August 15

Hey Papa! Today is my birthday! Wish you were here but I know that you're watching over me from heaven. Let me catch you up 

on what's happening in my world. Like I was saying, today is all about Mindy day. So far its been a good day. We went out and got the fixings to make my birthday cake. Triple chocolate with milk chocolate frosting. Joe hasn't made it yet but is going to. It's going to be yummy! We're making a pot roast for dinner. The house smells amazing! I got a few cards. 3. One from Rob, aunt Patty n mom. Idk what else we'll do today but it'll be great even if we just watch Netflix n snuggle. 

Joe didn't get me anything but we also just got back from Chicago. I gotta tell you about that too! When we told ppl we were going to Chicago for vacation they were like, Chicago? Really?..yes really! Joe grew up there, his ex wife's family is there and his kids. Didn't go to see them. Tried to see his oldest son but he wouldn't meet us anywhere. I think Joe might have been a little disappointed but didn't let it bother him. 

OK..so Monday we went to mom's to stay the night. We got there about 5 and spent the evening with Deb. We went n had dinner at this bbq place they have there in Robinson. I had the bbq sundae. Yes, you heard me right...bbq sundae. It was in this small metal bowl Joe kept saying looked like a dog bowl, but it was mashed potatoes, baked beans, coleslaw, pulled pork n bbq sauce. It was actually quite good. They could've left out the coleslaw but it was still good. We ran to Wal-mart n got phase 10 then went back to Deb's n played with her n Fred. Joe ended up winning. It was an enjoyable evening. It was the most I've ever spoken to or heard Fred talk. We then went over to mom's. I guess not having mom there the fleas were having a convention at her place. Oh daddy...um, yikes?!.. We didn't do much but try to sleep. I wanted to clean up her kitchen but the fleas were having me for dinner and Joe wouldn't let me cuz we were on vacation. Tuesday we head for Chicago. I was so excited n anxious to get there. We got there about 2 n went to the Field Museum cuz it was raining. I guess I'm just not a museum kinda girl cuz I didn't find much interesting there. Joe enjoyed it though. He felt bad that I didn't like it. Pish posh..there is gonna be plenty things I wanna do he may not enjoy in this life, ya know? To park there costs us $19! Yikes! I didn't figure parking into our budget so it was like whoa! when we saw that.

Traffic in Chicago was busy busy. I kept up n didn't get run over or anything. I was proud of me..so was Joe. :) We drove to the part of town he lived in and tried finding his kids but they had moved from the house where they lived. We ate at Portillo's. Had beef sandwiches. So yummy n tender! You'd have love them! Then we found a hotel in Rolling Meadows. That was intersting, when we pulled up there were a bunch of police there so I was a little nervous but Joe said that was normal and assured me that we'd be fine and we were. Wednesday we  headed to the Brookfield zoo. We found some little hole in the wall place and had a delicious breakfast. It was the cutest place. The fried potatoes were almost as good as yours always were. Made me smile..like you were in the kitchen making them. 

We got to the zoo and it was so fun. So many different animals and such a big place. Took about 3 hours to discover the whole thing. It was so fun though. We went to the Navy Pier after that. Getting there was tricky but we got there. Parking was $21! We walked along the pier for a while, went thru the little shops, went thru a stained glass museum..that was really pretty. We rode the ferris wheel. :) It was a fast trip around it seemed but so fun! We then walked downtown. So many ppl. We kept seeing ppl walking with bags that said Treasure Island and I wanted to see what it was. We asked some guy what it was and he just said, its here. Um, yeah..thank you very little. We asked another lady and she said it was a grocery store inside this building. We went in this huge building that had everything daddy. A walgreens, Ace Hardware, doctors offices, apartments. Daddy, I think you could probably exist in that building and never leave it. We found treasure island..it was so neat. Reasonable prices, a huge selection. I was impressed. 

We drove back to Robinson and slept at mom's. The fleas this time were a little better. I wish mom could have been there. She's planning on coming to see us after she gets back from Utah. She went to Montana for a quilt class and then on to Utah. She saw Rob and then went to Brad's to help take care of him. He was at work a few weeks ago and his work truck ran over him. His leg isn't getting any better. He had to have surgery last week to cut out the gangrene that was setting in. April is going back to work so no one will be there for him. Mom n auntie went to help him. We spent some time with Deb n them then drove home yesterday. The trip home seemed so long but we got home safely. 

