January 3

Hi papa.. it's 2013. Seems really weird to say that. Let's see, I had things to tell you. Went over on Monday early to surprise Rob with his birthday cake and some candy I made for him. I gave him $20 bux too. He seemed surprised and happy to see me. He gave me a huge hug. His room was a disaster though. I was quite disappointed he let it get like that. The whole house reeks of cigarettes. Smells dirty. The upstairs is cluttered and ya know how much I love clutter.... NOT!!! Def can tell someone who gives a crap no longer lives there. Sad really cuz it's such a nice house.
I talked to Rob last night and asked how his birthday was and he told me he understood why I hated my birthday so much because it ended up being just another day and Shaun didn't put much effort into it to make it a good day for him. Welcome to the real world my child.
Shaun is still being an ass. Incredibly immature. I told him he needed to find a new rep payee and get his money moved so I can close the bank accounts associated with him and me. I don't want to have any ties with him anymore. He told me I couldn't stop being his rep.. uh, like hell I can't. I called social security today and told them. I have to pay his January bills but after that I'm done. Which will be easy cuz almost all of it goes to his mother for the house payment and the rest will go to his car payment. There, problem solved. 
I'm gonna get rid of Spencer. Something is wrong with him. He's had diarrhea for like ever and no matter what I do it won't stop. I can't afford the tests and treatment for it so I don't know what I'm gonna do but he has to go. I'm cleaning up daily messes and had it up to here with that.
Mom made her next to last trip to Illinois this weekend. Can't believe in 3 weeks she'll be leaving Kansas forever. Until it's time for her to meet you at the apartment. I don't know dad. I don't think she'd be leaving if you were still here. I don't think she'd quit working totally if you were still here. I think she'd still do books or something. Y'all have been in Kansas forever. 35 years. Wow. You raised your children there, made your careers there, your home, your friends and sadly it's where you left us. I hate to say die cuz that sounds so permanent even though that is what happened. You never got a chance to "get out" as you used to say. I know you wanted to leave Kansas or at least El Dorado for a long time but mom was happy there so you stayed. Now, I guess, in a way you finally get to leave, in spirit. In her memories, her heart. She said she's gonna have a place on her wall with stuff of yours on it. Pictures and stuff. I hope she really does do that. It's sad she's leaving the house but I guess I could understand in a way her need or want to. It's gotta still be hard to go home and you not be there. To not have you there in your chair or something to be cooking in the kitchen and her warm bubble bath not drawn. I think when she comes in and Snick hears the door he still hopes you'll walk in too. That's gotta be confusing for him. You dropped him off, told him you'd be right back and haven't made it home yet. My heart still breaks for that wonderful little puppy, er.. furry little boy. He is such a wonderful dog. So faithful, so sweet and lovable and just the best snuggler. I worry about him. He's the last link mom has to you but I don't know if she sees it that way. I've always thought the world of Snickee.
Work is going good. I get to work with Joe about every shift which is great. He and I do about everything together. We have one or sometimes 2 nights a week we don't work together but we text each other most of the time we're away from each other. I like working at Lee Hwy. No drama, or none that includes us shall I say. The other day the boss had a blowout with one of the cashiers that resulted in the cops being called.
I don't know much else. I do but don't have time to keep typing. I have to go get Joe in a little bit. I love every minute with him and hate every minute apart from him. He's one of the very few ppl that I love being with all of the time. :) I love you dad. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.