April 30

Hey papa.. 

It's been a few weeks since we've talked. I mean, here. I know we still talk all the time. I maybe can't see you daddy but I can feel you here. I know you are still walking with us every day. This month has been interesting. I went and got Brian on the 10th so he could come down and work on getting that red pickup you got running. He was here for the whole week. I know in a perfect world that he wouldn't have it right now but life threw us quite the curve ball with you having to leave us. He bought it from mom. She had a heckuva time getting him to pay for it. Mom took a vacation to Illinois the 16th-24th. Brian was supposed to leave too but didn't. I was so mad at him dad. Sticking around here just being a pain in the woo-hoo!! Ugh. I finally said enough to make him mad and he went home. Like I said, mom went on vacation to Illinois for the week. Spent some time with auntie and Deb's family. Mom is thinking she wants to move to Illinois after she retires. She found some houses she liked and made an offer on one. Thought it was all going to go through then she found out after she got home that they had to turn her down cuz she doesn't make enough money for that one. She said you really would have liked it too. But there are other houses daddy. The one God wants her to have will come open when the time is right. She still has time before she retires to get the rest of her life planned out. And you thought she'd never leave Kansas. Me neither pops. I had mixed emotions about her moving but I've come to terms with it. I know she has to move on and I know that she's not going to leave you behind. You were way too special to be forgotten or left behind. 

I was thinking and meant to ask you. How was Easter?! I bet the celebration in Heaven was amazing and beautiful. Rejoicing the Father all day long. Did they prepare a big meal for you all to share? I like to think that Heaven is a place like a big community. Where you know all your neighbors and everyone likes everyone. Where meals are prepared and there is always plenty for everyone and the weather is always just right. Where your overalls and long sleeve shirts are perfect for all year round. Has your beard gotten longer? When you get to Heaven, do you stay the age you were when you got there or go back to an earlier time in your life? Do you live by yourself or in a big place with all of your family members? I'd like to think that you have a place to yourself with room for mom when she gets there and our family members are your neighbors.  And your place is just beyond the moon, overlooking a big pond for you to fish out of whenever you want. I wish you could answer my questions. I wish I could call you. I wish I could see you. 

  Back home in Ringgold we had a tornado on Wednesday, the 27th. Oh daddy, the devastation is horrible and shocking. Our whole town is gone. The same as. You know, I grew up here and we never ever experienced anything like that. Moving south and that far south you never even think that we could get tornadoes. Boy, were we wrong. Someone had said if a tornado ever got in the mountains it would do a lot of damage and that it did. It came up from Texas then to Arkansas and then through Alabama. It wiped out Vilonia, AR, Tuscaloosa, AL, part of Birmingham and several smaller communities thru there before getting to Ringgold. From there it moved through Tennessee. In Ringgold, right there at the 348, all of the restaurants are gone. The BP is gone, several homes are gone. Trees are everywhere. Too many businesses to mention are destroyed. The middle and high schools there in town got a lot of damage. The middle school will probably just have to be rebuilt. They have all of the kids out of school all of next week and when we go back the school Rob goes to will share their building with the Ringgold kids. They will go 1/2 day and Rob will be done before 12 each day. They will have 3 weeks left when they go back. They are still planning on the kids getting out for the summer on May 27 but they say it will take 6 months at least before the kids from Ringgold will be able to go back to their schools. Rob's senior year is going to be interesting. I know if you had been here, I'd have been in GA and I know you'd have called me several times worried about us. I know you'd probably be here at home gathering as much as you could to bring it down to GA to help us. I don't know dad. You just were always like that. I just think you'd be asking what you could do. I wish I was there so I could help in some way. I guess the restaurants in East Ridge are crazy busy which I can imagine so with so much ruin in Ringgold people have to eat some where. 

