July 14

It's been about a month since I last posted here but ya know I'm always thinking of you. So, here's what's been going on. Nothing really, just life. At work, I got certified for shift manager. It wasn't that hard. A little nerve racking but that's cuz ppl from corporate were there and we were so incredibly busy cuz we were having a special on fish sandwiches. $1 a piece. It was only a two day special thankyajesus. There are a few things I still need to smooth out but overall it's ok. There's a lady that works there who's been there 11 years and she tries telling me what to do. Tries telling the other ppl what to do. I don't wanna be disrespectful to her cuz she's older then me and tell her to stfu but its grates my nerves when she does it. Have to figure out how to handle her. When I send my cook on break the window is full but then we get hit and I'm scrambling to cook up what we need. Little things but I'll figure them out. Still wanna be assistant manager someday so I just have to keep that goal in my head and not let stupid things and ppl bring me down. Had to take a food safety class and I got 2nd highest score in the class. :) Really icked me out though and when I go out to eat now I'm really paying attention to the servers and all that. 

I got to see mom and auntie on the 17th. It was what I thought it would be, just lunch and go back our separate ways. About an hour. It was good to see them but wish it could have been longer. I don't know when I'll get to see her again. That's always the toughest part. Having to say goodbye cuz I never know when I'll see her again. I get scared sometimes cuz I worry it'll be like it was with you. She's fine, we just talked, then I'll get that call that she's gone to be with you and I won't get to say goodbye. Just have to look at her lying there and wonder, now what? She'll wear purple and Woodrow will be there too. Gosh dad....this makes me miss her even more! She's going to Kansas this week to see Richard and them and idk what else. Just pray she's careful and safe. (Mom, I know you'll read this....I love you lady! Be careful!) 

Thought Rob was gonna come back but things calmed down and he's staying. About a week ago, Rob called me sobbing cuz Shaun was gonna kick him out cuz Rob refused to go to job corps so I got things arranged with mom and Aunt Norma to get him home. He refused to come, said dumdum calmed down and he was going to find a job. He still doesn't have one, and things are the way they were. I don't think Rob should have gone to Utah to begin with but he wouldn't stay cuz of Joe. If he'd just give Joe a chance he'd see what a great guy he is. But he won't so all I can do is be there to calm him down when Shaun explodes again, which we all know will happen again. 

Joe and I are good. Been together 11 months tomorrow. Things are so different then they were 11 months ago and for that I'm thankful. Joe has brought so much happy to my life. Showed me being happy and doing for myself is ok and what I'm supposed to do. He'll clean up the apartment then I'll get home from work and not have anything to do. It's definitely different and way kewl. 

The other night I was drifting off to sleep and was between dream land and awake and started to see you and grandma and the other ppl in our family who've passed away and y'all were saying come on, it's time. Tell him goodbye. My eyes were filling with tears in my dream and for real and I kept saying, no I'm not ready to say goodbye. I don't wanna come yet. I can't say goodbye yet. Y'all kept urging me to come and I kept saying no. I woke up bawling and saying no, not yet I can't tell him goodbye. Joe thought I had done lost my mind but holy moly dad..it was so real. I can't wait to see you again, when that day comes I will embrace it. For now, I think I'm just gonna embrace having such a good man to love and that loves me back. Guess I'll go for now. Love you daddy! (Forehead kiss) talk to you in a little bit.