August 1, 2010

Hey papa. Sunday wasn't a fun day. Woke up too early for a Sunday after getting to bed again too late. I start my post about 11 and I'm up till after midnight working on it sometimes. When I start talking to you I don't wanna stop. Had a headache when I got up and my head and nose were stuffed. All day's been like that. Kechi jumped through the screen today! He was out on the rope and apparently didn't like being left out there and jumped through the screen. The one by the door. So I spent the next 30 minutes fixing it. We got a board to cover it after I replaced the screening. Thank you for teaching me how to do that. I was working on it and Shaun said, you do a damn good job babe. I said, thanx..my dad taught me how to do this. I always loved being your shadow when you'd work on something. I'm Ms. Fixit around here. Glad I know how but kind of annoys me sometimes. I think Shaun should know and not expect me to be the one who fixes everything around here. Sent him to Lowe's to find the board, while I was finishing the screening and he came back with nothing, then we went to Home Depot together and I walked right in and over to where they keep it and was there less than 5 minutes. Had told him to try HD but he doesn't like HD. 

We stopped by Judy's to drop off some water and it turned into a drama fest. She turned on the water works cuz Shaun got mad at her about her paying these ppl we know to do stuff for her and she pays us squat. She has done things for us, like give us the money to come to Kansas for you, but she's one of those ppl who do things for you and then holds it over your head that she did it for you. Shaun's back has been hurting and I've been useless myself the way I've been feeling and she asks for help but we don't jump as high and as fast as she wants so she gets these ppl to do cuz they are offered money. Tells us to do it when we get to it, well, don't tell us when we get to it if you want something done immediately. So irritating! She started spouting some BS about how she's been trying for 2 yrs to get the house the way Rob wants it so he can bring his friends over there to swim or hang out or whatever. Yeah, Whatever!!!

I don't know a whole lot today. I texted to mom for a few today. She was doing books. Said her leg is really swollen. I am worried about her papa. You are still giving her hugs aren't you?? I am hoping I've made the right decision by not moving up there. I know she wants me around but I'm not sure she needs me. Not that she needs me to do everything for her. That doesn't help her. She can do the stuff she needs done. I just think that's she my mom. I should be there but I also think that I need to be here for Rob and Shaun. Rob is almost grown and Shaun is and they can do things on their own for themselves but it's not the same as mom/wife doing it. Almost sounds like I'm trying to talk myself out of it, doesn't it? Maybe I am, maybe I need to convince myself that I may be wanted but I'm not needed there. There are days I feel like that no matter where I am. You know, you and I had that talk.
I'm going to go tomorrow and try to find a job. I don't even know where to begin looking but if I can find something else that I may enjoy more, I gotta give it a shot. What is wrong with me dad? Why can't I seem to find the job that is what I want for the rest of my life. Could be where I am, here in Georgia. Could be that I have no experience for the line of work I want to get in. Could be that no matter how I try to get the job, they just won't hire me and give me a chance. Yes please, Pity party, table for one. I sound pathetic. I miss you dad. Have I mentioned lately how much life sux?! Better get some sleep so I can go job hunt in the am. I love you papa. (forehead kiss) talk to you in a little bit. <3