September 24

Hey papa.. got my project done.. I hope u like it.. :) Still love n miss you tremendously!! Talk to you in a little bit. <3

 

September 23

Hey papa.. How y'all are? I'm doing OK. Things are slowly coming back around. No sir, we are still have money problems but hopefully I can figure things out and get on top of it. Have some money left after bills are paid and not spend it all before the next payday. We'd do great if a certain someone, he shall remain nameless but you know who I mean, would quit wanting to spend like the money pot is bottomless. I started a new project tonight. Hope to have it done by the end of the weekend. Will show it to ya as soon as I'm done. Then I'm gonna send it to mom. It will probably make her cry but hopefully it won't be all sad tears.
I've been sick this week. Have felt like I've been run over by a Mack truck.. no, I don't know what that feels like, but I can imagine. Spent my days off in bed or real close to the bathroom. Going to do a lot of the same tomorrow. Just not feeling like me. I have a nasty cold sore on my upper lip and my head is stuffy and my face is tingly. That last part I don't know why. I don't really know much. I just wanted to say HI and I love you so much papa. I'm gonna call it a day. I love you papa. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

September 3

Hey papa.. I have some good news! Finally!!! Something good to tell you! :) I FINALLY got my promotion! She came on Thursday. We were pretty busy and I was in the lobby wiping off tables and she came in. I knew it was her because I used to work with her at Convergys. I hurried up front and said my usual greeting and I noticed she just had her purse. Big gulp.. I think to myself.. oh crap, she's not going to certify me today?! OK.. gather yourself.. greet, take order, suggestive sell, get money, take order out, smile.. ok smile! Pretend you know what you are doing, take control of the situation and do your thing girl. Maybe this is just the "testing" phase. It was time to shine dad and I did it. She finished eating and went out to her car and gets something, her notebook. She comes back in and sits back down, watching me the whole time. I talked to her a little, her never saying she was there to certify me but we knew she had to be. I continue taking care of my customers, doing my thing and then my boss takes her out my file for her to go through. She tells me that one of the other girls was going to take over so I could go talk to her. What?! Talk to her? Why?! This certification was going in a total different way then the last one did. Last time the guy just came in, introduced himself and got on with it, was there maybe 15 minutes and I was certified.. she was there like almost an hour. She went over all the ways I can get demoted and made sure I understood. She asked me why I wanted to be a master cashier and I told her. She finished by looking in my cash drawer to see how I had it laid out. If my bills were all facing the same direction and if I had any 20s in my drawer, which isn't allowed. She put my smiley face pin on my lapel and congratulated me and then showed me how much my raise will be.. woot woot!!.. which I already knew and asked for my shirt size and that was that. I did it dad!! SO happy.. finally!! Finally some good news for us. Just hope now things keep getting good. I know you would tell me you are proud of me. Thanks dad... thanks for instilling in me the drive to keep going even when I wanted to give up. You and mom taught me so much about when you get a job, keep it, no matter how awful it may be somedays.. keep going and maybe someday you will be rewarded for all the hard work.. well, my day finally came.. :) Onward and upward!! I love you papa. Miss you so much. Talk to you in a little bit. <3 

August 31

Hey Papa... don't have much to tell you today.. was thinking of you today. I found this song on YouTube. You never really left me. I was so blessed to have you in my life and yes sir, I know I'll See you Again!!  The waiting is the hardest part.

That's all today. I love you papa. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

August 27

Hey Papa.. I don't really know much.. still haven't got my promotion. Getting quite frustrated about it. The new district supervisor tells me he "has my back" and "is a man of his word" and is going to make sure it happens. I just say.. yeah right. Mom says believe it and I will achieve it. I wish it was that easy. We are struggling so bad daddy. To say we are living from paycheck to paycheck would be a joke. We get paid and we have so many bills and then we have to get food and have money for gas and stuff.. there is no money. We have 15 bux until Shaun gets paid. We applied for food stamps but from what I've been told by other ppl we most likely will be denied because Shaun was apparently "medically retired" by Social Security. We thought he was getting SSI.. cuz he's disabled but the lady at the hospital asked me if Shaun gets Medicaid and I said, no he has Medicare. She told me if he doesn't have a Medicaid card to carry with his Medicare card then he is on social security and not ssi. Which, long story shortened.. means that we will get denied cuz he is on SS and not SSI. They count SS as income but don't count SSI as income. So, idk what we are gonna do. We got some food from a church the other day. My friend Charlene told me about this church and I called the lady and she gave us quite a bit. So we have plenty of can goods now. Just seems I've been struggling since you left. Come back, would ya?! I know you would if you could. Came across some old pics of you the other day and also this....