Today has been great! We got up late. Went n got fixings for dinner n my birthday cake. Spent the day doing a whole lot of nothing. Took a nap, snuggled, ate dinner, had cake n now we're watching movies. In years past my birthday has been so blah, I usually ended up sad n thinking nobody cared. Joe cares so much about me. I love how he loves me. I am such a lucky lady daddy. 

Hmm..what else do I know? I got in an accident on the 24th. I was making a left turn, had a green light, turned left into my lane and this idiot woman turned right, into my lane and hit me. Bottom line, they tell me it was my fault cuz I turned. I think that's crap. I had the light too. She crossed two lanes of traffic and hit me. Really irks me. I don't know much else I guess. I love you. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. 

XoXo...

July 16

Hi dad. Having one of those I really miss you and I need a daddy hug days.  Life itself is good, just in a funk. You know how you n mom would be doing just hunky dory then one of your family or hers would have to make waves for some reason n make you wonder why the heck you stick around?  Nah. Probably not but that's how I feel right now. His bitch sister living next door bounces off our wifi for free n then is a total bitch when she's not getting her way and has the nerve to say that I'm a selfish bitch. She came over yesterday griping like she always does and stomps off, I tell myself screw her if she thinks ima keep letting her use any of our stuff especially if she ain't paying for it especially if she's gonna treat us like she does..so I got on my router website and shut down the guests wifi thing and changed my password on my regular wifi. She stomps back over n asks what happened to the wifi n I told her I didn't know cuz I haven't been online so she runs over to Joe's work pitching a fit cuz it's not working. Mind you dad, she pays us nothing to use it and screams at Joe constantly about this or that. She's just a miserable person. So she comes over with Joe when he comes home wanting to "apologize" to me... Whatever! I keep myself busy in the bathroom until she leaves and then he asks what happened to it, I act innocent..ya know I got that down pat ;)... and try "fixing" it so he can get online on his Xbox, I try n try to no avail then I crack n come clean with Joe as to what happened n what I did. I tell him it's not right how she treats us like shit when she's not getting her way and that sharing our internet drags ours down. That everyone else on it is what is making me have issues connecting to websites on my iPad. I told him she could pay some of her bills n get her own cable n internet. But if he insisted I would give her the new password. He didn't say anything, just looked at me. I figured out what the issue was on the xbox n got it working. He finally told me it would be nice if I did give it to her but he wasn't going to make me. He tells me that he wishes me n Dena could be friends. I've tried dad, believe me, but every time I try we're friendly for a bit then I look at Dena wrong way or hold my mouth to the left instead of the right and she's jumping down our throats n screams at Joe n then doesn't talk to us for several days. He told me I just didn't understand her situation but won't tell me what it is and says I probably wouldn't be sympathetic to it if I did know. I told him I played 2nd fiddle to Shaun's family for 20 yrs and I'll be damned if I was gonna do that again. I told him if his sister was more important to him then I'd leave. He told me I was The most important to him but I sure didn't feel like it and then I went to bed early cuz for one of the first times I didn't feel comfortable being around Joe. Our first real fight. :( We finally made up sorta. I'm in my funk today, he's working over at Denny's sisters house doing yard work. Dena called him when we were having breakfast n surprisingly he told her the wifi still wasn't working and he didn't know what happened to it. Hopefully he'll stick to that story cuz I really don't have any place to go to. Kansas isn't home anymore and Illinois is too cold in the winter but I wouldn't wanna stay here. So idk daddy. I just need one of your hugs to make me feel better, 

That horrible lady that was causing all the drama finally moved. We have to get her apartment ready, probably do that tomorrow. I don't know much else. I miss you dad. I love you. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. 

