November 3

Hey papa.. Don't really have much to tell ya but I wish you were here. I need a daddy hug. Everything is OK.. just missing you. Still haven't found a job. Joe is still being supportive and telling me to hang in there and it's no big deal but it screams BIG DEAL to me. Hindsight is 20/20. If I hadn't let my temper get the best of me and say to heck with it I'd still be gainfully employed but I didn't and I did so here I am. I've always worked so not working.. having such a hard time finding work is hard for me. It's hard for me to sit still. I've checked about every avenue to find a job too. Just unbelievable it's so hard to find work this close to the holidays. Just have to stay positive even though it's hard to sometimes. I feel so guilty when I have to take Joe to work and I come back home and do next to nothing. He said he's had someone to take care of him for so long that it's nice to have someone to take care of. He is absolutely the best thing ever to happen to me.. besides being Rob's mom. I'm holding on to him tight. He is a jewel and I'm not gonna let him get away. He got a part time gig here at the apartments. The landlord called him today and asked him if he would be willing to do the maintenance around here because Jeter is in jail and probably will be for a while. He said absolutely. He's so handy so he's gonna do great. He's made our apartment so nice. Livable, homey, comfortable. Just having him here makes it a home. I'm sure if you were around you'd tell me I gush on so much about my Joe. Daddy, you woulda loved him. Oh, wanted to say thank you for putting the bug in God's ear about getting him sent to me. He has been nothing but a blessing since the day he walked into my life. Mom said you musta sent him cuz you knew I deserved better than Shaun. Funny how I lived so blindly for so many years thinking I was happy. No sir!! This is Happiness!!! 
I guess I have a piece of paper coming to sign that says I approve of the settlement and won't go back and try to get more. There isn't a monetary amount that could ever replace you and we all know this.. but what mom did get, what we'll get helps me to know that yeah, they admit their guy was at fault as we also all know. I don't know if the insurance company was for like all the ppl involved or just the truck company. It's sad to know that someone, especially someone as wonderful as you, had to lose their life before they cut the trees back on that corner. Maybe if they hadn't been there you'd still be here. But still the guy shouldn't have been on that road and shouldn't have been driving as fast as he was.. then try to say you hit him.. nay nay I say!! Nay Nay!! Some ppl have said that us kids don't deserve anything because we didn't suffer a loss like mom did and because we're adults. That we shouldn't accept anything and give it back to mom. I don't know, I wasn't expecting to get as much as we will but I feel I did suffer a loss.. I lost my father, my best friend, my house, 3 months of wages, my job. I couldn't function for a while there when we first lost you. To hear those words, "Mindy I'm so sorry you're dad was in an accident and got killed." It ripped my heart outta my chest. I know mom's loss was different but also the same. She lost her husband, her lover, her confidante, her best friend, her normality. She also suffered monetary loss losing your income but she was able to make herself go right back to work.. I don't know how cuz I sure couldn't. So hopefully, this settlement will help with some closure to that part for all of us but it will never take away the loss of you. You are always in my heart and my thoughts. I still feel you around when I'm doing things. When I smell diesel fuel I think of you and smile. When I see an older guy in overalls and a plaid long sleeve shirt, I see you. I have your pictures all over my apartment. Joe is OK with it, which even if he wasn't, he would be. He told me if you were around he'd thank you for me cuz w/o you there'd be no me. He is absolutely amazing dad. Guess I'll go. I love you daddy. I miss you so much. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.