August 15

Happy Flippin' Birthday to me. Dad, I quit. I'm officially calling my birthday off from next year on. Why do I do this to myself every year.. thinking my birthday is going to be something and it turns into nothing every stinking year. Shaun says every year he's going to do something and every year, epic fail. He has all these plans in his head and then that's where they stay, in his damn head. He went and cleaned a carpet for his mom to make some money for him to get me something and he writes me a note that says he wasn't sure what to get and gives me the money. OK, so I have the money, but he fails to remember that we have bills to pay and things we need..like gas for our cars, tobacco so he can roll cigarettes, Rob needs a new backpack and shoes for school. So, what am I to spend the money on? The mom in me says take care of Rob or get gas for the car. We went to the store to get something for dinner and we got a whole cart of stuff thinking we had enough money and we get to the register and didn't have enough so we had to put it all back. How embarrassing. I'm really loving my life dad. Was hoping today would be the day for me to come see you but unfortunately not. To enter and leave the world on the same date ever how many years apart, might be kinda nice. I got a nice card from mom with some money in it. I hid the money away cuz I don't want Shaun to know about it. I'm going to use it for gas or maybe something for me later. I didn't get anything else. I don't know dad.. I guess I would just like pomp and circumstance just one year.. a big to do.. a present to unwrap, flowers, balloons.. him just knowing what I like to eat and getting it and to feel special.. if just for a day. I just feel like it's Monday. I worked all day, came home to a dirty kitchen, a litter box to scoop out, a griping teenager and Shaun doing what he can to make me happy but none of it working. I know he loves me, but that's not the point... its my birthday and it just feels like Monday. It should feel like a birthday. I'm listening to him snore now. What fun. Awesome day. I'm gonna go.. I feel worthless. I miss you just awful daddy.. I love you. Talk to you in a little bit <3