June 17, 2014

Hey there papa. 4 years ago or shall I say 1461 days, 3 hours, 53 minutes and 27 seconds ago life for all of us changed. I still remember the phone call I got from Aunt Norma, her telling me, "Mindy honey, I'm so sorry. Your dad was killed in an accident this morning...." I think she might have said more to me but I don't know. I lost it. Straight lost it. I didn't know then it was possible to shed so many tears, to hurt that bad. To want to die in that moment. You were my best friend daddy. You always listened to me go on about something that was important to me and let me just get it out. You'd let me cry on your shoulder, hug me tight and tell me everything was going to be OK but at that moment you were no longer able to. I remember the drive home to Kansas with Shaun and Robbie. I think that's the quickest I've ever gotten there. I had to get to mom to hug her, hold her. I was so worried about her and you. I wanted to see you but they wouldn't let us until we got to the funeral home. I hoped it was some sick joke, that you were gonna come around the corner any minute and everything was going to be fine. But no. It had really happened. I remember how your truck looked, the blood that had ran down the door. The air bag out. The mail on your dash. You had done your morning errands and had been to the post office but had been too early to pick up the package I had sent you for Father's Day. I went with mom and we picked it up. I remember the clerk handing it to me and me holding it so tight, bawling again. Poor Snickee not understanding why all of us were crying and so sad and you weren't there. When we came in from the sheriff's office with your things and Snick sniffing them and looking so confused that you weren't with your stuff. He's a great dog daddy. Mom has taken good care of him since you left. He's like the final piece of you left. I'm glad he's with mom to give her some companionship, someone to talk to even though he can't "talk" back. I don't wanna make this a sad day. It was a sad day but life has gone on and must go on. Last year mom and I met for lunch and it was a good day. I'm alone today but somehow I'm going to make it a good day. Joe is working and I keep my circle real small so not anyone I can really call today to hang out with. But I wanna remember the good days. The laughs we shared, the talks we had. I loved our phone calls daddy. I looked forward to them every week. I remember our last. It was the Sunday before the accident. You called me and told me you just wanted to call to tell me you love me. You had important things to do and were going to be busy all week. It's like you knew. We talked about things going on with me, nothing exciting, The last thing we said to each other was I love you and that daddy is one thing I'm so happy about. Some people part having said cross words or something they later might regret. I luckily was able to tell you one last time, I love you, if I had only known it would be THE last time.
I remember growing up and always being your sidekick. Your little helper. I remember washing your motorcycle and you told me to go turn on the hose and I slipped and fell and hit my head on the spicket right in the middle of my forehead and you carrying me in the house, laying me on the kitchen table and mom and grandma taking care of me. I always wanted to take a ride on that bike but you sold it before we could. I remember going on a family trip and you picking me up and pretending you were gonna throw me over the bridge, I had on these bright red tennis shoes. I knew you weren't really gonna do it. I always felt so safe with you. Our family trip, just us and mom. The boys were at church camp and we went to Branson. That was probably one of my favorite times. Getting you and mom to myself. The times we'd go fishing, I hated fishing but loved spending time with you, you'd bait my hook and help me cast it out. I'd sit there and reel it back in slowly and never catch anything. I remember when we were fishing at night one time and I touched the lantern and burned my hands, you wrapped my hands in a wet t-shirt until we got home and the time I got stung by a bee and you took me home and put this baking soda mixture on my leg. When we'd go to breakfast, just you and me. You eating the jelly on the table, because it was there. Dumpster diving, our roadside finds, you teasing me with possums or tell me a possum story. I'll always cherish that one last road trip we had together when you and I drove back here because I had to be home for work the next morning and I couldn't get a flight back. I have so many wonderful memories of you daddy. You were old school and you taught us your values, taught us respect and right from wrong and would correct us when we forgot and you taught us how to treat other people. You were the kindest man I had ever known. You'd do anything for anybody. I remember on one the last trips home before the accident, you and I had gone to Dillon's and there was this guy leaving and he had a bunch of groceries and was on a bike, you told him to put his groceries in the back with his bike and to get in and we took him home. I thought you had lost your mind doing this for a stranger but that was who you were. Kind hearted. You'd see a person in need and you'd step up. I see ppl and wanna lend a hand too but the way the world is you just can't anymore and that's sad. People are plum crazy dad. I could sit here all day and write about all the fun, crazy, happy and not so happy times we had but I think ima find something to do. Something that makes me smile and think of you. Thank you for being my father, and my friend. I'm beyond blessed having to had you as mine. I love you dad so much. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.