We got a new place. Its down 151. I know, you're saying.. where's that? Mom knows. She could drive you. :) But I haven't even seen it in person. I found it in the paper last Sunday and called about it on Monday and Shaun went and saw it and then got it Tuesday. Like just in time--cuz I think God knew what was coming Wednesday. I'm pretty sure it was a God thing cuz God and you knew we needed a better place then where the guys were in that junky trailer in the hood and we needed to get Rob back in his school district. Rob and Shaun have been getting everything moved over there and the trailer cleaned up. Mom helped us get the house and I'm gonna pay her back on our payday. I've only seen a few pictures of it. It's nice. I'm excited to get back so I can see our new place and get back to work at Krystal. I'm hoping I still have a job to go back to since Ringgold is flattened I worry that if there is a position open it's been given to someone who is there now. I just have to put my faith in God that I still am getting it. So whisper to the big guy that I'm a little worried about it and help me find the peace that everything is gonna be OK even if I don't have that job to go back to. I get to go back in 3 weeks. I'm gonna miss mom and Snick but I'm ready to get back to the guys, get back to something that resembles my life. I've missed Boo so much and hate being apart from Shaun. I counted the other day and he had called me over 20 times in that one day!! Yes, much too much.. but he misses me too I guess. I've been blabbing on to ya for about 2 hours now. I remember how you used to think us kids didn't like talking to you. Boy, were you wrong?! I miss you daddy. Every single day. I see things and wanna tell you about them. Experience things I wanna tell you about. And just miss your company. I cherished every time we hung out. Even after all these months, I still don't understand why you had to go. I don't know so much if it was your time. But apparently God was ready for you. I wasn't ready for you to go though. Not that I ever would have been. Better go dad. I love you papa. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

April 6

Hey papa.. how's Heaven today? Earth is still kinda sucky but I'm sure you can tell that from your perch up there. I'm positive you look down on us and keep an eye on us. I even would believe that you sometimes come down from that perch and walk beside us and wrap us in your warmth. God I miss you daddy. Wanna know what made me cry and think of you today? Rocks. Yeah, rocks. I came across some smooth, pretty rocks that you would collect for Boo. I was cleaning out a bucket in your room, trying to get as much as I can of your things put up before Brian gets here on Sunday. Him and his sticky fingers. I'm going to go get him so he can work on the pickup next week. I remember when you drove it home. About this time last year. How you cooked up the story that it was Chris's so he wouldn't ask about it. I knew you didn't really want him to know about it. Let alone him have it now. I just hope he takes care of it. He got fired from Rich cuz he didn't turn in his paperwork or some such silliness. Anyway, I put a couple of your pocket knives away and your Cd's. I know Brian means well but he doesn't have to be so sneaky when he's here. Sneaky pisses me off. Always has. I haven't yet been able to get much done in your room cuz I come across something that floods back a memory and I overflow with the tears. I have a dent in it. You can be in there and use the room, so that's progress I suppose. I thought I would have more time to work on it but my summer plans have been hijacked by my darling husband. Grrrrrr.. 

I had all these things planned for the summer. I was gonna drive for Becky for summer school. Go with mom on June 17 to the "apartment" and help her do something special for you. Can't believe we are coming up on a year. No daddy. It can't already be almost a year since you had to leave us. Ppl lied, you know? They said that time would heal our pain. We've had almost a year of time and yep, my heart still aches and the silliest things still make me cry like a baby. Rocks. Wow. I'm hoping we can get your headstone placed before I go back. I really wanna see it in place. Need to bend mom's ear about that one. I was going to take CNA classes in July and I got a scholarship to cover the tuition. Made me sad to have to withdraw. I hope I can someday take the classes. I had plans to just do what I wanted and what needed to be done. But duty calls. No, scratch that.. my drama filled existence calls. It's been nothing but drama since Judy kicked Shaun n Rob out. I've the same as written her off as my mother in law. I know that usually MIL's n DIL's don't get along but seriously, that woman is crazy. Accusing Rob of saying things. OK, yeah, he said things, he just repeated what her insane self said. It's for the best that they've moved out. Rob is livid he is over there at our new place. Can't say I blame him cuz I don't wanna live there either but it's a roof over our heads so we should just be thankful we have that. Ppl have told us we should just move back into our house. I would really, really like to but we don't want to get ourselves in a situation where we are there and then the bank decides to finally get off their butts and start the foreclosing procedure. I talked to them on Monday and the guy told me that the bank would foreclose on the property when it was economically feasible for them to do it. Gee, thanks.. no really, that helps me so much! NOT!! I HATE Bank of America. Hate them!! I have to go up there tomorrow cuz the idiots didn't close my accounts like I told them to when I went up there on March 10. The guy withdrew the last of the money and said they were closed but apparently didn't get them closed cuz we got charged an insufficient funds fee. The heck if I'm paying it. 

