December 30

Hi Papa.. It's been a day. That's for sure. Idiot coworkers, idiot customers, idiot ex husband, idiot tenants. Grrrr.. having a Monday yes I am. Let's start with coworkers, there's this guy I work with that is also a mgr and he half asses things all the time but gets away with it cuz he's been there so long. Just irks me, nothing I can do about it but be irked so I shall be. Idiot customers, old dude comes in and orders fish, slaw and hushpuppies, I ring up a 1pc fish with slaw and extra pups. He said, I wanted 2 fish after I total it out and give him his change, I tell him it's 1.81 for the other fish, he says he wants it on one ticket so I have to do a void to get it on one ticket. The way I rang it, his total was 5.43 then changing it so its all on one ticket made it 6.02, I promise you old dude, I don't care if it costs you more cuz I tried to save you money to begin with and you didn't apparently want me to so it is what it is. Deal with it. Idiot Ex, I call to tell him I'm wiring Rob's birthday money and he says OK we'll pick it up tonight, get me the confirmation number and we'll go do it.. I do it, call to give it to him and he's asleep.. for the night and it's 630 in Utah right now. Grrrrr.. I also put the wrong payout location when I did it so I had to call and change it to Utah so he could get his money. So hopefully it'll work out. I also called Krispy Kreme out there and ordered him 20 donut holes and a large chocolate milk. Hopefully dumdum doesn't screw that up for me. And our idiot tenants.. just some I'd LOVE to see leave. Just the usual BS from them. I loathe when its time for rent to be paid and all the sorted crap stories we get every month from the same ones. It's irritating.
Mom found out her surgery is going to be on February 10th. Oh daddy. I'm so not happy about it but it is her body and her decision. I wish she could see what a beautiful person she is and how much she DOESN'T need to do the stupid surgery. I was really hoping and praying that her going to the gym would be enough for her to lose the weight she thinks she needs to lose. She weighs less than me dad. And I would never ever do that surgery. Ever. I don't like this spot and that spot on me but Joe loves every bit of me, fat or not. He makes me feel beautiful even though the rest of the world doesn't see me that way. I know that losing weight, being a certain weight, is a personal thing and I'm not knocking her for wanting to lose weight but I just don't think surgery is her answer and I can't believe the doctor would OK this. If she was 2 tons of fun and couldn't walk and talk at the same time, I'd say yeah mom go for it but she's not. She's 66 years old, should be enjoying her retirement and she's just getting into the swing of things, she should be doing fun things like the cruise she went on and going places with Auntie, her quilting. Not fretting about what she weighs. It just makes me so sad and makes me wonder what's going thru her head. The WHY, I mean a good reason why. I told her I'd put a smile on and fake it but daddy, that's gonna be hard. Makes me wanna cry. I wanted to go up to help her after she had the surgery but it'll be Valentine's weekend and I wanna be with Joe on Valentine's day. She said Auntie will be there and that's good but I wanted to be there too. I think I'm gonna go eat a worm.
A couple more hours and my Joey will be home. I wish you were around so I could really talk to you. I need a daddy hug today in the worst way. I saw a tanker today and it just hit me out of no where and I was tearing up. I miss you papa so much. A girl I work with her dad left her mom and them and he sends the girls a good morning text everyday to try to stay connected to them.. she said she could care less. If she only knew how much I wish I could get a good morning text from my dad everyday. There are some ppl who wish they could have what she doesn't appreciate. I love you dad. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.

December 25

Hi papa.. Merry Christmas!!! You're spending Christmas with Jesus. It must be miraculous! I'm spending the day with Brian. Its our first Christmas together in who knows how long. He gets to be here until tomorrow afternoon. So that's kewl. I don't know a whole lot. I got a stereo for my car and this coffee pot that you can make one cup at a time. You'd have liked it. I got Joe a lot of what he wanted. He was happy which made me happy. Things at work are going OK. I'm not going anywhere though. I don't know when and if I will. She had said I'm in line for asst mgr but idk. I don't really think so. Don't really know nothing daddy. 3 Christmases without you. It sucks. I love you daddy. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. 

