April 20

I miss you like crazy. Some days are better than others, this is an other. Work isn't going OK. I'm hating my job n hate that I feel like that. This was to be the job to end all jobs. I was so excited to start working there. The thrill is gone. My boss sucks. I got put on 11-830s n yes, I was mad but I've since gotten over it cuz it's not changing n I'm closing with Daniel so it is what it is. But I made mention of some things I noticed as a deli lead that need attention n told Tim about them n it got flipped back on me n I got blamed n told it was because of my attitude and to figure it out. So he doesn't want to help me and the other deli leads aren't helping so I figured it out n just do the things myself. One mainly being the dang dishes. If we don't keep up on them thru the day at night there are so many you're doing dishes for hours n no one but me, Daniel n sometimes Kaitlyn do the dishes. I told Tim that needed to change n he tells me he's not a babysitter n wasn't going to help change it. When you're getting no help from the boss what do you do, go over the boss's head, which I have. I talked to Carol the other night n told her of my plight n she told me she emailed Bill, THE boss n told him what's up n I'm to get with him n see what can be done. I told her I wanted to be transferred to another department within the store or transferred to another store. She doesn't want to lose me, said it'd be a mistake if Tim let me go. We know this, right? But daddy I just can't stay there, not with Tim. Not with Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn is Tim's little pet, she chases after him like a little puppy. And the way she talks to ppl. Ugh. She makes my blood boil. I think ima go talk to the lady in charge at mission ridge store, it's about 10 minutes from here. That's the store I'd prefer to be transferred to. Idk if I can, idk if I should go over there but ima go. Joe mainly just wants me happy but I'm not feeling very supported. He says that with every job comes BS which I know but when you reach out to the boss n he snarks back, figure it out n it's because of my attitude, that's more BS than one should have to deal with. I don't wanna lose my full time n benefits but almost to the point idc if I do. Entertained the notion of going back to fast food, God help me, but I guess it's the structure n I guess, the organization of it. You know at what times you'll be busy, usually. You know at what time you need this or that done, if you get a good team it's like a well oiled machine n things just run smoothly. Not so chaotic n unorganized like it is in the deli. I could really use one of your big hugs about now. You've been in my dreams lately n idk why. It's like every night you've been there for the past few nights. You talk to me or we're walking some place...but we never get there or get to finish our conversation cuz you have to go n I wake up in tears. I miss you papa. So much. Guess I'll go. I love you daddy. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. XOXO. 

April 3

  Hi daddy!! It's been a while I know. Life is going good for your baby girl. Work is going OK. My boss had a meltdown a few weeks ago and I thought I had blown it but he had his fit, I had mine and we're past it. I'm on closes this week and it sucks. I'm not a closer. I'm a up with the sun opener type person. I told him too. Told him I rather hated my schedule this week. He agreed. Said it was the store manager who did the schedule. Uh huh, likely story.
   Mom was here last week. I was so glad too. Just to come home and have her sitting there was a good thing. Didn't really do much cuz we had to work but just being together was fun.  She brought Snick with her. She was convinced he was gonna come home to you while she was here cuz he was really tired and looked pathetic. Poor guy was apparently constipated. Joe took him outside and he was finally able to do the deed and was a much happier camper after that. I do think it's about his time though. Which makes me so sad cuz he's like the last thing we have besides our memories that keeps us connected to you. Joe doesn't understand how very special Snick is to me, to us. Mom saw some real pretty hearts that you can put ashes in that I think she might get so when it is time, she's going to have him cremated and put some in each of them and then the rest she'll spread on your apartment so you two can always be together.. but y'all will always be together anyway I know. Mom looks good. I think she's lost enough weight. I think she was fine the way she was before too. But she's happy and that's all that matters. I still worry about her. You know those feelings I would get when you'd come or I'd come there and then cry like a baby about leaving cuz I was scared it'd be the last time we saw each other... kinda felt that way this last time when she left.. I teared up when she pulled away cuz you never know when God is gonna be ready for you. Hopefully though it's gonna be a long, long time. I always was so happy for this older lady I used to work with at the bus barn who was in her 70s and still had both of her parents around. I thought that was hella-kewl.
  Things with Joe are still great. He makes me so happy. Our 2nd anniversary is in about 3 weeks. Best I Definitely Do I ever said. :) I wish you coulda known him and he you. You'd have loved him I'm sure. I don't know much more. I miss you daddy. If only for one more day... I'd never have let you go to the preacher's house that day.. driven the way you went.. something. But mom says, it was His plan and I suppose it was. When it's our time, it's time no matter what we do to avoid it. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. 

January 22

Hi daddy. Everything is going splendidly. I got a promotion at work. Full time. 40 hrs a week. And benefits. Woot woot! So excited. My boss told me that he hopes to have me ready to take over my own deli in 6 months. Means I have to leave where I'm at but guess I have to to grow. I'm really really liking working at Bilo. I just don't know if I'll like wherever I'm transferred to. Bridge to cross when I get there. I don't really know much. Joe n I are great. Crazy in love with him I am. I miss you. I love you. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. XOXO. 

January 9

It's officially January 10 now in my world but in yours it's still the 9th. Happy birthday daddy! I've so much to tell you but I gotta go for now. Bbiaw. Love you. 

January 1 2015

HAPPY NEW YEAR DADDY!! It's 2015. Last night we had a little party, just a few ppl from Joe's work. At first I wasn't excited but I ended up having fun. I had too much to drink but I was safe here in my home. Don't know a whole lot. Hope for a lot to happen in the good this year. We'll see. Joe n I are great n I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm good daddy. I love you and miss you so. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. 

