I like to believe you have this amazing log cabin and on the porch are two rocking chairs and you sit patiently and wait for mom. That you have this beautiful lake out in front that has impeccable landscaping and you can fish whenever you like and catch the biggest catfish. That your hips, knees and back no longer hurt and you only need your glasses to compliment your outfit not to see because your vision is again perfect. I have to believe this for my own sanity. I came across the pictures of your accident. The truck and you laid out. Still hard to look at them. 

I got my money center stuff done and am now in the money center. I love it daddy. It's usually quiet in there and I like the quiet. I truly hope I can work at Walmart the rest of my working days. I like it so much. I'm getting decent hours and good pay. No benefits except that I have a job. Thankful for that.

I'm really, really bored today. :( Joe went to Charlotte today with his sister to the race. He wasn't going to but changed his mind at the last minute. I could have gone but it didn't feel right. I don't know any of the ppl that went plus we're broke and I didn't feel right spending someone else's money but he apparently has no problem doing it. So I'm here, bored and alone. I'm just hanging out in my room, watching the race on TV. 

Mom found out she has a right bundle branch blockage. She's had tests and stuff and says she's ok. I hope she truly is. I worry so much about her. I can't lose her daddy. I know you need her too but I just pray we get to keep her a while longer. She just got back from seeing Richard. I guess had fun. Didn't really talk about it. I'm hoping to see her on June 20th. I have to work on the 17th. I haven't worked on June 17 since you left, it's been 6 years. I guess it's time. It's hard getting time off from work anyway. You'll definitely be on my mind. You always are. 

Rob is coming in July. I'm excited but also a little meh about it. He doesn't talk to me much and I think it's going to be awkward. He doesn't like Joe and I'm all about Joe. I just hope they get along and Rob isn't disrespectful to him. Joe would take it but not for long. There's times I wish that I had met Joe sooner so he could have been an influence to him. I think it would have done Rob good. But I know S would have gotten his mom to help fight to keep Robbie. Oh well. It is what it is. I don't know much else. Guess I'll go. I love you dad. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.