  

November 30

Hi papa.. So how magnificent was the spread on Thursday? I'm sure it's done way up right up there in Heaven. Joe and I just spent Thursday together. Just another day off for us. We slept most of the day. Had brunch about 2ish. Then took another nap. Don't really know much. Just wanted to say hello. Mom had her appointment Wednesday to see if she can get the surgery. She said she'll know for sure in a week or so. Still hoping the dr says no but I'll do my best to be supportive if it's yes. I just really, really don't think she needs to have it done. I just think there are so many alternatives. So many other safe ways to lose weight where you can keep your body in one piece. I wonder what you would have told her, I wonder if you would have gone along with it to please her or if you would have said no way or if she would have even told you about it, meaning keep it to herself she wanted to do it. Its not my place to tell her she shouldn't do it but I can lend my opinion.  She's been doing things she's always wanted to do with auntie. I'm glad she's able to finally do them. I'm doing the same thing with Joe. S never wanted to do anything with me. It was always either video games, sleep or cigarettes. When we moved down here they started having their vacations without me cuz I couldn't get off work.
Mom came last week. It was good to have her here. Sucked to see her leave. We didn't really do much. Just hung out around here. She cooked. It was good. I've missed that home cooking. I cook but I don't make things like she cooks. I need to get all her recipes before I'm not able to so I can make them later. I wanted her to make egg noodles but I forgot. We had so much other yummy things. Coulda gone for a chocolate sheet cake but Joe thinks its too rich. No point in making something not everyone is going to enjoy, right? I don't really know anything else. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) I still miss you every day. Talk to you in a little bit.

November 14

Hi papa..I don't know much, I just wanted to say hello. Mom will be here next week. I'm looking forward to it. Its not the actual Thanksgiving but it'll still be nice to have her here. We're still gonna have tday dinner. Do it up big as Joe said. Mom said it's about family and being together, so it shall be.
Mom is still convinced to get that surgery. I wish I could talk her out of it but she is determined. There's still time daddy if you could talk to the big guy and get him to pass the right info onto the dr's she's going to see the 27th. She said we'd talk more about it when she comes. Missy is gonna talk to her too. I just still think there are other options. Better options that leave her body parts intact that the good Lord gave her when she entered this world.
Rob gave Shaun a Christmas list a mile long and he's actually getting him most of the stuff on the list. They gave me "my list".. the expensive stuff, the stuff they don't wanna get him or didn't want to but decided to go ahead and get anyway. So, I'm mad now and don't wanna play so I'm probably gonna just get him a gift card, send him some money. He's almost 20, he doesn't need lots of presents on Christmas. If it had been me I would have said, OK, pick 3 things on here and let it go at that. S still treats R like he's 12 and not almost 20.
You know, life has changed so much in a years time. A year ago I was fighting with dumdum about everything and having to deal with him and his attitude and now I'm happy, life is virtually stress free and I'm able to just breathe and be me. I miss Rob, I miss the whole being a mom thing at times but I am also happy that I'm just able to be. To be me. To be happy. I think about 2004 when S came back, how I thought I needed him back. Boy, was I wrong!! I think me and R woulda done just fine continuing on our own. I'd still be in Kansas. I wouldn't know Joe but hmm.. scratch all that.. I am happy everything happened when I think about the end result. God knew exactly what he was doing having us move here. Joe is every reason I'm happy these days. He's every reason I smile. God knew I needed Joe just as much as Joe needed me.
Over on Post Oak close to where we used to live these two kids broke in to some guy's place thinking the homeowner wasn't there, he heard a commotion and went to investigate and saw the boys. the homeowner then shot at them and hit one of them in the neck and he died. He was only 17 but still he shouldn't have been there.
I don't know much else papa. Guess I'll get on with my evening. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.

