January 15

Hi papa. Wish you could tell me how you are doing. Wish I could call heaven n talk to you. I'd call you every week, just like I used to. I so need to talk to you about mom. I don't know what's going on with her. I mean, she's fine but idk daddy, she's just into so many new things. Things that have me scratching my head wondering what happened to my mom. I think she's still looking for things to keep her busy so she doesn't have time to think about things. She's always found things to stay busy. Even more so since you left. She's working on becoming a chaplain. I mean, it's a noble thing to do but seems out of character for her. I mean, she's a good person, always has been, it's just odd for me to hear she's becoming a chaplain. I think of Rick or John. Not my mom. Not saying she can't do it, it's just odd for me. When she moved to Illinois she was going to find a church and be a pew sitter. shes way past pew sitter. She's still going to have that damn surgery. Still breaks my heart. Makes me worry so much about her. I just don't understand why all of this started. She says she's wanted it for 25 yrs. She wants to tuck in her shirt. I just don't understand why she can't just change her diet and keep going to the gym. She was supposed to retire and have fun. Not start a new life. She has me more concerned for her than before she retired. I just don't wanna lose her daddy. I don't think I could handle losing her anytime soon. 

Me n Joe are doing good. He still makes me so very happy. He treats me like a queen. I still at times have a hard time accepting that he truly loves me and wants nothing but my happiness. S never wanted that, never was good to me like Joe is. I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful man loving me. I thank the good Lord above for Joe everyday. He is one of my greatest blessings. 

Work is going ok. Have SERs coming up. Hate them, we clean, prepare and wait forever for the person to show up. It's somebody new too. Hear they are more thorough than who we had before. Just hope it goes well whenever it is. Things around here are meh. We have some tenants who have been letting her family stay with them and I've told them repeatedly they can't be there. Denny wrote up something for us to give him saying he's in default of his lease and they must leave. They haven't been home today to deliver it. I'm a little worried about what'll happen after we deliver it. The stepdad is a real jackass. We think he broke my antenna off my car. Can't prove it though. I also have a broken windshield. Last week coming back from Rome I was following a semi and he kicked up a rock and it hit my windshield. Can't afford to fix it so it'll have to wait. 

Don't know much else. I still miss you terribly. Wish you were here. The world's gone crazier since you left but I'm sure you're able to see all that from Heaven. Guess I'll go. I love you daddy (forehead kiss). Talk to you in a little bit. 

 Love you so much dad.

January 9

Happy birthday daddy. Wish you were here. I'd have sent you a sappy card and idk what else. I had court today for my bankruptcy. It went ok I guess. Now I just wait for my discharge. I was so nervous  about going. Joe said to think of it like divorcing my debt. I suppose but it didn't help. I was still nervous. Don't know much else. I love you daddy. (Forehead kiss) talk to you in a little bit. 

Made you this...

January 4

Happy new year daddy. It's now 2014. We're actually getting some winter weather. Saying rain changing to snow tomorrow night. Yuck. I'm doing ok. Me and Joe are great. Daddy, you'd have loved Joe for so many reasons but mainly how he loves your daughter. When I get home from work at night the house is clean, leaving me nothing to do and I find a note, a sweet romantic note, from him somewhere in the apartment. I've never been loved like Joe loves me and I adore it and him. You would have so approved of him. Heck, he'd have been your sidekick if we lived closer. Y'all like about all the same things. If only daddy. 

I go to the creditors meeting on Thursday. What would have been your 70th birthday, so I know you'll be with me. I'm a little nervous about it but it is what it'll be. Hold my hand that day, k? 

Ok dad, let's talk about the elephant in the middle of the room. You visited me in my dreams again last night. It was such a vivid dream, like I could reach out and touch you. I was confused though, I didn't understand why you were walking with those others in a line with the hoods on their heads. 

(Dream recap: We were some where with big pillars and like a huge court house, I kept asking anyone passing me if they made a decision yet, if they were going to let you leave and no one would answer me. Then you come around the corner in this line with these other men with their hands tied and hoods on their heads but you didn't have your hands tied or a hood. You saw me and we both smiled and you said, Hey kid! Glad you made it, tell your mother I'm ready for her to come home to me. And then you said, look at this. And you unbuckled your overalls and raised your shirt and showed me these awful bruises on your back. I asked where you got the bruises but then I woke up before you could tell me.)  Daddy, it was so real. You looked so different without your beard but those blue eyes were a sight to see. I laid in bed a few minutes trying to figure out where you got the bruises, maybe your accident? I don't know. I can only pray you come back tonight or real soon. Your welcome in my dreams anytime. I know you're ready for mom but can you wait a little longer? I'm not ready for her to go, maybe you know something we don't. Makes me feel even more against her having her surgery she doesn't need. Oh daddy. :( 

Don't know much else. I'll tell mom what you said, I love you so. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. XoxoxoX