December 31

Hey papa.. Happy New Year have stuff to tell you but I'm at work so hold that thought. I love you so much dad! Miss you more than you know. Talk to you in a little bit. (forehead kiss)

December 26

Hey Papa.. been a minute since I've posted but never stop thinking about you. Got thru Christmas and for the first time in years I had a magnificently happy one. Joe really tried and his efforts were great. He got me a few things while we were out together and wrapped them and I was adequately surprised when I opened them. A pink fuzzy robe that is so pretty and comfy and I just love and some clothes to lounge about in... also super comfy. Joe and I spend a lot of our time relaxing.. it's actually quite a nice change from the life I left behind. I was always doing or going when I was there. I guess because I never felt comfortable to just do nothing. Ya know I keep an uber clean house, or shall I say, We keep an uber clean house. Joe is as much as a clean freak as me, if not more, really! He is so not Shaun in any way, shape or form. He is absolutely, positively amazing. I feel so incredibly blessed to have him. Thank God and you every day for sending him to me. Rescuing me from the un-existence I was living. Joe also proposed. Yep.. he wants to keep me. I, of course, said YES!  Dad, the ring is sooooo pretty. I knew that he was gonna get me one, I just didn't know when. I've found the one dad. The one that God made for me. Sad I spent so many years with the one I thought was the one but turned out to not be. I got a good kid outta the deal but that's about it. Joe is the one person that makes me happier than I've been in years, decades. He makes me laugh every day and makes me feel so loved. He tells me all the time that I'm beautiful and I almost believe him. Around him, I feel beautiful. He has such a beautiful spirit. Such a kind heart. We do just about everything together. People ask me, Don't you need time away from each other. Um, NO! He and I are attached at the hip. I don't know that I've ever had someone I love spending all of my time with.. except maybe you or mom.
So, how was Christmas in Heaven? I bet magnificent again. Every day is a holiday up there I bet. I guess mom had Christmas with Richard and his family. Mom's last Christmas in Kansas. Seems so weird to say that. Seems so weird she's leaving Kansas. I do wonder if you were still around if you'd be leaving Kansas in a month or if y'all woulda just stayed there. Brian said your shed is the same as empty. All of your things are gone or almost gone. That makes me sad. I know mom has to do what she's has to but still it's sad. I got to see Bubby the other day. The first time in like a year and 1/2. He looks old. Tired. He pushes too hard I think with his driving. Drives more miles than he should, legally. It was his birthday and he ended up giving me a bunch of really kewl stuff. He gave me a pair of these headphones. Dr. Dre Beats headset. Anyway, it's kewl. I have more to tell you but I need to go. Joe has a fix it job he's gotta do so I gotta get dressed and take him to Lowe's. I love you dad. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.

 

 

 

November 22

Happy Thanksgiving dad. Didn't have the regular turkey fare. We had Salisbury steak n mashed potatoes. I felt so bad that I couldn't make the traditional dinner for Joe but he was ok with what we had. It was just the being together that mattered to him. Me too. How was your day? I can only imagine the spread they have in Heaven. Money is stupid tight for us. We have like $6 bux left until we get paid. Have to take Joe to Dunlap Tuesday for his court date. He's done some work around the apts to make some money. Will take money off the rent which is good. Don't really know much today. Kinda bummed today. Just wanted to tell ya happy turkey day. I love you papa. (Forehead kiss) talk to ya in a little but.

