October 28

Hi papa..How's heaven today? Can't wait until it's my day to see that wonderful place and be with you again. I'm doing OK. I'm worried about mom though. Wish you were here so badly. My boss had weight loss surgery a month ago and I've been telling mom about it. She's seriously considering getting it done. She's going to the doctor Thursday to discuss it with him. Dad, I'm at a loss for words. I've been trying to get her to understand she doesn't need it done. She's beautiful the way she is. She's mom. She's Bev. She's wonderful just like she is. I worry about her doing it cuz of her age, cuz of her blood pressure problems and all that. I worry her doing it and being alone. I know auntie is right there but still. Her and I are about the same size and I would never fathom doing it. I don't think it's safe. She's already lost a lot of weight since we lost you. She's fine the way she is.  I worry about losing her and if that happens, I'll be lost. I know we will someday but hopefully not for years and years to come. She's always the one who's always there for me whenever I need someone to talk to, vent to, cry to, laugh with, she's my loudest cheerleader. She's my best friend and the only person besides Joe that I can talk to about anything and not be embarrassed. I think there's more to it then losing the weight. I think she's sad and still depressed about losing you and I think she's a little lonely. She keeps herself busy so she doesn't have to think about things but she's apparently slowed down enough to start thinking about things. I mean, if there were things she couldn't do... like walk up stairs, even just a few or get in and out of the bathtub cuz of her size, tie her shoes I might understand but she can do all those things. I know her knees are hurting her but I don't think it's so much cuz of her weight. I think it has to do with the falls she took at work and also her age. God made her fluffy and made me fluffy. We are who we are. I'd like to lose weight too but I know what I need to do and that's get off my lard butt and move it and stop eating so much dang sugar and watch my portions. I've done nothing about losing weight since we lost you. I've gained 23 lbs since me and Joe got together and he thinks I'm perfect the way I am. I beg to differ but if he's happy, heck, so am I. How I wish you were here to hug her, remind her how beautiful she is, how special and important she is to so many people and tell her she does not need to have this drastic, irreversible risky surgery. I'm trying daddy but she's not hearing me.
In other news of my world, work is going OK. Still waiting to get my bonus that we earned. Was supposed to be on our last check but it wasn't so hopefully this next one. Need to get Hoochee fixed and get my title and tag crap taken care of for my car. Also start thinking about getting Christmas presents and Joe's birthday is coming too. Gonna try to find him something special, working on it. It'll be tricky though cuz we do everything together so gotta get it somehow so he doesn't know about it. Haven't really talked to Robbie. I guess Shaun is going to try to get him to enroll in the community college and take some graphic arts classes. I don't think either one of them realize that you have to take core classes before you take the classes you're going to school for. Whatev. I'm not much a part of their world anymore, I'm on a need to know basis,  getting kinda used to it. I was looking at my ex mother in laws Facebook page the other day and she has this post on there about Shaun and it says something about he's living in Utah now and is happily married. I had to LOL cuz that's like saying he and I never were. We were at some point, not towards the end, but sometime in the 20 years we were. Or I was anyway. I don't think she ever really liked me but just between you, me and the hole in the wall.. I didn't ever really like her. She was always so judgmental. Always acted like Shaun did no wrong. I remember when she came in 2000 and I suspected Shaun was cheating on me she told me I should just accept it cuz I was doing nothing to hold on to him as far as like wearing makeup and trying to lose weight. I was who I was and I didn't wear makeup cuz he always accused me of cheating on him if I went out with makeup on. It's whatever. He is no longer my problem or even a thought to me. I'm elated in the position and place I am now. Joe is an absolute blessing and gift from God above and I thank him every single day for such a wonderful, caring man that I know without a doubt truly loves me. Guess I'll go. If there's a way you can, let mom know you are still here with us. Give her a hug, send her a sign. Daddy, she doesn't need that surgery, speak thru that doctor and tell her. I love you. I miss you every single day. (forehead kiss!!-- Huge Hug) Talk to you in a little bit.