Think I will leave this post at that.. You are so very missed.. wish I could call you and hear you give me some sage advice on what to do with this joke of an existence of mine. I'm hanging in there, but feel like I'm slipping a little more everyday. I love you dad. So much. Miss you too... Talk to you in a little bit <3

August 15

Happy Flippin' Birthday to me. Dad, I quit. I'm officially calling my birthday off from next year on. Why do I do this to myself every year.. thinking my birthday is going to be something and it turns into nothing every stinking year. Shaun says every year he's going to do something and every year, epic fail. He has all these plans in his head and then that's where they stay, in his damn head. He went and cleaned a carpet for his mom to make some money for him to get me something and he writes me a note that says he wasn't sure what to get and gives me the money. OK, so I have the money, but he fails to remember that we have bills to pay and things we need..like gas for our cars, tobacco so he can roll cigarettes, Rob needs a new backpack and shoes for school. So, what am I to spend the money on? The mom in me says take care of Rob or get gas for the car. We went to the store to get something for dinner and we got a whole cart of stuff thinking we had enough money and we get to the register and didn't have enough so we had to put it all back. How embarrassing. I'm really loving my life dad. Was hoping today would be the day for me to come see you but unfortunately not. To enter and leave the world on the same date ever how many years apart, might be kinda nice. I got a nice card from mom with some money in it. I hid the money away cuz I don't want Shaun to know about it. I'm going to use it for gas or maybe something for me later. I didn't get anything else. I don't know dad.. I guess I would just like pomp and circumstance just one year.. a big to do.. a present to unwrap, flowers, balloons.. him just knowing what I like to eat and getting it and to feel special.. if just for a day. I just feel like it's Monday. I worked all day, came home to a dirty kitchen, a litter box to scoop out, a griping teenager and Shaun doing what he can to make me happy but none of it working. I know he loves me, but that's not the point... its my birthday and it just feels like Monday. It should feel like a birthday. I'm listening to him snore now. What fun. Awesome day. I'm gonna go.. I feel worthless. I miss you just awful daddy.. I love you. Talk to you in a little bit <3

August 9

Hey papa.. Been a while since we've talked like this. I've been doing. That's about it. Not good, not great. Have had so many days I just wanna talk to you.. for real, hear your voice and hear you tell me everything is gonna be OK and how much you love me. I'm still not certified. Getting very discouraged, thinking it's not gonna happen. All my boss says is she's done all she can do and all we can do is wait and be ready. Dang sick of waiting. I go to work on Thursdays and Fridays in a good mood and play nice and do all I'm supposed to and the lady doesn't come. So what do I do dad? I wanna just give up. Quit and go find something else but I can't cuz we are struggling so bad trying to keep our heads above water and the waves keep lapping at us and trying to drag us under so getting another job wouldn't be good right now. I need that lady to come so badly. Talk to God for me and see what can be done to make this happen. 

I wish you were around for mom. She really needs you. I worry so much about her. Talked to her last week and she was so sad but this past Sunday we talked and she was in a better mood. I don't know if she is better or it was just a better day. Got an email from Aunt Norma today. She told me what's been going on in Illinois and how she's looking forward to seeing mom in October. She also told me happy early birthday. Next Monday is my birthday. Not even looking forward to it. Never look forward to it anymore cuz it means nothing to anyone. I know that my birthday isn't a national holiday but one year I would like to feel like it is.. at least to the ppl in my bubble. I have to work on Monday. I have a little money left outta my check but come next week it will probably be gone. The best gift I could possibly get is you. The other day I was trying to print out a picture of you for a small picture frame I have and the printer wasn't working so I cancelled it, turned off my computer and the next day I turned on the computer and before the computer got booted up it the printer spit out the picture. It was kinda freaky. Felt kinda like you were trying to tell me something. I don't know much else.. except life is sucking right now. Wish you were here. I love you. Talk to you in a little bit. <3