Hey papa... I'll be going to see mom tomorrow. I'm pretty excited. She is visiting Aunt Norma and them this week. Richard is with her. Idk what I think about seeing him. He and I don't get along very well anymore so Idk how it's gonna go. I will do my best to play nice. I'm sure he will put on this phony act of "hi sisser sisser".. yeah ok whatev! I know he doesn't mean it. I guess that's what bugs me about him. You don't know when he's being real. When you can trust him. I guess I should just need to be cautious around him all the time. Watch what I say and how I say it. Not let my guard down so that I don't get hurt by him again. Lord knows how many times he hurt you and mom. That sux when you can't talk to someone and just say what you want.. having to measure your words so you don't hurt their feelings or offend them. Rich n I used to be the best of friends before we grew up and grew apart. There's times I miss those days but also know maybe it's for the best. He has his life and I have mine. Odd though that me and Brian get along now and can talk and I cry when he leaves after he's stopped to see me given how it was growing up. Yes sir, I know this is a public forum and anyone can read this but this is also a conversation between you and me. A father and daughter. Even though, you're not here.. you still are. You always will be. I could always talk to you.. tell you exactly how I was feeling, what was on my mind. I miss our talks. I miss you.
Gonna be nice to have the next couple days off to be with mom. I haven't seen her since May, Aunt Norma since August 2010 and Deb n them since June 2010. It'll be nice to see them but I will feel awkward and out of place at their house. I feel like I'm intruding anyway cuz this is mom's vacation and I kinda invited myself to come see her. She coulda said no I guess. I'm gonna head out early in the morning. Before the sun rises hopefully. Be there by lunch time.
Guess what I was able to accomplish.. I don't know what it exactly means but I was able to finish a book... I love reading and since losing you I haven't been able to concentrate to read and I was finally able to read a book. It was nice.. started reading it and didn't wanna stop. A small step I guess in the direction of life. Oh.. did I tell you I found a gray hair?! My first one!! I was shocked, speechless.. yeah me, speechless! I plucked that baby right out my head. I haven't seen anymore and hope not to. Gray is so not my color. LOL!! I don't know much else. Gotta keep moving, gotta get to bed soon so I can go see mom. I love you so much dad. I will give mom a hug from you when I see her. Love you, miss you.. Talk to you in a little bit. <3
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