March 18

Hey papa. Need to talk to ya about something that's been bugging me. Do you know about the paper mom had the lawyer drawn up for us kids to sign that says we won't take any of the money we all might get for the case against the guy who hit you and took you away from us? Well, that's what it is.  She wants to control how much we get, not let the court decide. I agreed to sign it if she will give me some money to get back on my feet. She says she will. But she is really worried about her future and the unknown and that's understandable. So am I.  I was talking to my friend Beth from back home and she brought up the question, what about my future? That if the court decides that us kids, your heirs, get a reasonable slice of the pie that we need to consider keeping it. Rob may need money for college or one of us might need to go to the dr for something major, life's unknowns. She said that we shouldn't think of it as the reason we're getting money because we were affected financially from losing you.. (I beg to differ cuz in a way, I was. I didn't work for 3 months. I lost 3 months of pay, but anyway)..because that's not why heirs get money from cases like these but because we, as your children, lost you too soon and in such a horrific way. To think of it as a gift from you and not the courts. I know that mom will get and deserves to get the biggest slice of it but all of it?? Not that money could ever replace you, ever. I know that mom needs the money though for her retirement and the "right" thing to do according to Gene White and some of mom's friends is we should sign over our rights to it. I agreed to sign it cuz I don't know daddy. I worry about her and I don't want her to worry about money. I want her to be able to enjoy her retirement. I'm not gonna lie, yeah dad.. I'd really like see what happens before we sign it but I also wanna get it signed cuz I want her to quit freaking out about it. I told her the other night, after Brian said he would sign it then changed his mind after she got it.. that she can't control everything. To let God handle this one. Trust that He is gonna see that the best thing happens. I don't think she liked that answer. She said, Fine, no one needs to sign it, I have another plan (and she won't tell me what it is). In my head it made me think Really?  Sounds like she's saying.. I'll get all the money one way or another. But I don't know dad. Maybe that's not how it was meant to come off but mom gets real fired up about this topic. None of us know what's going to happen when this gets the end of it. Like mom said, we might get nothing but naw.. there is definitely "something" on the table.. just gonna take time and work to see how big that something is gonna be.  Yeah, if she is only awarded an amount I know that she's gonna hyperventilate and have a panic attack because it's so small (to her) that she couldn't even pay one of her debts off, then yeah, I'd give her part of what the court awards us (but I don't think us kids are going to get that much) but if it's a lot.. I mean, a lot.. first of all dad, I don't need a lot. I've never had "any" so a lot, I don't know what I'd do. I'd be pretty darn excited that I had a lot but I know that mom wants the money so she can live comfortably. I just wanna get back on my feet. I don't even know if I remember the meaning of living comfortably. A few months rent and money to get bills pd in the bank would be real nice if something should happen that I can't work cuz God knows Shaun ain't gonna get and keep a job. Help mama to understand that God has this under control and to not worry about it. To just put a little more faith in Him and the system..even though the system takes too dang long. I know God and you aren't gonna let her go without. So, that's what's been stewing in my head. I wanna say this to her but I know it would probably upset her cuz she is so worried about how much she's gonna get and how much we might get. She just needs to put it in God's hands. The whole stinking mess. Wish the courts would give us the choice of having you back or the stupid money. I'd take you in a heart beat.. less than a heart beat. I miss you and your hugs and your advice and your laugh. Hanging out with you. Every thing to be honest.
I think Snick still misses you too. He's put on some weight and he's been having this panting thing and he not even been doing anything when it happens. As soon as mother nature can decide which stinking season she wants to have and it warms up he and I are gonna get out there and pound the pavement and lose some weight, the both of us.   
I wish that August would get here so I could get back to Shaun n Rob. I've been gone a month and all hell has broken loose. Shaun seems to be falling apart piece by piece. Don't know if it's intentional or just what's happening. Part of it he can control if he just takes those stupid meds. I guess you musta kicked him last night cuz he said he took them last night. Keep kicking him dad. I guess I'm going to go to Georgia for a few days. Looking forward to seeing Rob and Shaun but not Judy. Shaun said she was a grouch from the word go this AM and they got in a yelling match about everything. Me coming, them maybe going to FL in April, the dog.. about anything. He told her to shut up and walked away from her.. I guess this morning Judy said some snide ass remark, when he asked her if it was OK that I stay there a couple days, about she thought her house wasn't good enough for me. It's not her house I have the problem with, it's her. I got things to do. Better get to 'em. Gonna leave early in the morning since I'll be driving all day. Go with me, OK?? We'll be leaving before sunrise..so boots and saddles papa. I love you papa. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit <3