May 26

Hey papa.. I made it home safely. Got here on Friday night but not in one of my record times. I had to stop a few times to let the cats outta their box cuz they were fit to be tied in there. Would let them out for a few minutes then it was heck getting them to go back in it. I found the house, after passing it a couple of times, and quietly crept up on the porch and knocked on the door. Boo answered. He just smiled and said, how come I knew you would probably do something like that? You are sneaky like grandpa always was. :) Shaun was sleeping and had no idea I was coming. I fooled him the whole day. When he'd call me I'd tell him I was doing this or that.. stuff I did in KS on a daily basis. Lol. He got up when he heard Chocolate barking. I guess they were glad to see me. I was sure glad to see them. I spent Saturday and Sunday cleaning and getting things outta storage and where I wanted them. Made the house look like a home. I'm taking this week to gather my bearings before I head back to work. I went in today and started my paperwork but wasn't able to finish it cuz Ray has to get the email to OK my pay rate.. what I was getting when I left.. and override that I'm good to go as a master cashier and I won't have to start over from beginning to get MC. I'll be hella peeved if I do. I'm supposed to start on Monday morning at 6am. Daddy.. we live like 30 minutes away from civilization now. It takes like 30 minutes to get anywhere. It's kinda crazy. But you would love the drive. It's so pretty in some parts of it. I will have to get up at 4something to leave here by 515 to get to work on time. I'm gonna be working 6am to 4pm, four days a week. Works for me. Guess it depends on what the 4 days are gonna be and if I really do get to work my whole shift. Our new place is really kinda nice. Smaller than the place on Post Oak but nice. The living room is probably my favorite room. We have a fireplace.. that we'll probably never use.. and these two built in shelves on either side of it. Just the way it's set up is nice. If we should ever have company, we'll have to set up in the living room to sleep but that'll be OK. Met the landlord. He's nothing to really tell you about. Money hungry sums him up. His wife seems nice. There's this little red dog that runs around here. I guess the neighbors abandoned him and he's kinda taken to us. I think just cuz Shaun feeds him but he's an OK dog. Our neighbors that live in the backyard.. yes, dad.. the backyard.. ugh! I'd rather they not be there but I wasn't given that choice... anyway.. they are annoying and kinda creepy. They have a sensor on their gate so they know who is outside and the guy carries a gun around with him. I guess Shaun was telling me that he comes over here with it when he comes to work. Totally makes me uncomfortable. Shaun, as you know, is a pot stirrer and he calls the landlord and tells the landlord what they are or aren't doing. They are supposed to be doing stuff for him but aren't getting it done. I think Shaun needs to mind his own before he has a bullet in his brain. Wouldn't put it past the neighbor guy.

Jenn lost her dad Friday. Mom said she just seems to act like it's no big deal. I think maybe it just really hasn't hit her yet. Mom said that they cremated him and there will be no services for him. From what mom was saying he was cremated Friday afternoon. Scary. I know how you had always said you didn't want to be cremated cuz you weren't going to hell and had no desire to be burned up. I agree daddy. I'm sure that ppl who are cremated end up in Heaven or maybe down there.. so did you see him come in Friday? Would you have known who he was if he did? God knew so I guess that's all that matters. I don't know much else. Oh.. 

Boo is done with his junior year. He got all B's. I guess I'm happy with that. Given all he went through this year with me not being here, losing our house, where he had to live.. all that. He's gonna be a senior. Gosh.. where did the time go? We got info on senior pics the other day. No fricking way. I can hardly believe it's time for that. He won't start senior year until September 6th cuz they wanna have those two schools that got damaged in the tornado done so those kids can go back to their school at the start of the school year. Better go. You've been gone 49 weeks. That doesn't seem possible either. Wish you were here. I miss you. I love you. Talk to you in a little bit <3

May 18

Hey papa.. I'm heading home in just a few days. I'm pretty excited. I might get to go Friday. If not, Saturday. Mom is really sad about it. I understand, cuz I'm gonna miss her a lot too. Its been so good being here with her. She's been so great letting me stay here and taking care of everything. And being here with Snick. I totally understand why he was your best friend. He is the bestest little guy. Such a snuggly butt! I just love him! He and I didn't get out as much as I had hoped. But we still had a good time together. Just being together with him is kewl.
I got my bus washed yesterday. One less thing to worry about before I go home, so I thought. Its supposed to rain the rest of the week. Becky said though it will probably get dirty again before they are done with it so the lady who is gonna cover my last few days might have to touch it up. Shouldn't be too bad. Jeff changed my oil and checked my tires last night. Got my car all ready to go. Got my road munchies cuz you know how we roll. Stop just for potty breaks n gas and you do those at the same spot. Just gotta load up my car and will do that Thursday afternoon if I can leave Friday. Gonna be flying low cuz I'm ready to get home to my guys. Rob doesn't know that I might be home on Friday. Hoping to surprise him. The guys are getting the rest of things done so I don't have so much to do when I get there. Finally getting the last of their stuff from Judy's and gonna get our dining room table out of the storage shed. Woot woot!! That's one piece of furniture that I love. If we don't have time to spend together thru the day, taking that 15-20 minutes at dinner time is my favorite time of the day. It's my fave time with mom too. She's not busy and she talks to me. Just get caught up on our day. I think I mighta irked her last night cuz she made Chris a whole cinnamon chocolate sheet cake and I didn't get none of it. I pouted and whined and so she made me one too.. last night.. when she was all ready to be done and go to her room for the rest of the evening. I felt bad and tried to help her. She got it done pretty quick though. I did the dishes for her. Today she will make the frosting. That's almost THE best part of it. 
I think Snick knows what's up cuz he's been sticking real close to me lately. I think he knows I'm gonna leave soon. Wish I didn't have to but sometimes life doesn't always give you what you want.. it gives you what you need. And I need to get home to my guys. My children.. hehe. 
I was naughty today daddy. Just cuz I can be.. well, not just cuz.. that idiot lady that rides my bus puts her face and mouth on my seats and it grosses me out. I cleaned my bus last night and I thought that she would smell the stuff I cleaned with cuz it was stinky and not lean on my seats.. she didn't.. or it didn't bother her. So today I mention it to Becky and she says.. put cayenne pepper on there. So I did. I can't wait to see what happens!! I know, it was mean and not the Christian attitude but you can only be nice so long.  Well papa.. I would love to tell you more.. probably won't talk to you on here till I get back to GA so until then.. I love you! Talk to you in a little bit. <3

May 8

Hey daddy.. guess what?!! Rob Passed His Graduation Tests!!! All of them!! Oh papa.. I am so crazy proud of him right now. I've read and re-read the DOE website about the passing grades and he had to have 200's on everything and he got it.. his first try!  I've sent an email to his teacher to confirm it but as far as all the info I've read and understand he passed!  So, that means that he will get that diploma and not a thanx for coming certificate. He got a 212 on the writing test, 205 in english, 204 in social studies, 218 in math and get this..a 239 in science!! Oh papa, Oh papa!! I'm gonna surprise mom when she gets home for lunch. :) Yes sir, I will tell him that grandpa is proud of him too. HUGE hug!! Better scadoodle.. I love you papa!! Talk to you in a little bit <3

May 7

All of us..

Hey papa.. how are you today? Today we went and set your headstone like I was telling you. Your kids were all together and we got along OK. It's Mother's Day tomorrow and the least we could do for mom was get along, especially today. Yes, I saw you today. I saw you scoot around to the other side of the tree to avoid getting watered from Snick.. hehe. I think he was still confused. The poor guy. I'd hate to not be able to talk, to ask questions because I know if he could he would be asking where you were and when you were coming home. Why we keep taking him out to that place where we say you are and he can't see you. Why we keep crying. I think about when I have to leave in a couple weeks. I'm so ready to go home but I know that he will again be confused and sad. I'll be sad too. I've enjoyed being here with him and with mom. Being with Snick is kinda like being with you. You are just comfortable and know that there is love in the room being with him. Someone who will listen and always be there to have that someone to hang out with. He's been not very happy with me as of late cuz I've been busy running errands or having to work and he can't always go. He's been pouting and telling me, daddy would take me.. he always took me everywhere. he didn't tell me no. Well, I'm sorry papa... but sometimes I have to tell your best buddy no. 