November 18

Hey papa. My computer died on me so have to do this on my iPad. Anyway, I got my job back at Krystal. I got moved to a different one but so far it's not bad. The crew definitely needs direction but I'm up to the task. I asked this one kid working yesterday to do this n that...the stuff he needed to so he could leave and you'd think I asked him something major. He was not happy with me but I'm there to manage, not make friends. The crew have a habit of clocking out when their time is up without even asking if they can go. That is soooo gonna stop, especially when I have to take over the shift. Joe is supposed to get moved over there with me but idk when. Hopefully soon. I've been getting my crew outta there about 20 minutes after close but with Joe, heck, we may be outta there even sooner. Robin is my new boss. So far, I think she's ok. I hear she pays dirty though. Idk, I hope not. So over the drama that was at East Ridge. She tells me my closes have been great. I know that opinion may not last but I'll take the compliments for now.
Money is still crazy tight. I know it's my own fault. We're not gonna have a Thanksgiving dinner cuz we don't have the money. Joe says he understands but I know he's disappointed. Makes me feel so bad. We won't even have enough to pay bills next payday. Idk what we'll do but can only pay what we can pay. I just can pray that check gets issued soon. Mom said its in the judges hands now but hopefully he'll sign off on it like already and it gets sent out next week. Hey, a girl can dream... And pray! I never shoulda quit but I did. Just thankful I was given another chance. Now I just need to run with it and make the best of it.
Shaun is still being his Jekyll n Hyde self. Thursday Rob met with his new counselor and after he got back I guess he was upset so he went for a walk. I had called and asked to talk to Rob and Shaun said he was out walking. I went and found Robbie and we went and parked in a parking lot and talked. He said he misses his 'mommy' and doesn't understand why me and Shaun can't stop being so immature and get back together. He doesn't like Shaun's new cow girlfriend and daughter living there which I can understand. Rob said he didn't like her there and so S threatened to kick Rob out cuz of it. I think S needs to be thinking of Rob too, not just how he feels and his own selfish wants. We've told Rob countless times he's welcome to stay with us but he wants to stay at the house. Plus he doesn't like Joe. I keep telling him Joe is a good man but he doesn't like him cuz he took me away from him and Shaun. I guess I just don't get how at 18 he's not comprehending how things work out and acts like he's still 6 and thinks we'll be apart for a while but work things out and get back together. Sorry Rob, soooo not happening this time.
The divorce is Wednesday and I'm looking forward to it. Seems wrong almost to be looking forward to it but I'm finally there, to that point, that I'm so over it point. I just wish Rob was handling it better. He acts like me being happy is wrong. Shaun told him I abandoned him and he believes it. I wish Shaun could just be a dad and not this massive ass he's been as of late and poison Rob with his BS. Think that's all I know right now. Guess I'll go for now. I love you papa. (Forehead kiss). Talk to you later.

November 3

Hey papa.. Don't really have much to tell ya but I wish you were here. I need a daddy hug. Everything is OK.. just missing you. Still haven't found a job. Joe is still being supportive and telling me to hang in there and it's no big deal but it screams BIG DEAL to me. Hindsight is 20/20. If I hadn't let my temper get the best of me and say to heck with it I'd still be gainfully employed but I didn't and I did so here I am. I've always worked so not working.. having such a hard time finding work is hard for me. It's hard for me to sit still. I've checked about every avenue to find a job too. Just unbelievable it's so hard to find work this close to the holidays. Just have to stay positive even though it's hard to sometimes. I feel so guilty when I have to take Joe to work and I come back home and do next to nothing. He said he's had someone to take care of him for so long that it's nice to have someone to take care of. He is absolutely the best thing ever to happen to me.. besides being Rob's mom. I'm holding on to him tight. He is a jewel and I'm not gonna let him get away. He got a part time gig here at the apartments. The landlord called him today and asked him if he would be willing to do the maintenance around here because Jeter is in jail and probably will be for a while. He said absolutely. He's so handy so he's gonna do great. He's made our apartment so nice. Livable, homey, comfortable. Just having him here makes it a home. I'm sure if you were around you'd tell me I gush on so much about my Joe. Daddy, you woulda loved him. Oh, wanted to say thank you for putting the bug in God's ear about getting him sent to me. He has been nothing but a blessing since the day he walked into my life. Mom said you musta sent him cuz you knew I deserved better than Shaun. Funny how I lived so blindly for so many years thinking I was happy. No sir!! This is Happiness!!! 
I guess I have a piece of paper coming to sign that says I approve of the settlement and won't go back and try to get more. There isn't a monetary amount that could ever replace you and we all know this.. but what mom did get, what we'll get helps me to know that yeah, they admit their guy was at fault as we also all know. I don't know if the insurance company was for like all the ppl involved or just the truck company. It's sad to know that someone, especially someone as wonderful as you, had to lose their life before they cut the trees back on that corner. Maybe if they hadn't been there you'd still be here. But still the guy shouldn't have been on that road and shouldn't have been driving as fast as he was.. then try to say you hit him.. nay nay I say!! Nay Nay!! Some ppl have said that us kids don't deserve anything because we didn't suffer a loss like mom did and because we're adults. That we shouldn't accept anything and give it back to mom. I don't know, I wasn't expecting to get as much as we will but I feel I did suffer a loss.. I lost my father, my best friend, my house, 3 months of wages, my job. I couldn't function for a while there when we first lost you. To hear those words, "Mindy I'm so sorry you're dad was in an accident and got killed." It ripped my heart outta my chest. I know mom's loss was different but also the same. She lost her husband, her lover, her confidante, her best friend, her normality. She also suffered monetary loss losing your income but she was able to make herself go right back to work.. I don't know how cuz I sure couldn't. So hopefully, this settlement will help with some closure to that part for all of us but it will never take away the loss of you. You are always in my heart and my thoughts. I still feel you around when I'm doing things. When I smell diesel fuel I think of you and smile. When I see an older guy in overalls and a plaid long sleeve shirt, I see you. I have your pictures all over my apartment. Joe is OK with it, which even if he wasn't, he would be. He told me if you were around he'd thank you for me cuz w/o you there'd be no me. He is absolutely amazing dad. Guess I'll go. I love you daddy. I miss you so much. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.

