April 6

Hey papa.. how's Heaven today? Earth is still kinda sucky but I'm sure you can tell that from your perch up there. I'm positive you look down on us and keep an eye on us. I even would believe that you sometimes come down from that perch and walk beside us and wrap us in your warmth. God I miss you daddy. Wanna know what made me cry and think of you today? Rocks. Yeah, rocks. I came across some smooth, pretty rocks that you would collect for Boo. I was cleaning out a bucket in your room, trying to get as much as I can of your things put up before Brian gets here on Sunday. Him and his sticky fingers. I'm going to go get him so he can work on the pickup next week. I remember when you drove it home. About this time last year. How you cooked up the story that it was Chris's so he wouldn't ask about it. I knew you didn't really want him to know about it. Let alone him have it now. I just hope he takes care of it. He got fired from Rich cuz he didn't turn in his paperwork or some such silliness. Anyway, I put a couple of your pocket knives away and your Cd's. I know Brian means well but he doesn't have to be so sneaky when he's here. Sneaky pisses me off. Always has. I haven't yet been able to get much done in your room cuz I come across something that floods back a memory and I overflow with the tears. I have a dent in it. You can be in there and use the room, so that's progress I suppose. I thought I would have more time to work on it but my summer plans have been hijacked by my darling husband. Grrrrrr.. 

I had all these things planned for the summer. I was gonna drive for Becky for summer school. Go with mom on June 17 to the "apartment" and help her do something special for you. Can't believe we are coming up on a year. No daddy. It can't already be almost a year since you had to leave us. Ppl lied, you know? They said that time would heal our pain. We've had almost a year of time and yep, my heart still aches and the silliest things still make me cry like a baby. Rocks. Wow. I'm hoping we can get your headstone placed before I go back. I really wanna see it in place. Need to bend mom's ear about that one. I was going to take CNA classes in July and I got a scholarship to cover the tuition. Made me sad to have to withdraw. I hope I can someday take the classes. I had plans to just do what I wanted and what needed to be done. But duty calls. No, scratch that.. my drama filled existence calls. It's been nothing but drama since Judy kicked Shaun n Rob out. I've the same as written her off as my mother in law. I know that usually MIL's n DIL's don't get along but seriously, that woman is crazy. Accusing Rob of saying things. OK, yeah, he said things, he just repeated what her insane self said. It's for the best that they've moved out. Rob is livid he is over there at our new place. Can't say I blame him cuz I don't wanna live there either but it's a roof over our heads so we should just be thankful we have that. Ppl have told us we should just move back into our house. I would really, really like to but we don't want to get ourselves in a situation where we are there and then the bank decides to finally get off their butts and start the foreclosing procedure. I talked to them on Monday and the guy told me that the bank would foreclose on the property when it was economically feasible for them to do it. Gee, thanks.. no really, that helps me so much! NOT!! I HATE Bank of America. Hate them!! I have to go up there tomorrow cuz the idiots didn't close my accounts like I told them to when I went up there on March 10. The guy withdrew the last of the money and said they were closed but apparently didn't get them closed cuz we got charged an insufficient funds fee. The heck if I'm paying it. 

Warm weather finally arrived. Mother Nature finally figured out this is now spring and warm weather comes when spring comes. Only problem now is when it's warm, it's windy as heck here. Kansas weather sucks!! I loathe Kansas weather. It's been nice being here with mom but I've hated the weather about every day. Too windy, warm, wet, cold. It's never just right. What happened to just right? We used to have just right weather when I used to live here. LOL. Going on about the weather so. You were always so easy to talk to... about anything!! Even my disdain about the weather!! I would love to stay and chat all night but I gotta get to bed.  Ya know, was gonna tell you.. when I was coming home a couple weeks ago from GA, I'd stop for gas and get to a place and as I pulled in, think to myself.. hey.. this is where me and dad stopped when we drove home that last time. When I go to KC on Sunday, go along with me for the ride, k?? You were always the best company, even with you telling me how to drive and telling me to stop "herding". My constant impromptu "jake break". What would I ever have done without your invisible breaking... *chuckles*.. and when you'd freak out about being low on gas.. "Oh my God, Oh my God, get to the gas station now. I'm not walking!"...hahaha. I'd sometimes, OK, most of the time, ride around with it low just to rattle ya. :)  Alright papa. I must sleep. I love you. Talk to you in a little bit. <3