August 18

Hey Papa.. well phooey.. I tried yet again to take that test and again the computer is down. OMG! I am getting so frustrated. I sent a text message to the manager and to Don and neither one answered the msgs. Shaun said, just go to another store.. hmm.. there's a thought! I just might do that. I like that suggestion. He said, you have the same opportunities to advance at which ever store you go to. So true! He's so smart sometimes.

Did nothing again today. Talked to my friend, Maria, get to see her Saturday! I can't wait! She's leaving at 4 am to head to Ft Knox to see her son graduate from basic training. She's a stronger mom than me cuz I will def not be letting Boo enter the military. He's my one and only. My baby. 

We made 20bux scrubbing out Judy's garbage can. It was so nasty! Shaun said we were going to use the money to go eat tomorrow. Uh, nope. He took a nap after dinner and when he got up he wanted to know which account he could use to go get cigarettes. I said, none of them. Use that $20 you got from mom to get them. He said it was for lunch. I told him we had no biz going to eat if that's all the money there is. Told him to use it for his cigarettes. We found out a carton of cigs cost 26 bux. Put together what cash we had and he got a carton and told him it has to last him until the 29th. Gives him a pack a day. Told him if he runs out before the 29th he's SOL until the 29th. We should maybe have his check by then. He's smoked over 100 bux THIS month alone.. I didn't realize he had been smoking so much until I crunched the numbers. I think mom woulda skinned you if you had used up that much for tobacco. You probably did when you were driving the truck, huh? 

Mom asked me if I was OK today. Oh yes, I'm fine. ROTFL! I don't know what I am. I'm blah.. I'm emotionless.. OK, not emotionless but numb. I watched this video of military ppl who surprised their families with their return and the caption said it would make you cry.. I felt nothing. I want to find a hole to crawl into and be left alone. I want to laugh and be the fun person I used to be. I don't even like my company right now. So, am I fine? No, I'm not fine but I will be OK. And if I talked to someone, what would that solve? They'd have my money and I'd still be miserable. So, yeah.. I'm fine. That's what I'm gonna tell you and whoever else asks, ok dad? (wink, wink) Makes me think of that song, Nobody Knows it but Me. The whole song doesn't fit but most of it does cuz I'm certainly not glad you went away. Ask God to play it for you. 

Boo got his ring today. Oh daddy! It's so kewl! We made a kewl looking ring.. you'd be impressed. It fits me and Shaun too. Rob said it was hard to write today with it on. I told him once he got used to it he wouldn't even feel it. But it is right nice. It's sitting on my table now. Not sure what his plans are for it. He said knowing how much it cost makes him nervous to wear it. Think I might be perturbed if he doesn't wear it, given how much it cost. Guess I'll go papa. I love you. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3