Hey papa. My day was again icky. I am still hating being back to work. So hate it and don't give a lilly living hoo-ha about those stupid customers bills. Just pay 'em ppl!!
I'm thinking about going back to KS to be with mom. I just need to be, want to be, there with her a while. Even thinking about getting a job so yeah, I'd be there a while. I don't know papa. I am so darn confused. I've talked to so many of my friends and they've all said, except one, that I should be with my mom.. so I want to be with mom. I've talked to Shaun about it and to Boo. They both say that they don't want me to go but understand why I need to and want to. We've talked about when we'd see each other and how. Of course, grand ideas now. I just hope it works out. Mom doesn't want to disrupt my family but she is family too. I get that children are raised to leave home and go be on their own and do what they gotta but when things happen as they've happened don't we, shouldn't we, do our part to be there for our parents? I'd do it for you in a heart beat if things were different. I ultimately wish that you were here and we wouldn't have to even be doing any of this. You woulda called me and said, Mom fell at work and I'm taking her to the hospital and I will take care of her and tell you what's going on.. no, I don't know your exact words but I know she'd be ok with you. I know that Rich is there just 30 minutes away but for some reason she doesn't want to call him for help. She doesn't need taken care of but I do think that maybe, possibly her and I just need to be together a little while more. I feel outta place here. Still haven't found my rhythm or groove again being back and just am still so sad. I almost don't remember what happy feels like. Ppl have seen me at work and all have asked where I was. I've had to tell them what happened and all and it just makes me wanna run away. It depends on who it is that asks. Lanza, remember her, she asked where I'd been and I told her and she said, I met him, right? and I told her yeah and she said oh my god, i'm so sorry. He seemed like a real nice person. I said, he was.. :( and I sent an email to Roy Underhill the other day and he said he was so sorry to hear about your passing and hopes that we are continuing living life like you would have wanted us to. Oh papa.. how do we do that right now when the world is just so mixed up and confusing and painful? And passing. ugh. I know you are in Heaven watching over us down here but I could so use a hug from you right now.. if only.
Mom did a doozy on her knee. Its all purple and swollen. She said its hard to bend it but she is keeping it up and iced. She sent me pictures of it tonight. Oh man. Always said, go big or go home.. she went big papa.
I have things I'm worried about if I go to KS. Like Boo and school. I'm hoping he doesn't give Shaun a hard time about going and does his studies and listens to Shaun. And Shaun, that he takes his meds and does OK w/o me. Keeps the house clean and does the yard work. Have you talked to God about the cloning yet? It'd be mighty helpful papa. Boo got his schedule for this yr. He's not thrilled but says he can tolerate Art if he can't get the graphic arts class he wanted. I need to get to bed. I love you papa. (forehead kiss) talk to you in a little bit. <3
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