August 9

Hey papa.. Been a while since we've talked like this. I've been doing. That's about it. Not good, not great. Have had so many days I just wanna talk to you.. for real, hear your voice and hear you tell me everything is gonna be OK and how much you love me. I'm still not certified. Getting very discouraged, thinking it's not gonna happen. All my boss says is she's done all she can do and all we can do is wait and be ready. Dang sick of waiting. I go to work on Thursdays and Fridays in a good mood and play nice and do all I'm supposed to and the lady doesn't come. So what do I do dad? I wanna just give up. Quit and go find something else but I can't cuz we are struggling so bad trying to keep our heads above water and the waves keep lapping at us and trying to drag us under so getting another job wouldn't be good right now. I need that lady to come so badly. Talk to God for me and see what can be done to make this happen. 

I wish you were around for mom. She really needs you. I worry so much about her. Talked to her last week and she was so sad but this past Sunday we talked and she was in a better mood. I don't know if she is better or it was just a better day. Got an email from Aunt Norma today. She told me what's been going on in Illinois and how she's looking forward to seeing mom in October. She also told me happy early birthday. Next Monday is my birthday. Not even looking forward to it. Never look forward to it anymore cuz it means nothing to anyone. I know that my birthday isn't a national holiday but one year I would like to feel like it is.. at least to the ppl in my bubble. I have to work on Monday. I have a little money left outta my check but come next week it will probably be gone. The best gift I could possibly get is you. The other day I was trying to print out a picture of you for a small picture frame I have and the printer wasn't working so I cancelled it, turned off my computer and the next day I turned on the computer and before the computer got booted up it the printer spit out the picture. It was kinda freaky. Felt kinda like you were trying to tell me something. I don't know much else.. except life is sucking right now. Wish you were here. I love you. Talk to you in a little bit. <3