October 20

Hi daddy. Nope, I haven't forgot about you. Never ever could! Just been living life. I've seen you watching over me and it's always so nice to see that big full moon shining down on me. Like a big flashlight leading the way. Things are going good. Still happy as a clam with Joe. How I wish y'all coulda known each other. Daddy, he's every reason I'm happy these days. Treats me like a queen. :) You'd be proud to call him your son in law. I was thinking today about how he was the piece I needed to complete my puzzle n also the peace I needed in my life. Things have been going good. Work is going OK. Joe is still at BK. I'm still at Long Johns for the time being, I've applied and interviewed and basically gotten the job at Bi-Lo, I'm just waiting for a phone call back from the hiring manager that all's well with my drug test n background check and I can start. I'm so amazingly beyond excited I'm gonna work there God willing n the creek don't rise. ;) So if you would nudge the big guy up there to pull these strings for me? Oh daddy. I just miss you so much, miss your phone calls, you. I still have your number in my phone. I know that you'll never be able to call me from it again. I just can't get myself to delete it. Anyway about work, I had a hiccup with Missy and all is not right in fish land. I got my hours massively cut for like most of August after my vacation until a couple weeks ago cuz she misunderstood me when I told her that I was interested in taking tax classes and if I took them they'd be in the evening, and again told her and told her again  Now, I know that I work 9-4 Mondays n Tuesday, and in the evenings on Friday and Saturday so why would I take day classes when I know I work during the day? You're not here and I'm sure you even understand the sense in that. I had planned to take the night classes. But she cut my hours drastically. I'd ask why and she'd give me some bs excuse, tell me things would go back to what they were, I'd swallow my tongue and believe her and the next week it was the same. There were weeks I got like 19 hours. I got bills to pay. Mom to get paid back. Life in general to live. How do you survive on 19 hrs?! So, after I've had almost a week off I go to work as scheduled. Haven't seen Missy this whole time, go in and she doesn't say one word to me. Nothing. She's talking to everyone else around me. Tells the crew that comes in after me hello and how you doing? So I'm thinking like, WTF? Nope! Nope! I'm not playing these mind games, I'm through, I'm outta here. This is what is screaming in my head and I want to burst into tears cuz I'm so mad but actually I swallowed my pride and bite my tongue and stayed and finished my shift. I talked to Joe and he told me to quit. Said no one was going to treat his wife like that. I seriously considered quitting but I didn't. I did, however, apply to some places and Bi-Lo was one of them. The next day I text Missy n tell her I wanted to talk to her and so I did when I went in that night, she tells me the reason she didn't talk to me is cuz she didn't think I wanted to talk. Um, ok...whatever. Tells me she doesn't want me to quit but if I'm not happy she doesn't want me to stay. Understandable. I think that it's over. Things are back to normal, then I start thinking what if I do go ahead and get another job. What if one of these places calls me back? I got a call for an interview at Kmart, I was excited then quickly no longer excited when dude tells me it's just for the holidays and 20-25 hrs at most. Gee thanks but that helps not at all. A few days go by and then last week Bilo calls! I go interview, he offers me $9/hr, tells me it's like 28-30 hrs. That's what I'm working now but at $9, ok! Plus he says for a little while it'll def be over 30 hrs. I can so deal with that. Get paid every week. Yes please! Sends me my paperwork online, I filled it out. Sent me to take a drug test, took his copy of the form back to him. Tells me to watch my email. So I am, like a hawk. There's 2 full time positions open but he said he can't hire full time off the street, even though I'm definitely qualified, says you have to be promoted within..ok, challenge accepted. Get me in and I'll show ya I deserve it. Oh daddy...I'm so excited! So.....we're being prayer monsters right now. I know you shouldn't just pray when you want something and I don't. But dad, oh how I want this! Need this! Idk how ima tell Missy when it's time but I'm sure I'll manage. Joe and mom and whoever else I've talked to, which hasn't been many, have all been so supportive and told me make sure it's yours before you quit. I know this. Joe wouldn't care if I went ahead and quit but I just can't. He told me I don't owe one thing to Missy and although I agree I just can't quit w/o for sure having this. I quit Krystal w/o having another job and felt awful about myself, felt guilty he was working so hard for us and I was busy having a pity party.  He is so amazing and supportive. S woulda been mad at me, turned things around and made me feel incredibly guilty about wanting to get a different job but Joe is absolutely nothing like S. He asked me a couple days of knowing him what I wanted, I told him..to be happy. And if he hasn't worked hard doing everything in his power to make me happy..oh daddy...see, I'm telling you, you'd love him! He is so good to your baby girl. I enjoy him, enjoy being his wife. He's just fantastic!

  Hmm, what else have I been up to? I'm taking tax classes. I was/am(maybe) planning on doing taxes this tax season. The classes are free and I'm learning a lot but the part I'm wrestling with is charging ppl who really can't afford it these absorbent amounts to do their taxes when they can go online and do them for free! Plus if, no When! I get Bilo I wanna be able to work whatever they need me to so I'm considering letting the classes go. We had to role play the other night and it was horrible. We get these forms the night before, she goes over them quickly so I don't really grasp that we'll be working with them over n over until we get our spiel down and then one of the guys in my class says he won't be here for our next class so she tells me and the other lady to join her Wednesday night class the next night. We do and I wanted to walk out, run out before things even got started. We role play and haven't a clue the order I'm to go in, what I'm supposed to say, nothing. I totally choked, plus I was pissed that she did that to me and Pat when we had no idea what to do. I role played as the preparer and then the customer, I was a good customer. I was obnoxious. I got obnoxious down pat. :)

 Mom will be coming for turkey day. She's going to take the bus. Only cuz it's so cheap. But maybe cuz also she'll get to experience something different and see the pretty fall leaves and such. I wish we could ride the bus together. That'd be fun. She'll be here for two whole weeks. Idk what we'll do but it'll be nice to just be together. Me and Joe will probably have to work most of the time but hopefully we'll be able to do some fun stuff on our days off. Idk nuffin else. Talk to God for me, I'm gonna be for sure, I wish I could actually talk to you. I miss you dad. Oh, wanted to show you what bubby did for you. I like it, I think you would've too. See...

Mom wasn't too excited about him doing it. Don't know why but I like it. Your number one son is still thinking about you too...now, you're with him everyday and that's kewl as hell. Richard bought a house in Mulvane. Idk what it looks like, I'll probably never see it. He and I still don't talk. I've apologized for even breathing but he still doesn't talk to me. It is what it is. Sad cuz he and I used to be so close. Anyway, guess I'll go. Nice that you visited Rob in his dream. He told me all about it. I told Joe about it and he just smiled. See, Joe believes that when you die your soul doesn't go to Heaven, that we lie in the ground and when The Lord comes back then that's when the saints will rise and join him in Heaven. And when we get to Heaven we won't know our loved ones as our loved ones. They'll just be ppl in Heaven with us. I don't believe this, never have, never will. Our souls go to Heaven when we die, we leave our earthly shell, and go be with God and we do know our loved ones, we are together again as a family and we don't hurt or have any pains or worries anymore. I believe Heaven is a wonderful beautiful place. You have a log cabin next to the lake and have all the animals you had as a boy and growing up and a fire place and rocking chair and you wittle all day. That's what I like to think anyway. Ok, ok...I'm going. I love you dad. I miss you, (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.