June 15

Hi daddy. Today is Father's Day. I kept it together today. Better than years past, when I'd be sad and cry off and on cuz you're not here. I know you would be if you could be. Had to work this morning. We were so busy. I don't like busy. And church people. They act like we're beneath them cuz we are working and they went to church. They leave such a mess too. Almost hard to believe they've just come from church.
So, what do I know... not a damn thing daddy. Life is going good. Joe and I are still happy as clams. Bills paid, food in our cupboards, gas in the car. Have some tenants I want gone so bad but for some reason Denny is dragging his heels, saying we need more complaints from other tenants about them being disruptive. Seriously? We gave them a letter about a month ago that said basically, shut up or get out and one more complaint and they were to be sent away but even though we've gotten said complaint, he's saying now he needs more. Ugh! If the gig wasn't so sweet and our place wasn't so close to both of our jobs I'd almost entertain moving but that will be a chore and a half. We've accumulated a lot in the short time we've been together. Pretty impressive from what we started with, a bed and a TV.
Both our jobs are going good. Joe got promoted to shift manager Tuesday. I didn't think it'd ever happen. He has to wait until the new quarter starts before they start training him but he got it. He'll get his pay raise when he starts training. I'm still pleased in the position I'm in. I still want assistant manager but I don't want to have to transfer to another store if I get it, that's why I haven't gotten into the books. Don't fix what ain't broke, ya know.
Mom is going to be here Friday. I wanted to meet her halfway or maybe go to her house on the 17th but she's busy this week doing church camp. Plus we don't really have the extra money for gas and Joe wouldn't let me go alone cuz he has a lot to do around here Wednesday and can't get away. I was a little upset that we had talked and planned on meeting for lunch or something the 17th and then all of the sudden she had church camp to do. But I understand, that's mom and that's life. Mom has always found stuff to keep her busy. I don't know if she does it so she doesn't have to think about what's going on or if she just doesn't know how to light. I'm glad though she can come Friday. Tuesday it'll have been 4 years since you left. I'm taking Tuesday off, I don't know what I'm going to do but we'll be talking that day. I work Monday then I'm off until Saturday afternoon. Almost wish I could get away from here a few days but alas, I cannot. I had asked for Tuesday off, Wed/Thurs are my usual days off and Friday I asked if I could work 12-5 cuz mom won't be here until the evening but I guess she didn't need me so I'm off. I'll figure out something to do with myself.  I know nothing else. Happy Father's Day! Miss you so much. I love you dad! (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit!

May 18

Hi daddy. Ain't been here in a while. Everything is going good.

Love you. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. XOXOX 

April 14

Hi dad. It's been a minute since I've talked to you on here, huh? I'm good. Joe and I are great. Ain't been much happening. Just day to day, same old, same old. Work is going ok. I haven't delved into my asst mgr books yet. My boss told me she's not sure if I'd have to change stores or not, said something about with her n I both salary we couldn't work together anymore, couldn't work the same days cuz we're only allowed a certain amount of hrs in a day and her n I would be 20 hrs. I'll get into them. Eventually. I told Missy I want to learn all of it but I'm happy staying a shift mgr if it means I don't have to leave the store. I know I'm probably selling myself short but if something ain't broke best not to tinker with it, right? Day shift has been incredibly slow so we've been running with 3 ppl on Monday-Wednesday. Makes doing breaks hard but helps labor I guess. 

Mom ended up coming to see us. Her weekend visit turned into 2 weeks thanks to the lovely idiots who worked on my car. I needed my clutch replaced and we looked everywhere to get it done for what I had saved up. Asked friends, coworkers, everyone where we should go. Found this place who said they'd do it for 350 and turn my flywheel for free. Ok, deal. Since that's what I had and for some reason I believed he was an honest, Christian businessman cuz he had Christian music playing when you go in his office. Nay nay I say. That was a ruse. He had his dingleberry son and a high school kid working on my car. He installs the clutch we provided and put it back together and the clutch pedal wouldn't go down so they claimed I needed my master cylinder replaced. Tell me they'll order it, we wait 4 days. It gets sent to the wrong warehouse, gets lost at the warehouse, they order one from Kia and it's not even the right master cylinder. My sister-in-law's boyfriend goes out with Joe and looks at it and tells the kid it's not my mc, it's gotta be the clutch. He says he'll take it back apart but it'll cost another 300 if it's the clutch we provided. Wouldn't ya know it, it was the clutch. Of course. We get a different clutch, takes them almost 2 days to install. Finally got my car back. My clutch pedal and brake pedal were like right next to each other when I got in. Drove it home, I tell Joe something's not right with my pedals. He was able to just pull my clutch pedal back where it was supposed to be. I was so mad with the entire situation daddy. I feel like we were ripped off, we were charged for turning the flywheel. We asked and they said they never said that. Liars! We weren't offered even as much as a gee, we're sorry it took so long or a discount or anything. I feel like if this guy was any kind of reputable businessman he woulda taken it back apart the first day to see if maybe, just maybe, something was wrong with the clutch instead of make us wait and go thru all that unnecessary BS and extra cost. Mom said I needed to be patient and they weren't idiots. In my opinion they were. It's my opinion. My blog, my thoughts. Mine. I will most definitely never ever let them touch my car again, ever.  Don't care if I'm broke down, sitting in a dark forest and zombies and bears are surrounding my car. Never! Mom was really great helping me get it paid for, adds to my hugemungus bill I have with her but I really do appreciate her help. She stayed cuz we were without a car. We told her we woulda figured out what to do if she went home, and she did go home before we got it back cuz she had a dr's appt. She left on a Tuesday and I didn't get it back until that Saturday. Blithering idiots.  My opinion. 

