November 25

Hey Papa.. just wanted to tell you Happy Thanksgiving. How I wish you were here. Finding things to be thankful for, I thought it would be hard this year but I am thankful that you were my father, my friend and my constant rock. I miss every thing about you dad. I miss you just not being here. I'm thankful for the friends I have and the relationships I have with all the ppl in my life. Mom always told me that God puts ppl in your life to help write the chapters of our lives. Some are just there for a few pages and some are there for volumes of your life book. I'm thankful that you were there to help write volumes and volumes of my life. I've always been so proud to be yours n mom's daughter, you two did a fine job raising us (especially me-lol!) and I'm so thankful for the relationship you, me and mom share/d. I'm thankful I have a job and for the stuff I have, like my house and car. For my son and for Shaun. 

Mom has been baking and has had my house smelling so good. Auntie taught her how to make pecan pie. I can't wait to try it. We are gonna have the traditional fare today. Wish you were here to share in the bounty. I am thankful that I know you are in Heaven and smiling down on us. What does God have planned for today? Do all the angels cook a huge meal for you all to share? That's another of those I wish you could call and tell me questions. 

dad's headstone..

Mom got a call from the funeral director. Your headstone is in. Dad, it's so nice. <<< See??  I want to be there when they place it but I can't be. Mom said she'd take pictures. Like mom said, it just kind of makes things final. Like a smack in the face. Like, yes this horrible thing really happened and you really are gone. How I hate reality. I want you here. Not there. The days and weeks keep going by and though I've healed some, a little, it's still a pretty deep seeping wound- losing you. I always wanted to be one of those ppl who in my 60's could say, I still have my parents and they are in their 90's. But reality and life had other plans for me I guess. A guy came in yesterday who was getting Krystal's for his 93 yr old mother. Sad she has no sense of good taste but thought it was sweet he was thinking of her.  You are still with me, in spirit, in my heart but it's just not the same. But yet, nothing is the same anymore or will be again. Gotta go get my bread started. Happy Thanksgiving. I love you dad. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3