June 10

Hey papa. It's been 1090 days since you left us. Every day of those 2 years, 11 months and 25 days hasn't been the same with you gone. Good thing I'm not counting.  I wish you could be here. I wish you could call us from Heaven. I wish that I could see you if even for just one more time because I'd never let go when I hugged you. It would take a host of angels to get me to let go. I know that the past can't be changed and all we have is now so I guess I'll let you know what's going on now. We have this older guy that comes in and gets a senior drink, they are free. He is a nice old guy. He reminds me of you. He always tells me thank you for being so nice to me. I always tell him, its no problem at all being nice to you. Makes me think of you and smile.
Work is going ok. I'm going to get certified soon for shift manager. I'm excited, a little nervous, but I got this pop! It was going to be Wednesday but I think it's gonna get pushed back another week. I'd rather be ready ready then just hoping I'm ready. I really like my boss. She is super nice. I like the ppl I work with too. Most of them.
Me and Joe are doing great. I got so lucky this time dad. Joe is absolutely a total and complete blessing to me. He loves me so much. Loves me like you loved mom. I think the world of him too. It's been almost 10 months we've been together. He and I are closer then Shaun and I ever were. I feel loved and know I'm loved and feel like I belong here. Like he wants me around. You know with Shaun I didn't feel like that. Truly believe God gave me Joe. He truly is my best friend.
I haven't talked to Rob lately so not sure what's up with him. Last I did talk to him, he had informed me he walked in the Gay Pride parade supporting Rafe who was walking to support the Atheists. Oy vey daddy. I just want my son home. Want him back here with me. I know he'd never come back though unless Shaun made him because he has his LARP bs and no one to really listen to. Shaun barks orders at him but how much of it Rob obeys who knows. I tell him that we could get him enrolled in a few classes, maybe find a part time job and he could just get his feet wet in the real world. But he wants to be in Utah. I miss him so much dad.
I was thinking when they left town what if something happened to Joe, I'd be all alone. I think I'd probably move up to Illinois. Even though I don't wanna live where they have winter for real and all that but I'd be closer to family, closer to mom, closer to somebody who loves me or at least tolerates me. Probably would live near mom, maybe Terre Haute. But me and Joe are going strong and unless the good Lord takes him away from me ima bloom where I'm planted at the moment. I like it here for the most part. Financially I'm doing better than when me and Shaun were together. Joe lets me take care of the bills but he's interested and involved when I pay them. Shaun never was, he didn't wanna know, just wanted to know if he had money for cigarettes and coffee. There always seems to be money left after bills are paid and that is a wonderful feeling. It's not a lot but enough to get us thru until the next check. We're living paycheck to paycheck but have what we need. We're gonna start rebuilding the savings account soon as we can. The wedding depleted it but it was definitely worth it. I used what you gave me for things I needed. Things I had been wanting, paid some bills off. I used it wisely daddy. It was more than I ever expected but it helped me so much. I woulda much rather had you back but I was told that wasn't an option. Dog-gone-it.
Gonna go see mom next Monday. I'm so excited. I'm glad she's living closer, wish she lived here in Georgia, here in my neighborhood. But she's only 6 hrs away. Hopefully I can sometime get a couple days off in a row and have the money and go see her. Surprise her. We're going to meet in Fort Campbell and have lunch. It's never enough time together. Auntie is going to come with her. That makes me happy too. Auntie has always been like a 2nd mom to me. She's def my favorite aunt. Always has been. I really liked Great Aunt Bess too but didn't know her as well. Snick is doing ok too. He's odd though, never realized how odd he is when he was with y'all. He doesn't like walking on the linoleum or the hard wood floors and idk why. He's very selective as to when he'll go outside. He usually always goes for Joe but like 3 out of 5 times goes for me. He snorts like a pig sometimes and he's constantly licking his paws. I think it's a nerve thing, idk. We have a white water dish and bowl for him to eat out of. If there is the slightest amount of noise he'll go find a hiding spot. Just an odd duck but I love him.
I don't know much else. I don't have a day off until Friday. UGH! I hate when I work like 7-9 days before I get a day off. Makes for such a long week. Thankful I have a job but I'm tired! Guess I'll go for now. I love you daddy. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.