May 5

Hey papa.. Happy Beaner Day. Woo hoo. Yawn.  How are you doing today my sweet papa bear? I'm doing. Thinking about you today. Missing you. I got a haircut today. I kinda like it. After I wash it tonight and style it I will maybe like it more. I'm trying to help mom get this program on her computer but it's not responding. Ugh. Technology. Life was what life was before so much technology came along, now ppl can't even seem to wipe their noses without some technological device. LOL!
Anyway.. on Tuesday I went to the funeral home and talked to them about your headstone. Asked them size, weight, etc..cuz we are wanting to get it set before I go back to Georgia. Remember I told you I was gonna bend mom's ear about it. Well, she had been thinking about it too.. (i didn't know that).. and so she said we'd get it done after her vacation. So.. (hold on, taking a breath) we thought since Dick is mad at Dan Hill, the guy who has that place there on the corner next to where Napa was... where you and I stopped that one day for you to talk to him about something...that's who they use to set them, well, we were going to get the info about how to set them and all that and I was supposed to stop by Dan's to ask him how deep to go down, etc.. and if he could do it and how much but when I stopped at the funeral home Dale, the guy who works with Dick took me out to where the headstone is in the garage and Steve Shearburn, (remember him?) came out there with us and Dale said Steve could do it for us and he's going to do it for FREE!! I know, a long winded way to tell you all that but I did so there. :)  So papa, that means this weekend on Saturday we are going to go out there as a family. The boys will be here and I'm gonna bring Snick too.. and we will get to watch and help it being set. I have mixed emotions about it because yes, I wanna see it done but it just seems like another piece of the puzzle is getting put in place and I'm not sure what I'm gonna do when the puzzle is complete. I'm gonna be sad too cuz I just would rather have you back. I know that you will be there, waiting by the tree for us. I'll make sure mama makes it over to the tree to say hello. She misses you so much daddy. I think she keeps herself busy so she doesn't have time to think about things but I know that she misses you. I think how ironic it is that we are getting it done the Saturday before Mother's day when we laid you to rest the Saturday before Father's day last year. Richard is going to come on Friday evening and try to get the tires on the trailer fixed so he can get them emptied so that we then can go in your shed and see what we can do. It's not time yet. I'm not ready daddy. Mom's not ready either, I know she's not. She said that no more of your stuff was going to go to anyone yet, which is fine and totally her call. I just hope she lets the boys know that. I sorta also think Richard has a motive. I know he's working on something for one of Traci's friends and it makes me wonder if he's maybe trying to get ahold of some of your tools to work on it. I don't know papa. Yes sir. I'll be good and I'll play nice. I want this to be as good a weekend as it can be. It's gonna be the first Mother's day in a while all us kids were together with mom. I'm not gonna start an argument but you are in there. I can feel you in there when I open the door. You are sitting there on your chair, listening to the radio with the fan and light on and wittling away at some new project you are working on. I can smell the dust from the sanding of the cane or whatever that thing is you are working on. I know that yes, OK, we have to eventually, someday go through your things but not yet. It's just not time. I had a hard enough time just putting your things under the bed in the other room. In some ways, I still think if we just wait, you'll be back..and how upset you would be if you found your things gone. I know that's crazy daddy. I know that you are in Heaven hanging out at your cabin but I also know that you come back here and you walk with us and hang out with us here. We can't see you but I can feel you. I know you are still here. We might not have time to get it done though cuz we are kinda on a tight schedule. Brian has to be back to KC Sunday cuz he got a job and has to be in Nebraska Monday and the dump closes by like 5 on Fridays and we are gonna be busy most of Saturday with doing things for you that maybe we won't have time. One can hope. I know he might have good intentions but it's Richard and you know that usually if it's not benefiting him he's not interested. Suspicious. He told mom since we're all going to be together. Huh. Suspicious.  Nuff sed!
     On a lighter note, well sorta.. I get to go home in 16 days. I'm ready. I miss my guys something awful.. plus if I stay much longer I'm going to reach through the phone and strangle Shaun for the way he spends money. He acts as if it's water and always gonna be there. He's already spent all that was "left" after bills. Makes me crazy. I didn't pay one of the bills cuz I knew he needed money and I've sent all I can send until I get paid on the 17th. He doesn't know yet he has it cuz he would spend it all if he did. It's a good thing that I pay the bills cuz if he was in charge of that they'd never be paid. I'm ready to get back to Boo. He has his spurts of helping out then goes thru these spurts of slothfulness and does NOTHING. Shaun said his room is a mess already and they've only been there a few days. Rob knows better, that's what is annoying. We raised him better and he is having no respect for his stuff at all. Just time for me to get home and be in charge again. I tell Shaun he should take away his controllers or his system or whatever it is keeping him from doing his chores but he doesn't and when he does try to discipline Rob, he calls me telling me that Shaun is being an A-hole. Rob won't be very happy to see me when I get home. Sounds like the law needs to be laid down again. Well, I have laundry to get done. I will see you Saturday. I love you daddy! Talk to you in a little bit <3