October 25

Hey papa.. how y'all are?? Gosh I miss you. It's been 123 weeks since you left. There are still days I wish I could just call you, talk to you, listen to your stories about your day, tell you I love you one more time. I guess I'm doing OK. Just a little bummed right now. I quit my job on Friday and am having no luck finding a new job. My boss chewed me out in front of the other employees and I just felt it was way outta line. Kinda the straw that broke this camel's back. Being part of the mgmt team she shoulda pulled me aside and talked to me. I have a hard enough time with some of those idiots in there, didn't need her giving them more to laugh at me about. Plus I don't agree with a lot of the BS going on around there. Mgmt has no say, the inmates run the asylum as mom would say. She lets them do about anything they want and when you try to say anything to them they run to her and whine and then I get chewed out for trying to do my job. Just ridiculous BS. Almost considered crawling back to ask for my job, hell, any job but I don't need to be treated like that or deserve to be. Joe said he'd have been pissed if I had stayed. He has been so great about me quitting. Shaun woulda flat freaked out, he'd still be yelling at me about it. Joe said he wishes he made enough to take care of me and I could stay at home. I so appreciate the thought but I'd go crazy. It's only been a week but I feel so useless and worthless and feel so bad when he has to go to work and here I sit. I've filled out so many apps and no response yet. When I check on them I get we'll call you if we're interested or we're not hiring right now. So.. hmmm.. I don't know dad. I'll just keep trying I guess.
Mom had the mediation today. I don't know specifics but I guess it went OK. The insurance lady didn't show up but I guess things got settled. Mom said us kids will get something. I'm surprised. Pleased but surprised. I'd really much rather just have you. Wish that could have been an option. Have you come back and stay forever, really, really be immortal this time. I know mom wishes that could happen too. No amount of money could ever replace you. I don't know what I'll do with what I get. Keep it on the DL for sure. Try my best to hold onto it. I do have a few bills to get paid. But hold on to the majority of it. Brian said he's gonna buy a laptop. Nah.. I don't want anything like that. Don't really need anything frivolous. I'd like a new ring but I know in time, I'll get one. I hawked the one Shaun gave me. LOL, I know!!
Joe and I are doing good. He makes me so insanely happy. I know you woulda liked him. He takes very good care of your baby girl. I never knew it was possible to be as happy as I am with him. He makes me laugh, smile, feel good about myself, feel secure about the future and feel so loved and wanted. I just feel like I'm walking on clouds when I'm around him. Brings a smile to my face just thinking about him. Shaun never did that. He is such a good man and I don't know dad.. I just feel he's right where I'm supposed to be and where I wanna stay until the good Lord brings me home. He has been such a blessing to me. I was drawn to him and I think that was how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to meet him and am elated I did. (insert long, happy sigh here) :)
I don't know much else except I'm bored right now. My "friend" just msg'd me and asked me to come pick her up but I can't. Don't think I should even if I could. Found some stuff out about her that I didn't know and not sure I like that side of her. Rob has his evaluation next week. The first part of it. Guess it's in 4 parts. I am concerned they are gonna say he's bipolar and worried if he gets on social security he's gonna end up exactly like Shaun.. can't get him to do anything right now so don't see what good social security will do for him except help him pay for his meds he will probably need. He has zero motivation to do anything. So yeah.. apple didn't fall far from that tree which makes me sad cuz Rob is such a smart kid and has so much potential to do something great. When Shaun and I were talking about getting back together in 2004 he gave me the Rob needs me speech. The as he gets older he's gonna need me around speech.. uh, yeah.. we see how that turned out. If only I coulda met Joe years ago, who would Rob be now? I think if I had met Joe when I was 18 instead of Shaun my life would have been so different. Who knows how many kids we would have had.. glad though I just have Rob. Just thankful I met him at all cuz I've been nothing but happy since. Guess I'll go. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.