September 14

Hey papa. Just woke up from a nap and I had a dream about you. We were in the old house. I walked out of my room and you were in the living room. I couldn't believe you were there. You said, Hi kid! You were wearing your navy blue shirt and your overalls. You gave me big bear hugs. Lots of them. You told me how you missed me and I told you I thought I would never see you again. Asked you where you have been. I kept telling you I was too heavy for you to be picking me up when you hugged me but you said, it ain't nothing. You asked me where mama was and I said, work I guess. It was so real daddy. One of those dreams you don't wanna wake up from. But I had to wake up. If I sleep too long during the day, I can't sleep at night.

I talked to Bubby yesterday. He said he's OK. I think he's just OK. He sounded a little down through all the rest of what he said. He told me he hasn't been paid in over a month and all his bills are due. I feel bad for him cuz I'm in the same place. I wish I could help him like he's always helped me but I can't. I'm not even gonna be able to make my house payment this month. He told me he got fired the other day too. I guess he was asleep and you know how hard he sleeps. I guess they were trying to call him and he wasn't answering and it made the boss mad and he told him he was fired and to clean out the truck and bring it back to Arkansas. He went home and the next day he was getting ready to clean it out, they called him and told him he was rehired and had a load for him. Sounds like the company he works for is a POS. He has a new "friend". Met her online too. She lives in Australia. Australia papa! Don't get it. There are women in the US that he could date but Australia?? His biz, not mine. 

Mom went to the knee doctor today. She said all is going good. She returns in 4 weeks. Don't know all the details 'cept that. Mom seems to be OK. She is keeping busy. Taking her classes, doing books for everyone and working. I still worry about her and hope she will ask for help if she needs it. She's been spending time with Richard. I guess that's good. Just hope that it stays good. 

I've passed almost all of the WBT's I have to do for master cashier. Have just a few more to do. Work is going OK. Wish they would get their act together though. It was Monday before they had this week's schedule up and it should have been up on Thursday or Friday. Just ridiculous cuz ppl don't know until the last minute. I wasn't able to see Susan this week cuz I didn't know my schedule early enough to schedule an appointment. I guess I didn't have to see her but it's nice having someone to talk to about things. Helping me make sense of all my feelings. I don't know if I will go to the support group she's gonna have that starts in a couple weeks. Don't know if I wanna talk about how I've been feeling with other ppl I don't know. Don't know much else. Need to go start dinner. Thanks for being in my dream today and for the hugs. I sure wish it was real, real though. I miss you so much dad. I love you papa. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3