September 11

Hey papa.. today is 9/11. 11 years ago the towers fell, the world changed a little bit more. I remember what I was doing that day. I'm sure you do too. Today is also Shaun's grandson's 2nd birthday. He's such a cutie pie. Shaun is hoping to be able to go out to Utah and see him soon. I hope that works out for him. Well, man where do I start?! .. a LOT has changed since my last post. I hope you are sitting down. I left Shaun, for good. I just decided I had enough. Enough of his mood swings, enough of his insecurity, enough of feeling inferior to him, enough of feeling more like a care taker than a wife and equal partner to him. Feeding him his pills like a little bird cuz he's too lazy to go get them and take them like a responsible adult. Enough of feeling unappreciated, feeling like no matter how much I did for him it was never enough. I decided that life is too short to be miserable and I just want to be happy.. well daddy.. I am now HAPPY!!! The first step was hard, the deciding to do it, the deciding how to do it and after I figured that out the rest has been messy but also very OK. I felt a little guilty at first for wanting to do this for myself but got over that real quick.

I got a new place. It's a roach infested apartment but it's a place to stay. It's affordable but so many roaches. It's totally disgusting and we've sprayed sooooo much stuff. It's not helping at all. When I get paid next week I'm going to get some boric acid. Gonna get rid of them one way or another!!!

There is also a new guy in my life, now before you go thinking I left Shaun for him, that's not entirely the case. I left because I was unhappy. Felt trapped. Felt like I didn't belong there. Anyway, his name is Joe. He is absolutely amazing. He's made me happier in a month then Shaun did in 20 years. He does every little bitty thing I ask of him, pampers me like a princess. He painted my toe nails last week. Shaun never ever woulda done that for me. He keeps a very clean house and can also fix about anything that's broken. He's 47. He's a little shorter than me but that's OK. He loves me and wants to spend the rest of forever with me. I think I'm game for that. I know it's only been a month, its been a whirlwind, but I just feel this energy when I'm with him, I feel alive again. Feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. You know how when I was growing up mom would tell me that God puts people along your path of life for a reason. I think there is a huge reason Joe was put in my path. Right now, I'm enjoying every minute of him. He makes me feel pretty and wants nothing more than to make me happy. With Shaun, I just knew he loved me.. with Joe, I know he does and he takes the time to show me how much every day. I think you'd like him. He's NOTHING at all like Shaun. 

Rob decided to stay with Shaun. More like stay in the house. He loves that place. It is a nice house but it wasn't mine. He's not handling me being gone very well. I look at that in a couple of ways. He's 18, he needs to learn to deal.. and I know with his Asperger's that he doesn't like change. He's just going to have to come to terms with it though cuz things aren't going back to the way they were. I don't know much else. I miss you. I know that. Work is going OK. Like being a shift leader some days more than others but overall not a bad position. Guess I'll go for now. I love you dad. (Forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit.