June 16

Hey papa.. Good morning. How are you today? Your early riser is here to give you the update of yesterday and my thoughts of you for the day.  This morning, I woke up thinking, 2 yrs ago I was laying in bed not believing and dreading the events of the day. That I would in just a few short hours be telling you goodbye forever. We went to the funeral home to see you one last time. They had straightened your nose and your face wasn't as swollen as it had been the day before. How I just wanted to crawl inside that casket and go with you. I kissed your forehead for the last time and you were so cold and had a bit too much makeup on. I got it on my lips and wasn't sure I wanted to wipe it off or not. I didn't want that casket to close. I wanted to stay with you forever. I wanted you to wake up, get up and go with me and get out of there. I know you couldn't but I know if you could've, Oh glorious day that woulda been. When we went to the graveyard there were so many ppl there. I was amazed how many. I'm sure you were sitting on your cloud looking down thinking the same thing. Thinking, I don't know that many ppl. Daddy, you were more loved and respected then you ever knew. That graveyard was so full. I guess ppl were asking if there was more than one funeral there today but someone told them, no, its for Bob Wood. The receiving line or whatever it's called was forever long of ppl hugging us and telling us how sorry they were. Mom knew most, if not all of them. Some she didn't. That day was like a blur. I remember sitting just a few short inches from the casket and still not believing that you were inside. That anytime now, anytime now.. you'd knock and say ok.. jigs up..let me out, I'm ready to go. After it was over, I wanted to stay until you were lowered safely in the ground, hell, I wanted to get inside and let them throw dirt on top of me, but I remember Richard putting me in the car and making me go. He told me I didn't want that memory. Yes I did. We played this for you.. one of your favorites...

I think, You are up there now with him. One of your favorite musicians. How kewl that must be. 

Yesterday I didn't do much. I did my ironing, Melanie came back after she got off work with her daughter. She's having issues with her boyfriend. She was here to avoid them rather than go home and deal with them. I guess it was OK she was here. Her daughter swam and we made macaroni and cheese. Just kinda hung out for a little while, then I took her back to her mom's. Went to bed late cuz I was a bit freaked about going. This house is too quiet w/o someone here. I talked to Rob for a few minutes, then hung up on him cuz I was, I don't know.. don't wanna say disappointed.. but in a way I am. He's 18 now and still has no desire to do anything. That is not gonna fly, no sir! I know he wanted some R n R from school and I understand that. He's always so negative and that drives me bonkers. He says he has nothing to do and that he's afraid to play his M games. He doesn't want to offend or upset mom if he plays them. I told him he could play them all day when she is at work. He said, I guess so but it still makes me uncomfortable. Good, that means that he respects her and knows he probably shouldn't be playing them in the first place. But to sit around doing nothing? I suggested he maybe go for a walk with Snick, he says Snick doesn't like him. I'm sure that Snick does, he just doesn't understand why someone is sleeping in his bed and not paying attention to him. Snick is like the centerpiece when I'm there. I'm just crazy about that furry little person. I don't understand Rob sometimes. He can do nothing, mope around and feel sorry for himself but I guarantee he will have a job when he comes home. He can't get a job while he's there cuz the voc rehab lady won't help us when he comes back if he does. If he got a job, he is saying he doesn't need their help to get a job and he does. They are also gonna help him learn to drive, if that's what he wants and help us with the college process. We talked about him learning to drive while he is there and he said he's still scared. That's fine. I was thinking he could maybe take a couple classes and have a PT job when he gets back. Just something.  He doesn't know yet but he is gonna start paying us like $100 a month when he gets that job. Help him understand real life has bills and how life really works. But for now, he can have his summer. Have his time doing nothing. Chill out with mom and hopefully he's soaking up every minute he has with her and locking them away in his cherished memories file and hopefully she is doing the same. Every time I saw you I was scared it was the last time, then my greatest fear came true and it was. I cherish every minute, every moment I got to be with you, every moment we got to talk or just hang out. When we'd go for breakfast was my absolute favorite cuz that was our time. Mom was never much of a breakfast person but I also kinda think she knew how special that time was that she just let me have it. Mom, I know you are reading this.. so thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for letting me have those moments with daddy. I don't know much else. Guess I'll go for now. I love you dad. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3