July 4

Hi daddy. Happy 4th of July. I know you didn't like this holiday. Nothing happy about it. I think my marriage is over. Now, to just figure out what the hell I'm going to do. A lot has happened since I last wrote you. Joe didn't really go to the race. He spent the day with his sister smoking crack. The entire day. I know I should have left then but he beat himself up enough about it so we moved on. But most all of June he snapped at me constantly. Anything I'd say he'd bite my head off. I was ready to leave then but with Rob coming I told myself I'd wait until after that. Then he moves his daughter in. Every and any thing I say about her is wrong. It's wrong for me to be upset about anything she's done. He said he's sick of it and had it up to here. So have I. He was going to leave last night but I started crying and he sat back down on the bed and then preceded to explain how things are going to work so she can transfer parole down here. Told me what I was going to do and not do. He told me he's going to treat Robbie the same way I treat Brittany and he can't wait to prove to me Rob is going to act just like she is. He said he doesn't have any friends because of me and I'm too much in his business so fuck it. I'll get out of his life so he can have friends and his daughter and I'll no longer be in his business. My eyes are swollen from all the crying I've done. My stomach and head hurt too. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have no reason to stay here except for my job. I think I might see how to transfer. He says he loves me more than anyone he ever has but I feel like 2 inches tall and like I'm a problem to him. He can't do all the shady shit he's done in his past relationships. I feel like he's pushing me away after we were so close when we first got together. He's says all relationships have periods like this but this has been going on since May. We fight all the time over the dumbest crap. He says I don't trust him. He's kinda fractured that trust word but I'm supposed to act like everything is fine. I don't know how daddy. I wish you were here. I need one of your hugs so bad. I can't go through 20 years of this. I stayed with Shaun because of Robbie. Put up with his crap because I didn't think anyone else would ever want me. I learned with Joe that wasn't the case. I was so happy when we got together. I don't know what happened or why we can't get it back on the rails. I'm gonna go. I love you dad. I miss you so much! (Forehead kiss)