July 19

Hey papa.. having a rough day. Hell, a rough summer. Things have been rough for me since you left. So sick of our situation. So sick of being broke. I looked in the paper for maybe a 2nd job and I saw a couple but wouldn't have the gas to get to said 2nd job so idk what to do. Praying that I get certified this week. I need it to happen so badly. I keep thinking, what kind of accident could I have that would guarantee the guys would get my insurance money? I know, not funny but at least there would be money. Boo is the beneficiary so Shaun would be SOL unless Boo was feeling generous, but with him still being a minor idk what would happen, if he would even get the money. Just would want Boo taken care of, at least to give him a good start. Told Boo last night that if anything should happen to me when I leave the house to remember I loved him. Ya never know dad.. like you didn't know.. only God knows and how I wish he would clue me in on some stuff cuz I feel really lost and hopeless right about now. Just feel like giving up some days.. this is one of those days. I left the house with good intentions of not spending too much and I spent almost all we had to get the few groceries and qtr tank of gas I got and we have like nothing left now and Shaun needs tobacco to roll cigarettes and its my fault cuz I got too many groceries. Can't win for losing dad. Pity party, table for one please. 

Yesterday at work I was getting Bill his coffee and got to thinking how far I've come with being able to talk to him and stuff. I look forward to seeing him and talking to him. He comes in every morning for breakfast and gets what you would get.. I get him his coffee and his salt and pepper and silverware and get his table set up. Check on him as he is eating, getting him his refills of coffee and clearing his table. I got him a refill yesterday and he said, goodness girl, you are spoiling me rotten. Reminded me of you. Could almost hear you say, That's my girl. Made me tear up. I had to leave the lobby for a few minutes and get myself back together.  I worry about Bill though cuz he has asthma and with the humidity he has such a hard time breathing some days. He's been having problems with his knee too. Funny how some of the customers become like fixtures and you expect to see them everyday and worry when you don't. Guess God puts the ppl in your lives that need to be there most times. 

I've been having a pain in my pelvic area. Some days it hurts more than others. Idk what is causing it, just know it hurts. My cycle is all crazy and off and I never know when she is gonna show up. I hate it. I probably should go to the dr but I barely have money for food so I certainly can't go to the dr. I better go. I'm really bummed and think I'm just gonna take a nap. Love you papa. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

July 12

Hey papa.. want you to be on the look out for someone new.. his name is Terry Ford. He got there on Saturday. He was only 52. Had a massive heart attack. I guess he had been in the Krystal Saturday morning for coffee and then went home and told his brother he was going to go work on his scooter in the garage and his brother went out a little while later and found him dead. Couldn't imagine. I'm thinking I might go to the funeral today, show some support. Show the family ppl at the K gave a crap about him and will miss him. Boo might go with me too. Hope so, cuz I don't wanna fly solo. But if you could be looking for him, show him the ropes, he's a really nice guy.
Found out that my name really, really has been submitted this time to who needs to know so I can get that 'promotion' at work. Hope it happens soon cuz money is tight and that extra couple bux an hour will sure help. So sick of having like nothing left after bills are paid and trying to get thru Shaun's thick skull that we can't go buy every damn thing he wants cuz we have some money. Trying to figure out how to make the 100 bux I have last two weeks and stretch it to have enough food on the table and gas in the cars. He hates that I pay the bills first before I worry about us. Bills are first priority, we have to have utilities and a place to live and the car to get me to the job. About to go get some groceries and pay a couple bills now. Being an adult SUX major. Just wanted to stop and say hi and I miss you.
I haven't seen you much in the last few days so I hope that means that you've been hanging with mom. She really needs you dad.. needs to know that you are still there. If she'd slow down a little she'd see you, feel you. I worry so much for her. I called her the other night to tell her about Terry and before we hung up she was crying so hard.. broke my heart. Just wanted to be there to comfort her but I couldn't. She was having a nothing and everything wrong kinda day. I've had my share so I know how that feels. I know that you are probably there cuz you n her were like two peas in a pod.
I better get moving along.. busy day and I'm wasting daylight. Love you so much dad. Wish Heaven could send you back, so many ppl here still need you. I love you dad. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