November 4

Hi dad. Welp, we didn't get thru to her. She's gonna do it. Makes me sad. Makes me worry even more about her. I just don't understand why at 65 she wants to have 90% of her stomach cut out. I can't believe the dr would ok it, heck, even suggest it. It's just crazy. I told her that I support her, I do. I don't support her getting this surgery. I don't think she needs it. I don't know why the dr wouldn't try suggesting putting her on a strict so many calories a day diet, no sugars, no white flour, no starchy foods. Some type of exercise daily. I just think there are so many other options. I love momma so much. I just wish I could understand why she feels this is her only option. I told her I'm gonna be there when she has the surgery and I'm gonna try to stay a few days after. Guess it depends on the weather if I can go and how long. I wish she'd just wait until next spring. I don't understand why the rush. Makes me think its already been in the works or something and she just didn't wanna tell me. She's got appointments on the 27th to make sure she can have the surgery so now she's not going to be here for Thanksgiving which makes me really sad. She said she can still come the week before or after but it's not gonna be the same thing. I was so looking forward to taking the time off work to spend with her but now I can't, I'll just have my usual days off. Its been 3 yrs since I last had Thanksgiving with her. I gotta talk to Joe first and see what he thinks. 

The past few days at work have sucked massively. We've been so busy because of the 1st of the month. Luckily the ppl I work with are pretty good when we get in a pinch. We work together as a team but there's always a few things that don't go how I have them in my head, then I get irritated. But that's life I guess. This job is actually one I rather enjoy. Not near as much stress as Krystal. Slim to none most days, in fact. Today we started soups and salads. I don't think ima like them. They are so time consuming and I don't know how some ppl will react when we tell them it'll be 5 minutes for a sandwich cuz we have to cook the main ingredient to order. Then I think about Sundays, we're gonna get slaughtered with the soups n salads. A guy from corporate was there all day. Tried my best to keep our i's dotted and our t's crossed. Guess I did ok. 

Anyway, today just isn't a good day. I'm gonna find some dinner, pout and maybe take a nap before Joe gets home. I sure could use one of your hugs today. I love you daddy. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. 

October 28

Hi papa..How's heaven today? Can't wait until it's my day to see that wonderful place and be with you again. I'm doing OK. I'm worried about mom though. Wish you were here so badly. My boss had weight loss surgery a month ago and I've been telling mom about it. She's seriously considering getting it done. She's going to the doctor Thursday to discuss it with him. Dad, I'm at a loss for words. I've been trying to get her to understand she doesn't need it done. She's beautiful the way she is. She's mom. She's Bev. She's wonderful just like she is. I worry about her doing it cuz of her age, cuz of her blood pressure problems and all that. I worry her doing it and being alone. I know auntie is right there but still. Her and I are about the same size and I would never fathom doing it. I don't think it's safe. She's already lost a lot of weight since we lost you. She's fine the way she is.  I worry about losing her and if that happens, I'll be lost. I know we will someday but hopefully not for years and years to come. She's always the one who's always there for me whenever I need someone to talk to, vent to, cry to, laugh with, she's my loudest cheerleader. She's my best friend and the only person besides Joe that I can talk to about anything and not be embarrassed. I think there's more to it then losing the weight. I think she's sad and still depressed about losing you and I think she's a little lonely. She keeps herself busy so she doesn't have to think about things but she's apparently slowed down enough to start thinking about things. I mean, if there were things she couldn't do... like walk up stairs, even just a few or get in and out of the bathtub cuz of her size, tie her shoes I might understand but she can do all those things. I know her knees are hurting her but I don't think it's so much cuz of her weight. I think it has to do with the falls she took at work and also her age. God made her fluffy and made me fluffy. We are who we are. I'd like to lose weight too but I know what I need to do and that's get off my lard butt and move it and stop eating so much dang sugar and watch my portions. I've done nothing about losing weight since we lost you. I've gained 23 lbs since me and Joe got together and he thinks I'm perfect the way I am. I beg to differ but if he's happy, heck, so am I. How I wish you were here to hug her, remind her how beautiful she is, how special and important she is to so many people and tell her she does not need to have this drastic, irreversible risky surgery. I'm trying daddy but she's not hearing me.
In other news of my world, work is going OK. Still waiting to get my bonus that we earned. Was supposed to be on our last check but it wasn't so hopefully this next one. Need to get Hoochee fixed and get my title and tag crap taken care of for my car. Also start thinking about getting Christmas presents and Joe's birthday is coming too. Gonna try to find him something special, working on it. It'll be tricky though cuz we do everything together so gotta get it somehow so he doesn't know about it. Haven't really talked to Robbie. I guess Shaun is going to try to get him to enroll in the community college and take some graphic arts classes. I don't think either one of them realize that you have to take core classes before you take the classes you're going to school for. Whatev. I'm not much a part of their world anymore, I'm on a need to know basis,  getting kinda used to it. I was looking at my ex mother in laws Facebook page the other day and she has this post on there about Shaun and it says something about he's living in Utah now and is happily married. I had to LOL cuz that's like saying he and I never were. We were at some point, not towards the end, but sometime in the 20 years we were. Or I was anyway. I don't think she ever really liked me but just between you, me and the hole in the wall.. I didn't ever really like her. She was always so judgmental. Always acted like Shaun did no wrong. I remember when she came in 2000 and I suspected Shaun was cheating on me she told me I should just accept it cuz I was doing nothing to hold on to him as far as like wearing makeup and trying to lose weight. I was who I was and I didn't wear makeup cuz he always accused me of cheating on him if I went out with makeup on. It's whatever. He is no longer my problem or even a thought to me. I'm elated in the position and place I am now. Joe is an absolute blessing and gift from God above and I thank him every single day for such a wonderful, caring man that I know without a doubt truly loves me. Guess I'll go. If there's a way you can, let mom know you are still here with us. Give her a hug, send her a sign. Daddy, she doesn't need that surgery, speak thru that doctor and tell her. I love you. I miss you every single day. (forehead kiss!!-- Huge Hug) Talk to you in a little bit.