October 25

Hey papa.. how y'all are?? Gosh I miss you. It's been 123 weeks since you left. There are still days I wish I could just call you, talk to you, listen to your stories about your day, tell you I love you one more time. I guess I'm doing OK. Just a little bummed right now. I quit my job on Friday and am having no luck finding a new job. My boss chewed me out in front of the other employees and I just felt it was way outta line. Kinda the straw that broke this camel's back. Being part of the mgmt team she shoulda pulled me aside and talked to me. I have a hard enough time with some of those idiots in there, didn't need her giving them more to laugh at me about. Plus I don't agree with a lot of the BS going on around there. Mgmt has no say, the inmates run the asylum as mom would say. She lets them do about anything they want and when you try to say anything to them they run to her and whine and then I get chewed out for trying to do my job. Just ridiculous BS. Almost considered crawling back to ask for my job, hell, any job but I don't need to be treated like that or deserve to be. Joe said he'd have been pissed if I had stayed. He has been so great about me quitting. Shaun woulda flat freaked out, he'd still be yelling at me about it. Joe said he wishes he made enough to take care of me and I could stay at home. I so appreciate the thought but I'd go crazy. It's only been a week but I feel so useless and worthless and feel so bad when he has to go to work and here I sit. I've filled out so many apps and no response yet. When I check on them I get we'll call you if we're interested or we're not hiring right now. So.. hmmm.. I don't know dad. I'll just keep trying I guess.
Mom had the mediation today. I don't know specifics but I guess it went OK. The insurance lady didn't show up but I guess things got settled. Mom said us kids will get something. I'm surprised. Pleased but surprised. I'd really much rather just have you. Wish that could have been an option. Have you come back and stay forever, really, really be immortal this time. I know mom wishes that could happen too. No amount of money could ever replace you. I don't know what I'll do with what I get. Keep it on the DL for sure. Try my best to hold onto it. I do have a few bills to get paid. But hold on to the majority of it. Brian said he's gonna buy a laptop. Nah.. I don't want anything like that. Don't really need anything frivolous. I'd like a new ring but I know in time, I'll get one. I hawked the one Shaun gave me. LOL, I know!!
Joe and I are doing good. He makes me so insanely happy. I know you woulda liked him. He takes very good care of your baby girl. I never knew it was possible to be as happy as I am with him. He makes me laugh, smile, feel good about myself, feel secure about the future and feel so loved and wanted. I just feel like I'm walking on clouds when I'm around him. Brings a smile to my face just thinking about him. Shaun never did that. He is such a good man and I don't know dad.. I just feel he's right where I'm supposed to be and where I wanna stay until the good Lord brings me home. He has been such a blessing to me. I was drawn to him and I think that was how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to meet him and am elated I did. (insert long, happy sigh here) :)
I don't know much else except I'm bored right now. My "friend" just msg'd me and asked me to come pick her up but I can't. Don't think I should even if I could. Found some stuff out about her that I didn't know and not sure I like that side of her. Rob has his evaluation next week. The first part of it. Guess it's in 4 parts. I am concerned they are gonna say he's bipolar and worried if he gets on social security he's gonna end up exactly like Shaun.. can't get him to do anything right now so don't see what good social security will do for him except help him pay for his meds he will probably need. He has zero motivation to do anything. So yeah.. apple didn't fall far from that tree which makes me sad cuz Rob is such a smart kid and has so much potential to do something great. When Shaun and I were talking about getting back together in 2004 he gave me the Rob needs me speech. The as he gets older he's gonna need me around speech.. uh, yeah.. we see how that turned out. If only I coulda met Joe years ago, who would Rob be now? I think if I had met Joe when I was 18 instead of Shaun my life would have been so different. Who knows how many kids we would have had.. glad though I just have Rob. Just thankful I met him at all cuz I've been nothing but happy since. Guess I'll go. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.