Mom has lost 46 lbs since I last talked to her, I'm proud of her. I hate what she went thru in order to do it but she's happy and being happy is all that matters. I've learned that. I'm nothing but happy these days and I love it! 

I haven't talked much to Brian the past month. He pissed me off. Called him cuz I hadn't talked to him in a while and barely two minutes in he snapped at me cuz I asked if he was sleeping. Didn't know that was such a touchy subject. I found that metal clipboard thing you had from Groendyke for your logs. Thought he could use it, would want it cuz it was yours. Didn't even get to ask if he wanted it, now I don't even know if I want him to have it. I hung up on him. It was the wrong day to snap at me. I know, stupid reason to not talk to him. I finally called him the other day, talked about a minute. Just hi, bye basically. Didn't feel like talking to him. I will, idk when but I will. 

Joe n I are doing great, still happy as a clam. Our 1st anniversary is in 11 days. It's been an awesome year. Still happy, happy. He's my favorite person in the history of like, ever. I've only had a handful of favorite ppl in my life. I still wish you coulda met him, known him. You'd have loved him. I've been talking about you, telling him things about you. He said I wish I coulda met him, he sounds like he was a helluva guy. I think he n I coulda been friends. I think so too daddy. Don't know much else. I miss you so much.  I love you dad. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. XOXO

 Yep, sure have. 

February 27

Hi Papa! Gee golly how I miss you. There are so very many days I'd love to be able to pick up the phone and call you. I miss your voice. Heck, I MISS YOU! I don't know a whole lot. Mom is doing OK I guess. We've talked but not much about her surgery. What's done is done. It is what it is. Seems silly to still be mad about it cuz she done did it. She had planned on doing it all along so idk why she asked me what I thought and got me in my tizzy. Just wish you were here. She goes Tuesday to find out if she can have pureed foods. Um, yummy? Can't even imagine. She could almost just buy some baby food. It's pureed and got the nutrients in it. Oy vey. Ick! It's what she wanted to do so I just hope she's ok, recovers well and gets to where she can eat actual food. I love eating too much to go thru something like that but more power to her. She was going to maybe come in March but idk if she still is. We talked about it but she thinks we are mad at her. We're not. We just don't understand why she felt she had to do it. It's her life, her body, was her decision. She's going to Louisville which is 3 hrs from her and then maybe come here or vice versa. It's 5 hrs to here from Louisville or 6.5 from her house. So her coming from Louisville is like driving from her house almost. The older she gets the more I worry about her being out on the roads. Like I did you. I was always so worried about you when you would come here alone and then leave for home. I would check and re-check my phone for the message from mom that you got home safely. I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to you coming or going from my house. Guess God was the only one who knew that you would go away so close to your house. What, like less than 5 miles? I think you knew that it was about your time. You would always talk about it, that it was your last birthday and then when I had that dream days before it happened, I should have known it was about to happen. Still wish it hadn't. Every single day. Mom said she's wants to live a quality life and live as long as grandma did. I told her that's not her decision, it's His.
Guess what? I finally got my books for assistant manager. No really! I'm excited but it looks so daunting. So many more books to do. I didn't get a chance to talk to Missy today and find out her timeline on it and if I might be moved to another store or if we can even afford to have a 2nd salary manager cuz I'm NOT going to another store. I'll stay a shift manager if I might have to move. I love the convenience of where work is, I love the ppl I work with (most of them) and love working there. Does it make me a loser that I love my fast food job? LOL. I've done so many things in my life but who knew I'd be happy working fast food? I guess God did. It just took me a while to get where I am with the eighty-eleven jobs I've had. Letcha know how it goes.
Me n Joe are great of course. Just love him to pieces. Some times I have to pinch myself that it's me in this awesome relationship with this terrific guy who loves me so much. To come from where I was for so long to this is like a total 360.  They are short handed on cooks at his work so he's been having to run the whole kitchen by himself lately. He gets home at night and is so tired. I appreciate how hard he works for us. He's amazing. He's absolutely nothing like dumdum and I am so thankful for that. He helped me clean up the apartment before he went to work the other night so I wouldn't have anything to do while he was gone. Sweet, huh? I got so lucky with him daddy. I feel myself push back some cuz I'm so scared I'm just in a dream and he's maybe not real. He sure feels real though. :)  I guess I'll go for now. Love you papa. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.