October 14

Hi dad. How be you? I'm ok. I miss you. I was piddling around on the Internet and came across our old place. It's only 21K. Lol. I'm sure being a foreclosure they didn't fix the sewer problems. Its a nice thought to toy with the idea of getting it back but I also think that's a chapter of my life long gone and over with. It wouldn't be the same. Plus it's more room than Joe and I need. Being in the garage would be hard cuz that was where you hung out when you came. Seeing Rob's room empty would be impossible. Betcha he'd move back though. Dreams make the world go round, huh? 

Work is going ok. I'm so ready for Missy to come back. She's supposed to on Wednesday. We made bonus, did I tell you that? I ain't never made bonus before. Idk how much but still sweet I'm getting one. We need to get Hoochee spayed and I need to get my title n tags taken care of so probably use it for that. Hopefully. That's the plan anyway. Nothing else has been said about me moving up yet but if my competition is Chase and Josh, I'm in like Flynn. 

We got to see mom last week which was great of course. Time always goes by too fast though. Joe and I helped her by cleaning out her garage and Joe hung pictures all around and her clocks. She'll never be late cuz she's got lots of clocks. :) I'd like to get some more time off and go up and help her go thru those tubs. I'm sure we could have one heckuva garage sale or donate a lot to some good cause. Snick was so happy to see her. He knew right where we were when we were getting into her area. He perked up, was looking out the window, shaking his nub. Lol. He's not sure about her floor though. He'll get the hang of it, I think a good manicure may help too. I think he needed her as much as she needs him. I feel a little better knowing she's not alone. Alone sux sometimes. I'm worried about her knee though. I think it's the same one she hurt when she fell at work. Next time we go I wanna go during the day so we can go to the donut bank in Evansville. That place is neat and the donuts are so yummy. We went to Villas when we were there. I like that place. Deb made that yummy soup for us, for me. I love that stuff. Mom made that cinnamon chocolate cake. I wish I had brought more of it home with me. Only brought 4 pcs and I've devoured them so I'm all out until I see her again. I should probably get the recipe, huh? Mom is doing ok, she's sad and I think probably lonely too. She still misses you as do I. She keeps herself busy with church things or her quilting. Her and auntie galavant, I'm glad she's got her to be with. Her n auntie are real close and I suppose if I can't be there, she's the next best thing. The drive home was long. Seemed long. Joe kept dozing off so it was hard for me to stay awake but I did.  We got home about 430. 

Don't know much else daddy. Suppose I'll go. I love you papa. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.