It looks nice, don't ya think? 

We had a nice dinner today. Mom made brisket and corn casserole and dump cake. It was really good. She cooks on the weekends and she does an awesome job. Richard tried to fix the door latch thing on your bedroom door but couldn't find the tools he needed to finish it but the door shuts again so that's all that matters. Brian is well, Brian. He starts his new job on Monday. He's gonna work for Seward. Yes sir.. I know. He will probably be looking for another job before too long. He can't seem to keep his nose clean and out of trouble. He's 43 daddy. He should know by now how to play the game. Just do what the man tells ya and you keep the job. Crazy concept, huh? I don't know much today papa. Just wanted to talk to you about setting your headstone. I cried when we were done. I don't know papa. Just puts another piece of the puzzle together and I just wanna put the pieces back in the box and return it and get you back. I wanted you around forever. Till you were in your 90's at least. I wanted you to out live your parents. I think grandma was 66 or 67 when she left, and your real dad.. I don't know how old he was. And Delmar was like 66 too. If that's the case.. then maybe that's when we will get to join you in Heaven. When we are in our late 60's.  Who knows except the Big Guy. You know the rock thing I did for you.. It didn't weather, well, the weather.. see. But you can

still make out what it says. I do still love and miss you. Can you see that from Heaven dad? When are you getting the phone put in so I can call and ask you all the questions I have for you?? You really need to talk to God and see if this could be arranged. I know mama would really love to talk to you too. Tomorrow we are gonna take Brian back home. Spend Mother's day driving.. that's OK. At least we'll be together, if I can't be with Boo at least mom can be with 2 of her kids. Don't know much else today papa. I love you! Talk to you in a little bit. <3

WE LOVE YOU DAD!!

May 5

Hey papa.. Happy Beaner Day. Woo hoo. Yawn.  How are you doing today my sweet papa bear? I'm doing. Thinking about you today. Missing you. I got a haircut today. I kinda like it. After I wash it tonight and style it I will maybe like it more. I'm trying to help mom get this program on her computer but it's not responding. Ugh. Technology. Life was what life was before so much technology came along, now ppl can't even seem to wipe their noses without some technological device. LOL!
Anyway.. on Tuesday I went to the funeral home and talked to them about your headstone. Asked them size, weight, etc..cuz we are wanting to get it set before I go back to Georgia. Remember I told you I was gonna bend mom's ear about it. Well, she had been thinking about it too.. (i didn't know that).. and so she said we'd get it done after her vacation. So.. (hold on, taking a breath) we thought since Dick is mad at Dan Hill, the guy who has that place there on the corner next to where Napa was... where you and I stopped that one day for you to talk to him about something...that's who they use to set them, well, we were going to get the info about how to set them and all that and I was supposed to stop by Dan's to ask him how deep to go down, etc.. and if he could do it and how much but when I stopped at the funeral home Dale, the guy who works with Dick took me out to where the headstone is in the garage and Steve Shearburn, (remember him?) came out there with us and Dale said Steve could do it for us and he's going to do it for FREE!! I know, a long winded way to tell you all that but I did so there. :)  So papa, that means this weekend on Saturday we are going to go out there as a family. The boys will be here and I'm gonna bring Snick too.. and we will get to watch and help it being set. I have mixed emotions about it because yes, I wanna see it done but it just seems like another piece of the puzzle is getting put in place and I'm not sure what I'm gonna do when the puzzle is complete. I'm gonna be sad too cuz I just would rather have you back. I know that you will be there, waiting by the tree for us. I'll make sure mama makes it over to the tree to say hello. She misses you so much daddy. I think she keeps herself busy so she doesn't have time to think about things but I know that she misses you. I think how ironic it is that we are getting it done the Saturday before Mother's day when we laid you to rest the Saturday before Father's day last year. Richard is going to come on Friday evening and try to get the tires on the trailer fixed so he can get them emptied so that we then can go in your shed and see what we can do. It's not time yet. I'm not ready daddy. Mom's not ready either, I know she's not. She said that no more of your stuff was going to go to anyone yet, which is fine and totally her call. I just hope she lets the boys know that. I sorta also think Richard has a motive. I know he's working on something for one of Traci's friends and it makes me wonder if he's maybe trying to get ahold of some of your tools to work on it. I don't know papa. Yes sir. I'll be good and I'll play nice. I want this to be as good a weekend as it can be. It's gonna be the first Mother's day in a while all us kids were together with mom. I'm not gonna start an argument but you are in there. I can feel you in there when I open the door. You are sitting there on your chair, listening to the radio with the fan and light on and wittling away at some new project you are working on. I can smell the dust from the sanding of the cane or whatever that thing is you are working on. I know that yes, OK, we have to eventually, someday go through your things but not yet. It's just not time. I had a hard enough time just putting your things under the bed in the other room. In some ways, I still think if we just wait, you'll be back..and how upset you would be if you found your things gone. I know that's crazy daddy. I know that you are in Heaven hanging out at your cabin but I also know that you come back here and you walk with us and hang out with us here. We can't see you but I can feel you. I know you are still here. We might not have time to get it done though cuz we are kinda on a tight schedule. Brian has to be back to KC Sunday cuz he got a job and has to be in Nebraska Monday and the dump closes by like 5 on Fridays and we are gonna be busy most of Saturday with doing things for you that maybe we won't have time. One can hope. I know he might have good intentions but it's Richard and you know that usually if it's not benefiting him he's not interested. Suspicious. He told mom since we're all going to be together. Huh. Suspicious.  Nuff sed!
     On a lighter note, well sorta.. I get to go home in 16 days. I'm ready. I miss my guys something awful.. plus if I stay much longer I'm going to reach through the phone and strangle Shaun for the way he spends money. He acts as if it's water and always gonna be there. He's already spent all that was "left" after bills. Makes me crazy. I didn't pay one of the bills cuz I knew he needed money and I've sent all I can send until I get paid on the 17th. He doesn't know yet he has it cuz he would spend it all if he did. It's a good thing that I pay the bills cuz if he was in charge of that they'd never be paid. I'm ready to get back to Boo. He has his spurts of helping out then goes thru these spurts of slothfulness and does NOTHING. Shaun said his room is a mess already and they've only been there a few days. Rob knows better, that's what is annoying. We raised him better and he is having no respect for his stuff at all. Just time for me to get home and be in charge again. I tell Shaun he should take away his controllers or his system or whatever it is keeping him from doing his chores but he doesn't and when he does try to discipline Rob, he calls me telling me that Shaun is being an A-hole. Rob won't be very happy to see me when I get home. Sounds like the law needs to be laid down again. Well, I have laundry to get done. I will see you Saturday. I love you daddy! Talk to you in a little bit <3   

April 30

Hey papa.. 

It's been a few weeks since we've talked. I mean, here. I know we still talk all the time. I maybe can't see you daddy but I can feel you here. I know you are still walking with us every day. This month has been interesting. I went and got Brian on the 10th so he could come down and work on getting that red pickup you got running. He was here for the whole week. I know in a perfect world that he wouldn't have it right now but life threw us quite the curve ball with you having to leave us. He bought it from mom. She had a heckuva time getting him to pay for it. Mom took a vacation to Illinois the 16th-24th. Brian was supposed to leave too but didn't. I was so mad at him dad. Sticking around here just being a pain in the woo-hoo!! Ugh. I finally said enough to make him mad and he went home. Like I said, mom went on vacation to Illinois for the week. Spent some time with auntie and Deb's family. Mom is thinking she wants to move to Illinois after she retires. She found some houses she liked and made an offer on one. Thought it was all going to go through then she found out after she got home that they had to turn her down cuz she doesn't make enough money for that one. She said you really would have liked it too. But there are other houses daddy. The one God wants her to have will come open when the time is right. She still has time before she retires to get the rest of her life planned out. And you thought she'd never leave Kansas. Me neither pops. I had mixed emotions about her moving but I've come to terms with it. I know she has to move on and I know that she's not going to leave you behind. You were way too special to be forgotten or left behind. 

I was thinking and meant to ask you. How was Easter?! I bet the celebration in Heaven was amazing and beautiful. Rejoicing the Father all day long. Did they prepare a big meal for you all to share? I like to think that Heaven is a place like a big community. Where you know all your neighbors and everyone likes everyone. Where meals are prepared and there is always plenty for everyone and the weather is always just right. Where your overalls and long sleeve shirts are perfect for all year round. Has your beard gotten longer? When you get to Heaven, do you stay the age you were when you got there or go back to an earlier time in your life? Do you live by yourself or in a big place with all of your family members? I'd like to think that you have a place to yourself with room for mom when she gets there and our family members are your neighbors.  And your place is just beyond the moon, overlooking a big pond for you to fish out of whenever you want. I wish you could answer my questions. I wish I could call you. I wish I could see you. 

  Back home in Ringgold we had a tornado on Wednesday, the 27th. Oh daddy, the devastation is horrible and shocking. Our whole town is gone. The same as. You know, I grew up here and we never ever experienced anything like that. Moving south and that far south you never even think that we could get tornadoes. Boy, were we wrong. Someone had said if a tornado ever got in the mountains it would do a lot of damage and that it did. It came up from Texas then to Arkansas and then through Alabama. It wiped out Vilonia, AR, Tuscaloosa, AL, part of Birmingham and several smaller communities thru there before getting to Ringgold. From there it moved through Tennessee. In Ringgold, right there at the 348, all of the restaurants are gone. The BP is gone, several homes are gone. Trees are everywhere. Too many businesses to mention are destroyed. The middle and high schools there in town got a lot of damage. The middle school will probably just have to be rebuilt. They have all of the kids out of school all of next week and when we go back the school Rob goes to will share their building with the Ringgold kids. They will go 1/2 day and Rob will be done before 12 each day. They will have 3 weeks left when they go back. They are still planning on the kids getting out for the summer on May 27 but they say it will take 6 months at least before the kids from Ringgold will be able to go back to their schools. Rob's senior year is going to be interesting. I know if you had been here, I'd have been in GA and I know you'd have called me several times worried about us. I know you'd probably be here at home gathering as much as you could to bring it down to GA to help us. I don't know dad. You just were always like that. I just think you'd be asking what you could do. I wish I was there so I could help in some way. I guess the restaurants in East Ridge are crazy busy which I can imagine so with so much ruin in Ringgold people have to eat some where. 

We got a new place. Its down 151. I know, you're saying.. where's that? Mom knows. She could drive you. :) But I haven't even seen it in person. I found it in the paper last Sunday and called about it on Monday and Shaun went and saw it and then got it Tuesday. Like just in time--cuz I think God knew what was coming Wednesday. I'm pretty sure it was a God thing cuz God and you knew we needed a better place then where the guys were in that junky trailer in the hood and we needed to get Rob back in his school district. Rob and Shaun have been getting everything moved over there and the trailer cleaned up. Mom helped us get the house and I'm gonna pay her back on our payday. I've only seen a few pictures of it. It's nice. I'm excited to get back so I can see our new place and get back to work at Krystal. I'm hoping I still have a job to go back to since Ringgold is flattened I worry that if there is a position open it's been given to someone who is there now. I just have to put my faith in God that I still am getting it. So whisper to the big guy that I'm a little worried about it and help me find the peace that everything is gonna be OK even if I don't have that job to go back to. I get to go back in 3 weeks. I'm gonna miss mom and Snick but I'm ready to get back to the guys, get back to something that resembles my life. I've missed Boo so much and hate being apart from Shaun. I counted the other day and he had called me over 20 times in that one day!! Yes, much too much.. but he misses me too I guess. I've been blabbing on to ya for about 2 hours now. I remember how you used to think us kids didn't like talking to you. Boy, were you wrong?! I miss you daddy. Every single day. I see things and wanna tell you about them. Experience things I wanna tell you about. And just miss your company. I cherished every time we hung out. Even after all these months, I still don't understand why you had to go. I don't know so much if it was your time. But apparently God was ready for you. I wasn't ready for you to go though. Not that I ever would have been. Better go dad. I love you papa. Talk to you in a little bit. <3