Warm weather finally arrived. Mother Nature finally figured out this is now spring and warm weather comes when spring comes. Only problem now is when it's warm, it's windy as heck here. Kansas weather sucks!! I loathe Kansas weather. It's been nice being here with mom but I've hated the weather about every day. Too windy, warm, wet, cold. It's never just right. What happened to just right? We used to have just right weather when I used to live here. LOL. Going on about the weather so. You were always so easy to talk to... about anything!! Even my disdain about the weather!! I would love to stay and chat all night but I gotta get to bed.  Ya know, was gonna tell you.. when I was coming home a couple weeks ago from GA, I'd stop for gas and get to a place and as I pulled in, think to myself.. hey.. this is where me and dad stopped when we drove home that last time. When I go to KC on Sunday, go along with me for the ride, k?? You were always the best company, even with you telling me how to drive and telling me to stop "herding". My constant impromptu "jake break". What would I ever have done without your invisible breaking... *chuckles*.. and when you'd freak out about being low on gas.. "Oh my God, Oh my God, get to the gas station now. I'm not walking!"...hahaha. I'd sometimes, OK, most of the time, ride around with it low just to rattle ya. :)  Alright papa. I must sleep. I love you. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

April 1

Hey papa.. how are you today? You've been on my mind a lot today. I tried working on your room some today. I didn't make it very far. I got a few things done but lost it when I opened your suitcase you had packed for your trips with John. When I lifted the lid your smell was there and oh boy daddy.. I bawled. Can't believe it's been almost 10 months. Gosh, 10 months. And I'm still not handling things that well. I don't know when I'll be ready to clean that room up without crying. Heck, when I'll be ready to help clean up all your areas. Mom is seriously considering moving to Illinois when she retires and so we'll have to clean things up eventually. Well, when eventually gets here maybe then I'll be ready. I know you wouldn't want us to just hang on to your stuff forever but we're just not ready yet to let it go. We'll get there daddy. Someday. 

Things this week at work were OK. Busy but good. I was busy about every day this week. I should have a nice check come payday. Thank goodness. We're gonna have to set some money aside between now and summer cuz I may or may not work in June and I know I won't be in July cuz of school and won't get back to work until August but will only have one check cuz it takes 3 weeks before you get your first check at Krystal. I plan on hopefully getting into CNA work after I get back to GA but have to get my KS certification switched over to GA/TN. I have a route now, did I tell you that?? I have one kid I pick up. He's a little handicapped kid, in a wheelchair all the time. His mom is his bus aide and she is a squirrel! The oddest of ducks. I get 4 hrs a day for doing it so I guess that's not bad, especially when it's only about 2 hrs of work. Happy to just be working. Becky coulda always have said that she didn't want me back, glad she didn't. 

Mom is sick with a cold. Her cough sounds bad. She needs to just rest. Take a warm shower and just get in bed and veg. Watch reruns and snuggle with Woodrow and just do nothing. She's only taking Coricidin hbp for it. Says it's all she can take. I think she could take something else but she is stubborn. I offered her Nyquil but she said no. Just a second papa... OK, so she's right. Of course she is. Says there's only like a small handful of things and we don't have any of them except the Coricidin stuff and it's almost gone. I'm really hoping I don't get sick too. That mom is sick and mom has been sick. I just wanna stay not sick.

Don't know much else papa. I have to help Shaun a few. Seems there is apparently a drug dealer outside our new place and the guys are livid and paranoid that something is going to happen. Shaun is so mad right now that he didn't know crap like that happened in the trailer park. He wants to move out now. Ugh. And we just got moved in. Another look before you leap thing. Ok. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3