Hey papa. Today was certainly a Monday. Had the district supervisor there and a manager trainee and them and my manager all telling us what we need to do. The district supervisor told me today that I'm doing a great job and that I have an excellent work ethic and I take good care of the customers but if I'm wanting to take the next step I have to bring my bubbly out. Ugh.. I have no bubbly in me!! I'm not a bubbly person. At least, I sure haven't been in a long time. I have to be someone I'm not to get the job I want, seems kinda crazy to me. I guess I need to work on it cuz I keep hearing it from employers. Meh.. just not in a bubbly mood but I need to find it cuz I HAVE to get the promotion to master cashier. Man, I'd be soooo upset if I got all the testing done and went to get certified and couldn't cuz I wasn't bubbly enough. Then before I left today, the DS asks me if our manager Ben had said anything inappropriate or in a sexual nature to me. I told him no. But did tell him about that incident a couple weeks ago. He made me write down what I told him and sign it. Upset me cuz I don't wanna be part of getting Ben in trouble, but I think he's done a pretty good job of that all on his own. As a person, Ben is OK but as a manager he sucks. He's never focused on what is going on. It's like he is physically there but not mentally.
Got home from work and Shaun was gone, he was at his mom's working on the pool. Getting it closed for the season. Whoop-tee-doo!! So I was here by myself. Just wanted to tell him about my day but he wasn't here. I had to go to group so didn't get to see him until I got back from it and he was in a grumpy mood cuz his back is hurting from working on the pool. Didn't ask me how my day was, give me a hug or nothing. Hurt my feelings cuz I hadn't seen him all day. I had to work at 6am so I had to leave early this morning and he was snoring when I left.
Tonight group was ok. Getting so, I dont know what about it, cuz I had to tell my story again cuz there was another new guy. I just said, I lost my dad on June 17 due to an auto accident. Didn't want to go into any more details then that. Seems like I'm just there filling a space in the room. 3 of the ladies talked all night. What happened to equal time? Not that I necessarily wanted to talk but I certainly don't wanna hear them tell the same thing they've told for the past 2 weeks, yet again. I know, bad attitude. Before we left she had us take these ceramic hearts that had words on them, out of a bag and turn them over so we couldn't see them until we all got one. We had to tell what our word was and use it somehow.. like, what the word meant to you. I got "trust." Makes me think, Trust.. that you are OK... that mama is going to be OK.. that God is gonna get us all through this.. that we will somehow, some day come out on the other side of this and laugh again and remember you with a smile and not tears. (that's gonna take a LONG time).. trust that we have friends and ppl to talk to when we are feeling sad, or just need to talk. We're supposed to take the word and hold it in our hearts this week and see how it works for us. Trust. So I will see how it works for me.
I probably better get to bed. Been up since 430. I'm tired papa bear. I miss you so much. I know I woulda called you today to tell you about my crappy day and you would've listened. Well, thanks for listening now. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit <3
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