July 25, 2010

Hey papa. How are you tonight? What was your day like? Oh, how I would love to hear the responses to those questions! My day was, eh, a day. Did a whole lot of absolutely nothing. I slept in, yeah, me.. I know, I never sleep in! I know I should have gotten up and gone to church but we still haven't found a place that feels like home. Not a good excuse but it's the one I'm using. 
We went over to Judy's this morning for a few and just as we were getting to her corner we saw something running across the street. Not sure what it was but Shaun thinks it was a beaver. It's tail was bushy though, do beaver's have bushy tails?  We didn't stay too long over there. She started talking about things she wanted moved and he was ready to go. His back has been hurting him and he's not feeling good. Says he is depressed. Could be, I don't know..I don't even know if I'm depressed. I described how I've been feeling to one of my friends and they said I could be. I think I have a very good reason to be. 
I had my daily cry this morning when I got up. Stared at your picture and talked to you a little and started crying. I just want you back, need you back. Mom wants and needs you back too. I was talking to her tonight and she said she gets home after work and there's no one to talk to. Makes me sad for her. I told her to call me or the boys or Shaun or anyone. I know that's not the same as having someone there to greet you when you open the door at night. I felt the same way when Shaun and I were apart. I had Rob, but I couldn't have an adult conversation with him. The loneliness is going to be one of the hardest things (besides you being gone) that she will have to go through. That makes me sad for her. I wish she didn't have to be going through this. 
I have to go back to work tomorrow papa. Ugh! This time I can't chicken out. I have to stay. I have to get my shift bid in and get back in the flow of things. They told me to take all the time I need but not sure I want to chance the hospitality by not going back. I don't wanna go back but I do need the paycheck. 
I made a collage today. It's a group of pictures put all together. Pictures of you, mom, me, Snick but mainly you. Set it as my desktop background. Took me a while deciding how I wanted it put together. I made it 4 different ways. Sent 2 of them to mom. She set it as her background too. You are so very missed and were most definitely loved. 
I better get to bed. Tomorrow's gonna suck just like all my days have since the 17th. OK.. 
I love you papa. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3