June 17

Hey papa.. Happy Father's Day. It's hard to even say that, ya know. I went to the store the other day and was gonna get Shaun a card for Father's Day but couldn't do it. I saw the To Dad cards and about started to cry right there. I guess I'll just make him one. He deserves a Minmark I suppose. He's not here today anyway. He's with his mom. I hope he's having a good time. Haven't bought a Father's Day card since 2010. Might not ever buy another. All those memories rush back, you had the post office card in your truck so you could pick up the package, probably that day. Still don't understand why things had to happen the way they did. Maybe I never will. No child ever wants to lose a parent and God knows I sure wasn't ready. We had a deal, didn't we?? You were supposed to be immortal and never leave. At least I always thought you were. Heartbroken to find out you weren't. OK. So what have I learned since you left. I've learned that nothing last forever. That I have to go on and try to make it day to day, so far I have. I'm slowly making progress. Doing a lot better than I was 17548 hours ago. I know, who's counting. I've learned to cherish the little things and not hold on to anger or petty crap. It's not worth it. To tell the ppl I love that I love them. Often. I remember when I was a kid and you would be getting ready to leave for work and I would say, I love you. You would say, You better! At the time, it broke my heart and I couldn't understand why you just wouldn't say I love you back. Growing up I got to understand what your growing up life was like and that grandma was never really lovey dovey so I understood.. then something happened and every time I'd say it, you'd say, I love you too baby girl. Made my heart smile. I hold that last phone call we had in my head and heart. Hold on to it tight. Last thing we said to each other was I love you. That really makes my heart smile. So daddy. Have a wonderful day. Hope you are have the most relaxing day and you are doing exactly what you want and catch a big ol' catfish! Happy Father's Day!! I love you papa.. (Forehead Kiss!!) Talk to you in a little bit. <3