July 7

Hey papa.. just wanted to vent a few.. found out today that my name WASN'T submitted for me to get re certified. Here I've been waiting and waiting and find out today from THE horse's mouth that my name hasn't come across his desk yet. Great, fabulous, wonderful. CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Three weeks ago my boss sent me a text message that said she was changing my schedule so that I can be there on Thursdays and Fridays because that's when they come to certify and once I'm re certified I will get my Thursday, Friday, and Saturdays back. And it should have happened in three weeks.. this being week 3. BS. Total BS. Shaun called it. He said last week that he bet that my name wasn't even submitted, I asked her, she said it was and then today I find out the truth. Hella pissed daddy. Makes me not know who to trust, makes me wonder what other BS I've been led to believe by the ppl who employ me. I was so frustrated with everything today that I just wanted to walk out but common sense slapped me and reminded me that I have to have that job. It was just a bad day. A very bad day. I spent most of it cleaning or trying to cover my hiney cuz the big boss was there today doing an evaluation on us. It's called the KBE. It means Krystal Brand of Excellence. Its a huge, drawn out inspection he does on us to make sure the store is clean and we are doing everything we are supposed to be doing. I think we did OK but idk. I was just more than ready to leave today when it was time. OK.. I'm done venting.. for now. Hope you are doing OK. How was Heaven today? Catch any big fish yet.. or even Mr. Sneaky?? I love you daddy.. Miss you so so much.. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

July 4

Hey papa.. How's it going? I'm doing OK. Just really tired tonight. I worked 10 1/2 hrs straight again and am exhausted. Did the same thing yesterday. On Sundays and Mondays we don't get breaks. So by the time I get home I'm pooped and very hungry. Idk what's for dinner tonight. Suppose I better figure it out. I was thinking that you sir have the best seat in the house tonight for the fireworks. But then I think, you always hated July 4th so maybe you will be just hiding in your cabin until it's all over. Can't says I blame you papa. The ppl next door and that live behind us keep shooting crap off and it scares the bajeezus outta the animals. We have the neighbor's dog here in our house cuz they don't let him in. Much less pay much attention to him anyway. He's a sweet dog but not ours. Shaun gets mad at me cuz I get tired of him being in the house all the time, the dog.. not Shaun (lol)... and make him go back out. They've asked us if we want him but we keep telling them we can't keep him, cuz we can't.  Makes me think about Snick. I'm sure your stupid neighbors had that stupid block party and shot and are shooting off fireworks out the wazoo. Snick is probably petrified. Too bad today is a Monday cuz mom might have been able to get out of town with him, if even to Brian's to get away from a good part of the noise. Never got much enjoyment outta watching money burn like that anyway.

Work is going OK I guess. I'm supposed to be getting re certified but idk when. Hopefully soon cuz the pay increase will most definitely help. She swears to me she got my name submitted and that I'm good to go. Gonna be peeved if something goes awry. There's this young guy at work, he's in his 20's. He's my relief in the afternoons. Comes to take my place. Anyway, a year ago last week he asked his girlfriend to marry him and a week after that, 368 days ago, she was killed in a car wreck. He was kinda just out of it yesterday when he came in and told me why before I left. Isn't that sad, daddy? I felt bad for the guy. Made me wanna work for him but I had just done a 10 1/2hr shift and was exhausted. He says this time of year is just hard for him which I completely understand. I told him about losing you and I understood how he was feeling. Every day is different. Still have my good n bad days. 

I don't really know much else today dad. I just wanted to tell you hi and I love you.. so HI.. I miss you papa.. Love you oodles!! Talk to you in a little while. <3