May 24

Oh daddy.. in like 48 hours your #1 grandson will be all graduated. I can't believe the time has come. I've been getting the house all prepared for company. Auntie, Uncle Al, Deb, and 2 of the kids are coming. Gonna have a full house! Judy couldn't make it and neither could mom. It's a bummer but it's ok. Life will go on like it's supposed to just maybe not like we want it to. Rob will be with mom in like 72 hours so it'll be just fine. I almost have the house done. Got a list of things done today and tomorrow I will be cooking, washing linens, making beds and trying to catch my breath for Saturday. Gonna be such a big day and such a long day. Wanna hear something stupid? Course you do.. The ceremony is at the football field and the kids will walk across the stage and do their thing, get something that represents a diploma and then after sitting thru that for 2 hours we'll all trample inside the school for a reception where they will have cake and the kids will get the real diplomas.. MAKES NO SENSE daddy! Rob's class is almost 300 kids and then add, say, 600 parents and countless other guests all going back across the campus to do this, its preposterous. I think what we are gonna do instead of fighting that crowd is one of us and Rob will go in and get the diploma while the rest of everyone load up and come back here and wait. Then we'll all regroup here and have a little reception of our own for Rob. We got him a cake and we got a meat/cheese tray. Hoping I have enough. God willing I do. I'm so worried about making things just right for him. I don't think he even cares to be honest but I do hope he understands that he's the guest of honor and needs to be in attendance for his own party.  Then following that we'll get in the car and go to Illinois where I meet up with mom on Sunday. Looking forward to that, seeing mom.. but not looking forward to the drive back home without Rob. Oh dad.. it's gonna kill me. I know that he will be absolutely positively great with mom but just not having him here every day.. ugh. I think it's gonna be a good thing all around. For all 4 of us. Shaun mentioned today that he and I haven't been he and I for 18 years. We were together 9 months before we married the first time, then there was Rob. He's been such a blessing. He totally completely owns my heart. Funny how when that tiny little package gets handed to you it grabs your heart and never lets go. I didn't think I'd ever be a mom, let alone a good one. I think I've done pretty alright.. I did have an excellent teacher with mom. When I think about what I've been given in my life, as far as the ppl in my life, I've been indubitably blessed with the ppl who've made up my life story. I was blessed with two posatutely fab parental units, I got pretty decent brothers ~ ahem, and the Lord done good when he gave me Shaun. He needed some work but now that I've got him molded and bent the way he should be, he's perfect! LOL!!! and then of course my sweet sweet boy. Not a mother around who coulda hoped for a more wonderful son. He's sweet and gentle and rough around the edges. I know you think I was always too soft on him. I just couldn't be any other way. We had our trials with him, but they were never anything to worry about. I've been very blessed that he never fell in with the wrong crowd, did drugs, knocked some girl up or smoked or drank. I know that all of that could still happen but we gave him a good foundation. We all did. You, me, mom and Shaun and all the other ppl who had a hand in raising that child of mine. There I went again, rambling.. I miss you dad.. miss our talks. In 3 weeks it will have been 2 years. Still can't believe it, still don't wanna believe it. Still want you back. Here I am, 2 years later and still talking to you like you're sitting right here beside me. Some ppl are telling me I need to stop, stop thinking about you being gone, stop talking to you like this, stop crying about you, telling me it's not good for me and only will bring me down.. oh really?... I think that some ppl need to just mind their own business! I'll do as I please, thank you very much indeed! I'm a whole lot better then I was 2 years ago but yeah, occasionally, I'll fall in my dark place and stay there awhile and cry and wish you were here, talk to your picture and cry some more. I think it's actually helped me on some days. I try to see you in other ppl. I had a customer the other day and he was wearing bib overalls and a plaid shirt. Made me think of you. It had a zipper instead of buttons there at the top part but they were still nice. They woulda been the equivalent to your sunday go to meeting ones. Anyway daddy.. I love you. Miss you so much. (forehead kiss) Talk to you in a little bit. <3