September 26

Hey Papa. I'm really missing you today. Heck, I really miss you every day. Today I was on my way to work and it was dark and I was trying to change the CD and grabbed the CD I have with songs I put on it that remind me of you and mom. The first song was, Walked on Water by Randy Travis. I listened to it for a minute, then had to change it cuz I about started crying. I coulda just seen me get to work and tears running down my cheeks. I tried to change the music and grabbed another CD with songs I have on it that make me think of you and mama. 3 times it happened!! I think someone was trying to talk to me, weren't you?! I haven't forgotten about you dad, how could I? You mean so much to me. You were such a huge part of my life. I was just thinking it's Sunday night. We used to call each other on Sunday nights. How I'd love a phone call from you about now. Having a hard day today dad. Don't know why. I think I get a handle on things, on my emotions, than something makes me think of you and I start crying like a baby again. 

Mom went to the work meeting she has every year. That one in Wichita where you get your picture drawn. She said it was OK. I felt so bad for her yesterday cuz I know how much she wasn't looking forward to going and to having to explain where you were. She said that a few ppl asked and she told them and got hugs from some ppl. I can't imagine papa. She's a strong lady. She puts up a strong front. I know that inside though it took all she had to stay and how much she just wished you were there with her. Maybe you were, in some way. Have you been keeping an eye on her? Wrapping her in your arms and keeping her safe? She certainly needs it. She's been having a hard time lately. She puts on her happy face when she's around other ppl but when she's home again with just Snick, I think the silence is deafening. I've asked her to reach out to someone. Find someone to talk to if she can't talk to me. I've told her she can talk to me. I've given her the number for hospice so she can find a counselor. Not sure she will, so please daddy, watch over her. I don't think I could handle losing her too. Losing you has been a crushing blow, it's been the hardest thing I've ever, ever had to deal with. There's this song by Cinderella. One of those 80's hair bands I like.. anyway, it's called, "Don't know what you got (till it's gone)" and that's so true.. but with you, we knew what we had. We had an angel among us. You had the biggest heart dad. You were nice to everyone. I miss you daddy. Tomorrow, the grief support group starts. I don't know that I'll talk but I'm gonna go and give it a try. Think I'm gonna head to bed. I work at 6 again tomorrow. I went to bed last night and it seemed like I laid down, closed my eyes and the alarm was going off. Ugh. Made for a long day. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3