April 22

Hey papa.. I need a hug from you in the worst way. Everything lately has been so crappy. Could just be a slump.. I don't know. Just bad day after bad day. I think the world has officially gone crazy. Where you are is probably the safest place. Watching down from Heaven at the the stupidity going on here. Pretty soon I will be gently nudging my baby bird out into this crazy world and I'm scared to death for him. I mean, going to mom's for the summer isn't hardly the entire world I know.. but it is away from his safety net of his mom n dad and his bedroom. He'll be doing things on his own for the most part with grandma there for guidance but still no mom and dad. That has to be exciting and maybe a little scary for him. 

We had the stupidest, rudest customers today and how I so wanted to tell them to where to go but of course I can't. We were busy from like 8 then on the rest of the day. Had a cook that was so freaking slow and all she kept saying was, I'm trying  slowly but surely.. that was the problem, the slow part. We had a screen full of orders and she was going at a snail's pace. We eventually got the orders out, customers were of course peeved but what else could we do? I just don't get why she can't give us help on Sundays. Makes no sense to me. Just makes me really mad. I'm not my pleasant self on Sundays, especially Sundays like today. I will talk to my boss tomorrow and see if she will change things. She probably won't but doesn't hurt to try. 

I worked on Boo's graduation announcements yesterday. I think I have all the ones I wanna send out ready. I need to get some addresses but there the same as ready to go out. I so wish you could be here for graduation but guess the Lord didn't see fit. I remember us talking about it, you were down here on one of your visits, I think the last one when you brought me home that May. I asked you when it was time for Rob's graduation if you'd come and you told me, I'd like to but just depends if the Lord sees fit. I know that you'll still be there but just wish it were in person. We're gonna check and see if it's going to be recorded so mom can see it. Makes me sad she's not gonna get to come cuz of work but I know she would if she could. Wish she could just tell the big boss she has to be gone and they will need ppl to cover the store. If it were only that easy. If the school doesn't record it, I'll try my best to with my phone or with our camera. I just hope we get good seats. They don't have tickets to it and anyone can go so I'm sure parking and seating is going to be at a premium and a nightmare! We're gonna get there as early as we can.
I don't know a whole lot else. I'm really tired so I guess I'm gonna go watch some tv before I go to bed. I love you dad. (forehead kiss) I miss you sooooooo much. And I still need a hug. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

April 8

Hey papa.. Happy Easter! I want thank you for shining down on me this morning. It was so nice to see you first thing. Oh, how I miss you! So, how was Easter in Heaven? I bet just miraculous. My Easter was kinda dull.. I had to work most the whole day so it was just work. We luckily weren't that busy which was really nice for a change. The past few Sundays we've been getting our booties handed to us cuz we've been short handed as usual. Today we were a little over staffed which means, wasted labor.. but also means.. not as much work. We had our Easter dinner yesterday cuz I had to work today. Baked ham, scalloped potatoes, green beans and cake. We had Freddie over, who is a regular customer of ours, but has become friends with Shaun n me. He's harmless. A little gross.. cuz he doesn't bathe regular but he's a'ight. Just smells like a sweaty ashtray.. LOL!! Yep.. gross!  He had been with us cuz we had to go to our other place and finish some stuff out there so we can hopefully get our deposit back. We really need it back too. Would sure help.

I'm having a bit of a tussle within myself cuz my stepson is an atheist and has started going to meetings and stuff and on his facebook page today has a whole bunch of pictures about Zombie Jesus and Zombie Jesus day.. just horrible pictures. I get he believes what he does, and I believe what I do.. it just offends me.. which I guess as an atheist is his goal. I the same as blocked him but I hate to cuz I'll miss out on pics of Liam, Shaun's grandson. So, I don't know what to do. He was raised Mormon, but his mom committed suicide when he was a teenager and since then he's struggled with what is true. He believes if God was real he wouldn't have taken his (adopted) mom.. he doesn't get she made a choice, God didn't. And it also breaks my heart cuz he's raising Liam atheist. I think that's just wrong. Liam should be given the choice. Given all the facts and let him decide when he's of age to do so. 

I don't know much else.. I gotta go to bed soon cuz I gotta be up at 5 so I guess I'll end this short. I love you dad. Miss you more than a million.. wish so much you were here. I was thinking today if you were that you and mom may be planning your spring trip here to spend a few days with us.. given of course mom could get time off. Or maybe you'd come alone this year, who knows. I guess we never will. Best go. I love you dad.. (forehead kiss)  Talk to you in a little bit. <3

March 14

Hey papa.. I've been thinking about you a lot. Have my moments and my days. Last night thoughts of you flooded my mind as I was trying to go to sleep last night and I started to cry and had to get up to wipe my tears and blow my nose. I don't know why you're on my mind so much. I guess, just because. I sometimes think there is a glimpse of you in some of my customers. Like today this older gentleman came in and he reminded me so much of you. Dressed in a plaid long sleeve shirt and jeans. Long white beard, cheerful face. I took his order and he complained that the price was high.. as I think you probably would have too. Then when I did my table touching (checking on my customers) I asked him how he was and he said, Doing fine, darlin'.. Then as he was leaving, I told him to have a good day and come back to see us and he said, Thanks kid!  Have to say, I had to blink back the tears. It's like you were there, thanks for coming to see me today dad.
Did you see the nice desk Richard made? He did such a nice job, you'd be so proud. Glad he's found something he enjoys doing and I'm sure you are right there with him when he is working in his garage. I think all of us have you with us in certain ways. In our own ways. I wish we had you here but since I know I can't.. it's a blessing to have you the way we can. In our hearts, our thoughts, our memories, and in the glimpses of people who cross our paths each day.
Mom had her deposition last week. She said it went better than she thought it would. She was really nervous. They asked her stupid questions and she told them all she knew. I know she wants as much as all of us do for the case to be over and things to be settled and there to be some closure. Let her feel you dad.. talk to Snick and tell him to be special sweet, give her a sign you're still here.  I love you daddy.. miss you so much. I need a dad hug so badly! (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3 

March 3

Hey papa.. Happy Anniversary! I so wish you were with mom today but I know in your own way, you are. 45 years ago you two said I do.. I was always so proud to be the kid in school who's parents were still together. So many kids I went to school with parents were divorced or apart or always fighting. You and mom weren't like that. You two had your disagreements, sure.. but never to the point one of you would walk out. I always admired you two for that. You two loved each other whole heartedly and it showed. Mom is having a rough day. She's been working a lot of hours since Chris is gone right now and she's so tired. Plus today being a Saturday and your guy's day.. think the quiet is making her sadder. I told her she should take a warm bath and then snuggle with Snick. I hope she does. I hate when she's sad and I can't be there to give her a hug. :(
I told you I got started with my Scentsy stuff. I'm still pretty excited. Haven't had a lot of business yet but I made some business cards and labels for my catalogs. They look really nice. I wish you could see them. I don't know much else. We got part of Rob's senior pics. The cap and gown ones, so nice. He looks so grown up. You'd be proud. He's gonna be at mom's this summer hanging out with her. I think it'll be good for both of them. And us too. Hard to be apart but he may grow up some and mom can pass some of her life knowledge on to him. Teach him how to drive, balance a check book, give him a crash course in the working world. Can't believe it's time for him to almost jump out of the nest. I know my baby boy will fly right back home when he's done in Kansas though. He'll always have a home here. :) Guess I'll go.. here's a pic of you and mom.. see if God can get you a frame for it, k??

Again, happy anniversary.. you two were truly a match made in Heaven. I love you daddy!! (forehead kiss) Miss you so much. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

February 18

Hey papa.. Was gonna write the other night but after I got off the phone with mom I couldn't get time on the computer. I'm about to start a new venture I'm pretty excited about. I'm gonna start selling Scentsy. Scentsy is a wickless candle system.. totally much safer than a candle though.. its a warmer, has light bulb, that you plug in and put this scented wax in the top part of it and it melts the wax and then the whole house smells delish! I've been wanting to do it for a while but we haven't had the money and I haven't felt ready to try but I will have the money when I get my tax return and think maybe I need to start living again. I know you wouldn't want us just sitting around moping and lost in our grief. It doesn't mean I've stopped being sad about losing you but just think I need to stop stewing in my sadness. I know you'd want us to get back to the business of us so I'm gonna try. Anyway, about Scentsy.. I think I can do this.. Shaun told me I can do one of two things, succeed or fail.. and I'm gonna do my best to succeed. Been failing at too much lately. I need to find ppl to buy.. to have parties for me..but I think I can and I will. I can even do these things called pouch parties, I send all the stuff to who ever, where ever and they have some of the scents and catalogs and order forms and have a "party".. take it around to their friends and stuff getting orders and then in like 2 weeks they send it back to me and I put the orders in and they get free and discounted product for doing it. I can mail these pouches to anywhere.. like say, if mom got a crazy hair to do it I'd mail her a pouch and she'd take it around. Haha.. love to see mom do it. I know she won't but it'd be fun. :)

Things on the work front are OK I guess. I was ready to quit a couple weeks ago. Ready to walk right out. My morning manager was over exerting her authority we shall say. Told the GM about it and she told me to not let her get to me cuz soon enough she won't have any authority anymore. Delicious. I love it. So, I've been trying to just not let her get to me. With the new GM we have new rules and frankly I don't wanna play and told her so - the GM - and she said she's not gonna make me so it's all good. When you do your job like you're supposed to I guess it has it perks.

I don't really know a whole lot more. I told you mom closed on her house in Illinois. She said there will be a place for Snick to run and that's good. It's close to Deb's/Aunt Norma's and to all she needs.. the grocery store, McDonald's for tea, Wal-Mart. All the essential places. I'm happy for her but wish as I know she does that you were here to share in it with her. I don't know you'd be moving to Illinois, just know you'd be together where ever that is. I had a dream about you last night. Mom and Brian were in it too. I dreamed we were meeting some place, I don't know where we were but you guys were hungry and you, mom and Brian got in the truck and drove off as soon as I got there and I started to cry because I just wanted to spend some time with you guys. I'm crying and hear your voice, asking me why I'm crying and I keep crying and try to tell you and won't look up and you said, 'Young lady, look at me, why are you crying?' and as I look up to say, 'I just wanted to spend time with you guys', you disappeared. I woke up crying. Heck of a way to wake up on a Saturday morning. I just laid there for a little while thinking about the dream, wondering why mom and Brian were in it. But y'all drove off. I hope it doesn't mean something is gonna happen to the two of them cuz that's like the rest of the ppl besides Shaun and Rob I'd hate to lose. Brian can be quite a jerk at times but I love the big dork. Shaun wants his computer back so I gotta go. I love you dad. (forehead kiss) and oh how I miss you. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

February 3

Really missing you today dad. Nothing to really say. I'm looking for a new job. Sick of what's going on at Krystal now. The new manager bringing new rules and forgetting that most of the crew are adults and not 12 yr olds who need to be monitored at all times. Not to sound snooty, but I'm one of the best cashiers they got there. I've been told that by several ppl plus I know. Anyway, bringing new ppl in and treat the others like we're the new ones.. forget that. I've applied as a dispatcher at a security place. Idk if I'll get it. It's in God's hands. Rob doesn't like the hours I'll be working or that I have to drive at night to get to work.. I don't drive well at night. Be just fine if all the idiots weren't out there too. Don't know much except I miss you and wish you were here.. would love to hear your voice and you tell me to hang in there. Love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3

January 21

Hey there papa!! I guess Karma takes time but she finally got around to doing her job. Randy is no more but unfortunately Melanie is still around. I guess, from what I hear, Randy got fired.. was requested to come to the home office and was let go. But.. from other things I hear he is saying he quit. I find it hard to believe he quit a high paying job that provides hellacious benefits, one of those being a "really cool, loft apartment".. ain't no girl worth giving that up for. On her facebook page she has now added she's engaged to Randy.. guess it's no secret now. LOL! Can't believe this is the place I work. Fast food.. whoda thunk. Just hope now some of this drama.. heck.. all of this drama can end. And it also means that Melanie is fair game. The managers no longer have to worry about doing or saying something to her when she's not doing her job. 

   Rob was exempt again from finals. He has been like every year. If he has good attendance and grades he gets to miss out on finals and you know he has both. He was out yesterday and will be out on Monday too. New semester starts Tuesday. He'll have classes like Econ and Zoology. Hope he does well in them. He's doing good in school. Has 2 A's n 2 B's.. one point away from an A in one of the classes. He'll be graduating before we know it.

   Been off since Thursday. Been kinda boring. I need to find something to do with my time off. Just been doing a whole lot of nothing. Lounging about with Jake. He's a wonderful cat. He thinks when I lay on the bed he has to lay on me. I keep telling him I don't need held down but for some reason he seems to think I do. Don't really know anything. I just wanted to say hey. Haven't really talked to mom in a few days. I know she's getting ready to start her busy tax season. I think this might be the last one for her. I know it's going to be hard for her to tell her friends and clients she's done and they need to find someone else. But she deserves to enjoy her retirement.. just wish, as I know she does, that she could be spending it with you. With you here. I know she probably wouldn't be planning a move to Illinois if you were still here. But it is what it is. Not all the wishing and praying in the world can bring you back. I still find it hard to believe it's been almost 2 years since you left. A year and 7 months. How I wish you never left. I miss you so much dad. I'd better go. I love you. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3