April 6

Hey papa.. how's Heaven today? Earth is still kinda sucky but I'm sure you can tell that from your perch up there. I'm positive you look down on us and keep an eye on us. I even would believe that you sometimes come down from that perch and walk beside us and wrap us in your warmth. God I miss you daddy. Wanna know what made me cry and think of you today? Rocks. Yeah, rocks. I came across some smooth, pretty rocks that you would collect for Boo. I was cleaning out a bucket in your room, trying to get as much as I can of your things put up before Brian gets here on Sunday. Him and his sticky fingers. I'm going to go get him so he can work on the pickup next week. I remember when you drove it home. About this time last year. How you cooked up the story that it was Chris's so he wouldn't ask about it. I knew you didn't really want him to know about it. Let alone him have it now. I just hope he takes care of it. He got fired from Rich cuz he didn't turn in his paperwork or some such silliness. Anyway, I put a couple of your pocket knives away and your Cd's. I know Brian means well but he doesn't have to be so sneaky when he's here. Sneaky pisses me off. Always has. I haven't yet been able to get much done in your room cuz I come across something that floods back a memory and I overflow with the tears. I have a dent in it. You can be in there and use the room, so that's progress I suppose. I thought I would have more time to work on it but my summer plans have been hijacked by my darling husband. Grrrrrr.. 

I had all these things planned for the summer. I was gonna drive for Becky for summer school. Go with mom on June 17 to the "apartment" and help her do something special for you. Can't believe we are coming up on a year. No daddy. It can't already be almost a year since you had to leave us. Ppl lied, you know? They said that time would heal our pain. We've had almost a year of time and yep, my heart still aches and the silliest things still make me cry like a baby. Rocks. Wow. I'm hoping we can get your headstone placed before I go back. I really wanna see it in place. Need to bend mom's ear about that one. I was going to take CNA classes in July and I got a scholarship to cover the tuition. Made me sad to have to withdraw. I hope I can someday take the classes. I had plans to just do what I wanted and what needed to be done. But duty calls. No, scratch that.. my drama filled existence calls. It's been nothing but drama since Judy kicked Shaun n Rob out. I've the same as written her off as my mother in law. I know that usually MIL's n DIL's don't get along but seriously, that woman is crazy. Accusing Rob of saying things. OK, yeah, he said things, he just repeated what her insane self said. It's for the best that they've moved out. Rob is livid he is over there at our new place. Can't say I blame him cuz I don't wanna live there either but it's a roof over our heads so we should just be thankful we have that. Ppl have told us we should just move back into our house. I would really, really like to but we don't want to get ourselves in a situation where we are there and then the bank decides to finally get off their butts and start the foreclosing procedure. I talked to them on Monday and the guy told me that the bank would foreclose on the property when it was economically feasible for them to do it. Gee, thanks.. no really, that helps me so much! NOT!! I HATE Bank of America. Hate them!! I have to go up there tomorrow cuz the idiots didn't close my accounts like I told them to when I went up there on March 10. The guy withdrew the last of the money and said they were closed but apparently didn't get them closed cuz we got charged an insufficient funds fee. The heck if I'm paying it. 

Warm weather finally arrived. Mother Nature finally figured out this is now spring and warm weather comes when spring comes. Only problem now is when it's warm, it's windy as heck here. Kansas weather sucks!! I loathe Kansas weather. It's been nice being here with mom but I've hated the weather about every day. Too windy, warm, wet, cold. It's never just right. What happened to just right? We used to have just right weather when I used to live here. LOL. Going on about the weather so. You were always so easy to talk to... about anything!! Even my disdain about the weather!! I would love to stay and chat all night but I gotta get to bed.  Ya know, was gonna tell you.. when I was coming home a couple weeks ago from GA, I'd stop for gas and get to a place and as I pulled in, think to myself.. hey.. this is where me and dad stopped when we drove home that last time. When I go to KC on Sunday, go along with me for the ride, k?? You were always the best company, even with you telling me how to drive and telling me to stop "herding". My constant impromptu "jake break". What would I ever have done without your invisible breaking... *chuckles*.. and when you'd freak out about being low on gas.. "Oh my God, Oh my God, get to the gas station now. I'm not walking!"...hahaha. I'd sometimes, OK, most of the time, ride around with it low just to rattle ya. :)  Alright papa. I must sleep. I love you. Talk to you in a little bit. <3