Our last conversation was a good one. But I'd have only wished it had lasted longer. XO-Clyde

December 20

Hi daddy. Christmas is almost here. Me n Joe aren't celebrating. Haven't even decorated. I have to say, it's actually been quite nice not freaking about getting the perfect gift. After the holidays we're going to go shopping. Get what we want so no disappointments. Mom is having a hard time she said this year. Idk why. She really misses you, as do I. Time seems to be flying by. This next June it'll be 5 years. Wow daddy. I wanted you to stay forever. You were supposed to be invincible. Guess the good Lord had other plans. I hope you're doing something really great up there.

I don't know much. Mom was here for thanksgiving and that was nice. It was a really nice visit, really nice having her here. We went to some quilt stores, no exploding heads. Got some ideas for the quilt I'm making for Joe. Found a pattern I liked and luckily he liked it too. I followed the instructions, measured n remeasured and when I laid it out I'm off in a few places. Joe thinks it's a pattern error n not me. Good answer, huh? Yes, you definitely would have loved him. I think the quilt has too much orange in it but Joe likes it. I suggested we add some white but he doesn't want any. Mom got sick on turkey day. I felt bad cuz I didn't know what she needed. She spent the whole day in her room. Joe was watching football but also cuz she was sick. I almost called auntie cuz I was so worried about her. 

Work is going ok. We're super busy right now cuz of the holidays but this too shall pass. So many party trays to do, our hot line is pretty popular which at times can get aggravating. But I enjoy the job. Some parts more than others. I got to work in the bakery for a little while today. I like working over there. :) it's much more relaxed, not as busy as the deli part. It was an easy day. Joe is wanting to find a new job. Out of the food industry. Can't say I blame him. He went to this place that installs spray foam insulation. Filled out an application but he doubts he'll hear anything. Feel bad for him cuz Joe is such a hard worker, and wants to do well for both of us but he just can't seem to get a chance anywhere besides fast food. I think he's doing fine. He provides for us, bills are paid n we got food to eat so I think we're good. :) 

I went to the dentist a couple weeks ago cuz my tooth was hurting me. They took full X-rays n recommend that I get all my top teeth pulled n get a full top denture n a bottom partial. For $6000, yeah, only 6K. Uh huh, not much... I don't even think so daddy. At 42, I do not wish to have my teeth gone n become gumby. Heck to the no. Especially to the tune of $6000!! I went over the invoice of what they plan to do last night and there's double charges on there, a charge for an expensive toothbrush I don't want or need, charges for procedures I think are unnecessary or could wait. I whittled it down almost $2000. I'm going to get a copy of my X-rays n get a 2nd opinion. The tooth that was hurting has stopped hurting me. I've been looking at other options if I must get them pulled. Dental implants...and they too are a no. They put a titanium screw in your jawbone that...wait...stop there...the thought of that makes my knees weak. They'd have to have me so out of it to even get me to sit still to do that. So...I'll wait for the 2nd opinion then decide what to do. All I can do. Ok. I'm officially out of things to tell you. Your baby girl is doing ok. I'm happy and Joe takes great care of me, we take great care of each other. I love you so much daddy. Not a day goes by I don't think of you, wish you were here, wish I could call you. I see things n think how it woulda made you smile or laugh when I tell you about it. I miss our phone calls. If I don't get back on here on Christmas tell Jesus I said happy birthday and eat a big piece of cake for me as you attend the grandest of birthday parties. I love you. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. 

November 3

Hi daddy. My first week at my new job went swimmingly. I think ima like it. I think I've become the maker of chicken salad n pot pies but it's ok. It's easy but time consuming. Took me all day to get them done yesterday cuz I had to keep stopping to help customers or whatever. Only thing that bugs me is the dishes. No one seems to wanna do them and they pile up so high. Ugh. Our dishwasher only holds 5-6 pans at a time so it takes forever to get them done. We'll have to figure it out cuz the guy who's been doing them has to go back to his assigned department Wednesday. I got asked if I want to learn stuff on the bakery side, I said yes please! They said they need someone they can depend on n hope I'm that someone. But of course. :) said it'll just be one day a week for now. I get my first check tomorrow. Excited to see what week one brings me. I've been on 11-7s the past few days, it's an ok shift. Seems like you're there all day though. I'm thinking I'll probably have to work thanksgiving, hope not but if I do hopefully it won't be all day. Just happy I'm some place I like again. Hope that feeling lasts a long time too. 

Mom is still coming for thanksgiving but not by bus anymore. Going to drive instead. She's going to Texas for a quilt class the 12th, then from there drive here. I did end up quitting the tax class. I wanted to be able to work whatever I was offered n I had a hard time thinking about charging ppl so much to do their taxes. Just ridiculous. 

I don't know much else. Joe is trying to quit smoking. Hope he can. He's having a hard time with his cravings but he said he'll beat it. He's been smoking he said for 30-35 years. He's quitting cuz of me, cuz I asked him to not thinking he'd actually do it and he says it'll save us a good chunk every month too. He's gone from a pack n a half to about 3-4 a day. That's really really good. :) 

Just wanted to say hello. I miss you dad something fierce. I was cleaning the kitchen n took a glimpse of your picture I have in there n started crying. Sometimes it just hits ya, ya know. I love you daddy. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.