October 8

Hey papa... how are you this evening? I am doing OK. I got to see mom Thursday and Snickee too.. it was GREAT to see them both! I gave Snickers a bath, boy, he needed one. He was one dirty dog but so happy after his bath. :) Mom has let his hair grow some, like he was when you got him.. he looks cute. Mom said she was gonna take him to Carol when she got home. He needs his nails trimmed but with winter coming the longer coat may help him some to stay warm. Mom looks good too. I think she's doing better daddy. Never over it but through it. (you never get over it, but through it -- my grief counselor told me that) We may be at some conclusion to your case soon and that is a relief. Closure would be nice. Even if we end up with nothing, which I don't believe we will get nothing, it will be nice to just have to stop worrying and wondering what is going on with the case. Mom has pushed her retirement back from her birthday to the beginning of January cuz Chris has to have surgery again and she's needed at the store. Lately she's just been watching Netflix most of the day at work.. sounds rough, huh? LOL!! 
Snick seemed to really like Joe, so Joe passed the Snickee test and mom liked him too. She asked me why I couldn't have found Joe first... I know, right?! I think Joe is amazing. He's the bees knees!! Hehehe. Joe even liked mom, said she's like a mom. Observant, isn't he? He said she's seems really cool. He has no idea how cool my mom is. :) She took a picture of us when we went to eat, I love it. He never smiles in his pics and he's smiling in this one. He is wonderful. Mom said she noticed I didn't cry when she left this time. She thinks maybe cuz I have Joe, that I feel safe with him, and she can tell I'm happy. I'm so happy daddy. We are gonna go up to Illinois in November to lay a floor for her. I'm looking forward to that. A couple days away from here will be nice. Put down a big bowl of cat food and make sure the litter box is clean and they can get to water. No worrying about a dog or a kid or anything.. just being together. Together is what we like. When we have to leave each other we always say how much we hate being apart.. yep, must be love! And I hope that feeling lasts forever. 
Talked to Rob last night, he said that Shaun thinks I'm a gold digger. Excuse me while I laugh my butt off over that one. He thinks I'm going to take Rob's money if he should get on social security. Being Rob's rep payee. I don't want or need Rob's money. I told Rob his options of who he could get if he didn't want me and he said he's picking me and Shaun can stuff it. He also told me Shaun's new girlfriend is a mess. Said that one day every thing is good with them and the next she's "going off the chain" and doesn't talk to Shaun for a few days. LOL!!! I am so happy he's happy. (chuckle) He wanted me to meet him at the bank the other day to get his papers for the divorce notarized and I told him I wanted to read them first and he said he didn't have time for me to read them. I told him I wasn't signing anything until I got to read it. I met him over at his place and read them. Didn't sign anything, he came and took the papers from me and went back inside and shut the door. Needless to say, the papers didn't get notarized that day. I don't know when they will.. hopefully soon. My forever is pretty perfect and I'm just gonna go on with that for now. Soon as I have my 103.75 I will gladly give it to whomever to pay my 1/2 of filing and good riddance Mr. Evans. Hello, Mr. Burris, my happily ever after!! I need to go for now. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit!