November 26

Hey papa.. hope you had a good thanksgiving. I suppose I did. I made a traditional spread. Turkey, stuffing, sweet potato puff, green beans and pumpkin pie. I did OK. What did they serve in Heaven? Who'd you get to sit by? I just imagine that the meal was spectacular and you had more than enough. I think mom went to Richard's. She took Snick with her. I'm glad she did, I bet Snick had quite the time.
I've been off work since Wednesday. For some reason I got four days off this week. Can tell you I don't like it. Really hurts my paycheck. Also, too much time off gives me too much time to think. Think things like how I wish I could disappear. I've been watching these shows on Netflix about ppl that have disappeared. Gone away on their own or by other means. I don't wanna be dead.. just gone. Just go away for awhile away from everything. Not have to worry about money, getting bills paid, cleaning house or anything. Just in a suspended state where I just worry about me and what I want. There isn't anything wrong with my state of mind if you are worried about that. I just, I don't know.. get tired of the daily in and out.. the same old thing. Not feeling appreciated, feeling like I'm here to do for the guys, feeling like I'm just here to serve. I guess all wives and mothers feel that way at times. I remember our talks about this very subject. I was thinking the other day, wondering.. if you are up there thinking that we've forgotten about you by now. I'll have you know, dear sir, we have not.. nor will we ever. I woke up at 530 again this morning and was laying in bed thinking about you. The accident. What Snick must think when mom goes away on long trips. I think about what you might have been thinking or doing on that day. Running errands with Jack and Katie and Snick.. taking them where ever you had to go, stopping by the post office and picking up the mail, getting the yellow card that showed you had a package but you had gotten it too early so you didn't know it was your Father's day gift from me. Stopping to get mom's tea, going back to the house to drop off the dogs and probably telling them you'd be right back, then going to the church.. on the back roads, driving as you always did. Draped across the wheel, chewing you tobacco, listening to your music, just you and your thoughts.. then you get to that intersection and our worlds fell apart in an instant. I get mad when I think about the SOB that hit you. How he's never even said sorry. Never reached out. I hope that he has trouble sleeping at night, even now. He has no idea what a wonderful man you were. How you were so loving and giving of yourself. I get mad that the stupid lawsuit is still dragging on and I feel like all the lawyers involved, even mom's, are taking their own sweet time to get this settled. You were wrongfully taken from us. It's clear cut, he was on a road he shouldn't have been without the proper license, speeding and didn't yield or even look when he entered the intersection. I have mixed emotions about what mom says about if it hadn't happened there it would've happened somewhere else. Maybe she's right. But I don't know dad. We don't know. Maybe that following week when you had had that surgery something would've happened. But maybe you would've lived to be 90.. who knows. I just wish we could've found out. I miss you so much dad. I look at pictures of you and think why you. Why my dad. Why my friend. I think how unfair life can really be at times.
I told you about Bill having cancer.. that guy that reminds me so much of you.. I guess he's not doing well at all. He's lost a bunch of weight and all his hair. I've heard they don't give him much time. That's sad cuz he's such a nice guy. When he goes, I don't wanna know.. but when he gets to Heaven, look him up.
I guess I'll go.. I've done enough thinking for now. I love you dad. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3